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i’m back. never thought i would be venturing to these boards again, but here i am. after an initial break-up in may and reconciliation in june, he called things off again in mid-september.
i honestly thought things were going well after getting back together. our relationship was long-distance for 2 years and i was finally willing to move as this caused issues for the first break. the weekend prior to our second breakup, we were apartment hunting – we talked about marriage, combining cell phone plans, me going back for my masters, etc. i even met his parents for the first time. all signs of a great future together!
then four days later, he calls me to tell me that it’s done, again. i was shocked. how can you go from planning a future to nothing? it’s been 45 days of no contact, from either end. no texts, no calls and i’ve deactivated social media for now. i would never expect him to reach out. the first breakup, i did the initial reach out after 30 days. i also won’t reach out because ultimately, i cannot initiate contact with someone who has done this to me twice.
i’ve done a lot for myself in 45 days. i’m pretty proud of my accomplishments. it’s still hard not having him to share these moments with though.
so i have to know from all of you… how are you all healing after a breakup? what tips do you have to help get over someone you were once very connected to?
This is my third break up with my ex, but we are also in high school and have gone through a LOT. Are you sure you don’t want to be with your ex again? Have you asked him if anything specific happened for him to end it… that sounds so strange for him to go from planning a future with you to just ending it.
ceecee,
i never really asked him for more details on it ending. i was so shocked by the break-up after our visit, i never got around to asking for clarification. the conversation feels like a blur now.
after the first break-up, i initiated contact and did it in a very sweet way as he was up for an interview at his dream job. i’m a very nurturing/kind person, so i take the loss of him in my life very hard. he seems to be loving life.. he started posting daily on facebook right after the breakup. i had to unfollow him, it got in the way of my healing process. haven’t heard a peep from him since the break-up. in my opinion, if he wanted to be with me, he would make the effort. and in the meantime, i’ve just focused on healing and moving on.
@hopefullywaiting – He lived with you 1.5 weeks and then bailed out on you. Now he breaks up again after talking about marriage etc.. My gosh, you deserve someone so much better!! Please don’t chase after him. You don’t really need a reason why he’s done this to you twice because he’s shown what kind of a person he is by his actions. I know you broke no contact the last time after 30 days and this time you’re at 45 days. Good for you and try not to contact him ever again! Healing takes time, but believe me, it will get better and you won’t be hurting anymore. You have other things to do and be proud of.. Are you working on your master’s degree? Do you now live in the same town as your ex? Life will go on without him and I pray someday you will find a decent loving man who gives you his heart and wants to spend the rest of his life with you:)
@patricia12 – thank you for the response, made me tear up. i agree with all of that. i most certainly want to be with someone who wants to be with me, in good and bad. and if someone initiates moving in together (twice), they sure as heck better mean it.
his behavior is exactly why i am moving on this time. as hard as it’s been (didn’t know a human had so many tears), i’m doing it day by day. it hurts the most that he hasn’t cared to reach out, but probably for the better. i know i have a lot to offer someone, the right person will appreciate all that i do. i have finished the GRE and my grad school applications have been submitted, i’m just waiting to hear back!
i cannot wait to get to that point where he doesn’t consume my mind anymore 😐
Hey hopefullywaiting,
I am sorry you are in this situation but I see you are making a positive progress.
This is my third breakup too with my ex and you could ask me if I have enough of this; I would answer you yes and no. Yes because every time the breakup happens, it bites tiny pieces of my heart off and you just grow tired of this.
No because I am still in love with my ex and think she’s the one I’d like to spend my life with; have seen proof of it for almost five years.
I understand what you are feeling and you have the right to decide whatever os best for yourself.
It’s great you have not been sitting around during this time on your own and you have improved, setting new goals does give you more purpose to what’s gonna come.
You will have ups and downs for a while, how long it takes to recover is pretty subjective but don’t worry about it as long as you are completely healed.
I believe that in order to speed up our recovery, we need to let go of all the negatives feelings related to our ex and the relationship; don’t stay resentful towards him and if you can, learn to forgive in time because only this way you will find the real peace.
I wish you all the best and good luck, whatever you end up deciding for yourself.
If you need more advice or just to vent even outside this forum, we have a small support group on a mobile messenger applcation called KiK. Feel free to look for me, add me and drop a message at fishing_the_sky.
Stay strong!it is really hard for me to say “i’m letting go of him”. we had much of our future planned out together. but when i reflect, he has called things off twice in 3 months. it’s a long distance relationship and i was willing to move across the country (twice) for him. both times he backed out. there may be someone else in the picture, but it would kill me to officially know that answer. i don’t know if i can realistically put myself back out there when he hasn’t even cared to reach out once in over 45 days. i’m just hoping time heals and when i’m ready to date again, that someone won’t play with my feelings like he has. i think we all deserve that 🙂
you are right about being able to forgive. i’m not there yet.. still in the denial and angry stage. i can’t wait to be able to forgive.
i also hope that you are finding peace during your breakup.
i’ll find you on KiK once I download. having the extra support and being able to help others during difficult times makes my days a little brighter!
I am so sorry, I do understand what you’re saying though and do agree. You deserve better, maybe one day your paths will meet again? And hopefully it’ll be a better path 🙂
Wanted to share an update as many of us come to the boards and then fall off as we either get our ex back or recover.
I’m just over 70 days of no contact. He hasn’t reached out and neither have I. Most days are still difficult, but I continue to try to focus on healthy healing tactics. To be honest, I cry nearly every day still.
I did get into school at my top choice and am looking forward to starting.
The best thing I can say for those trying to heal from an experience like this, is to set goals for yourself and work on them daily. Also, get off social media. I felt much better giving up control and not watching his every move across social networks.
I think the holidays will be a difficult time to continue through this breakup process. I plan to take one day at a time and remind myself of the people I am grateful for that have been there for me during this trying time.
Stay positive!
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