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Hi everyone,
The day before yesterday, after a rocky couple of weeks, my boyfriend decided it was time to call off our relationship of about 6 years. I have neglected him and made him feel unloved for a while now.. I think because we were together so long and we pretty much both said we were eachothers number ones.. I got too comfortable…and do I ever regret that now.. he tried to get me to put in effort for so long and I just brushed it off because I thought I had so much more time.
I got pretty desperate and said I would do anything for one last chance, apologized for causing him pain.. he was very patient with me but very adiment that he didnt think any amount of time or effort from me would change his mind.
I figured, I have nothing to lose now and I will give no contact a try.. it terrfies me.. I have gone for a run the last 2 mornings and am trying to focus on improving myself.. but the problem is.. I have a hard time resisting messaging him and I am afraid I am going to break nc. From those who are further along, does it get easier and is there any tricks to avoid hasty texting when you’re feeling weak?
Hi Heartbroken girl, I know you’re probably quite shocked he decided to break up with you and I understand that no contact is terrifying. There will be many negative thoughts, but try to erase them from your mind or at least don’t dwell on them. One way is, the minute you find yourself thinking of him, immediately divert your thoughts to something else. Turn on the TV, call a friend, spend more time with family, go to movies or other places you enjoy. You could also come back to this site and post that you’re having a hard time sticking to no contact. There are many sweet people here who will give you encouragement. Yes, it gets a little easier to resist the temptation to contact him as time goes by.
You’ve already apologized and asked for another chance, so the ball is in his court. If you know what was lacking in the relationship, think on these things and ways to improve. By doing no contact, it will give him a chance to miss you. The bad memories will fade and he will remember more of the good ones. The sweet things you’ve said to him and the good times you had together over the years.
Even though your relationship lasted 6 years, I’m assuming you weren’t engaged or living together. I think the three main things men desire are affection, understanding, and praise / admiration for their accomplishments. If you ever get the chance to be with him again, hold his hand and touch him every chance you get. Tell him you love him often. And give him kisses for no apparent reason. If he asks you to go places, go and enjoy. If he wants you to take more of an interest in his hobbies or other interests, get involved. Be playful and fun to be with. Think of romantic things to do together. You could also ask him to share things you like. There are many ways to show love. If there were a lot of arguments, don’t start them. If there are difficulties along the way, calmly discuss them with each other and resolve any issues together as a team. Always be kind and respectful.
If you two haven’t already discussed or you don’t know the specifics of what he wanted in order to be happier and more satisfied with the relationship, maybe someday he would be willing to sit down and calmly talk about it. The things you could both do to make a possible future relationship better. To start with a clean slate, free from hurt and resentments.
I wish you both the best, no matter what happens..
Thank you so much, Patricia12, for being supportive and for your advice. I am absorbing it and I will definitely think about everything you have said.
I am feeling lost, these two days have been so hard, and 30 days feels like an eternity. If I can turn here for support, maybe it will help me to resist.
No contact isn’t easy. You need to stay strong and you can do it! But be warned, you will feel a little more depressed as time goes by with no communication from him. But it doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking of you or that he doesn’t want to reunite, it just means he’s doing a lot of thinking. Men want to analyze situations rationally, but their heart is also involved, so they take longer to reach decisions than women. Keep your chin up, stay busy and think positive thoughts:)
nothing, I sent him a long message discussing what I thought went wrong and how I am sorry and I’ll always refret hurting him but he has not responded.
I sent the message via skype, and think he may be out. I hope he responds, but if he doesnt.. I’ll try n.c. again.
I just have to be strong and put in some effort.
Okay, it’s done; you sent a message. He might be annoyed you did it or he might be understanding of it, but I pray he replies and has reconsidered. If he replies, but gives no indication that he wants to reunite, don’t give up hope. Men take much longer to make decisions about continuing or re-entering relationships. At that point you, no matter how difficult it will be, you must give him more time with no contact! If he doesn’t reply, remember, he’s thinking..
Wishing you luck:)He ended up replying. He told me he had a hard time knowing if responding was the right thing to do.
He said he still wants a future with me but he just can’t because he feels like it goes against who he is. Still, this and a few other things he said have given me some hope.
He said he thinks reducing our comunication will be good for me and I am beginning to agree. I feel relief knowing what he feels and I am prepared to focus on improving myself in the hope that he will come around.
Stay strong. I’m on a Day 6 on NC, and not sure that I’m even going to contact him after 30 days is up. I feel like this should be a time of focusing on yourself, even if it feels impossible. I’ve been plotting in my head how to get my ex back after 30 days, but I realized that if he in fact is completely done with me, I would’ve just wasted a whole month I could’ve been healing.
I know it’s hard, I really do, but please try to hold out and just focus on making yourself happy and improving yourself for you. I’m far from there, but in time, we will get better.
Thanks AA718, I appreciate your advice. It’s awesome that youre on day 6 and you’re able to see so clearly.
Him and I have just been together for so long.. its hard to imagine feeling better at some point but you are probably right.. no good will come of dwelling. I will do my best to focus on myself and stay strong!
@Heartbroken girl , What he said is great news and a good sign. Wonder what he meant by a future with you goes against who he is? So vague..
Now it will hopefully be much easier for you to stay no contact. Today would be day 1, but there’s so much hope now and I’m happy for you! In talking to him, you probably know more specifics on which issues need improvement.
Best wishes:)
Thanks again @patricia12. Fingers crossed.
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