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So…yesterday was easier. I didn’t want to cry lol. I did think about him though…but I was at my sisters helping her with her son (who is so freaking adorable, I love being his aunt). I just watched netflix and played with my nephew and snapchatted my friends lol. But later that night he sent me one, I thought it was something he put on his story…it wasn’t. He sounded rather flirty, which was shocking. But don’t worry. I didn’t think into it too much. Other than, “oh he flirted with me”
I think I’ve made some more improvement, oh and I’m gaining more confidence, which is what I wanted
@confused_girl, i might be smart to remove him from snapchat. when my ex and i were still friends on snapchat i looked at his points going up, looked to see who his top friends were, and he was still snap chatting me and seeing his face made it too difficult for me. the whole points of nc is to have complete separation – and for me i didn’t really start to feel better until i removed him. he requested me back the next day, but i declined. personal choice but it made the nc harder on me…glad to see you’re feeling more confident though and it definitely helps to distract yourself
I’m feeling more confident about this too. I didn’t expect to snapchat me yesterday. And flirt too lol. But oh well, it’s a good sign that he did, but I’m focusing on me for awhile
Somebody mentioned false friendship on here.
I am currently 42 days in to my current period of false friendship. I am not sure if false friendship is the correct term for it anyhow as I do genuinely want to be part of her and her daughters life. My Ex described me as her best friend during the relationship and after.
One of the reasons my Ex gave as us not being ready to give getting back together a shot was that since I split up with her I haven’t been able to talk to her for longer than 5 or 6 weeks without spitting my dummy out about something and both of us ending up angry and not speaking to eachother properly for a while. I agreed that she was totally right about this and that we needed to not rush things and be genuine friends first.
Yesterday was difficult for me. I felt depressed, my Ex contacted me first as she hadn’t heard off me all day and she sensed that something was wrong and that I didn’t really want to talk. She messaged that she was sending me cuddles and I messaged her “BIG ONES – back at ya” something that she used to say to me.
I don’t really know why I felt down yesterday. Me and my Ex are speaking every day and I should be positive and optimistic. I have also been positively working on my life without her.
After the depression hitting me hard yesterday I now feel slightly embarrassed about it and don’t like myself for it. Weird but maybe it’s my subconscious warning me that I will never be happy for long or something.
I just wanted to say that fake friendship is no picnic, as I think that this is my 3rd attempt. Although I knew exactly what I was doing and I planned it this time I still aren’t finding it much easier.
Perhaps I have learnt to focus on me when I am feeling low instead of lashing out at others?
Hoping to get through at least 3 to 4 months the way things are and take things from there. I don’t expect it to be easy whatever happens.
@sparky, sorry to hear you are having a hard time. i think that is just part of the process – up days and down days. i am very skeptical of this “false friendship” because i would be concerned over getting friend zoned. right now your ex essentially has the best of both worlds – she has you in her life and for emotional support but she does not have to commit to the relationship. as long as you are ok emotionally with the position you are in then continue, but you should do what makes YOU happy! if you feel it is too difficult to be her friend, its ok to take a step back and do some nc. just make sure you’re getting out of this relationship what you want
I did a terrible thing and friendzoned my ex before we started dating. I hadn’t realized he had a crush on me for awhile. But when we did start talking finally, it was the best thing ever. He’s as weird as me and we like the some of the same stuff. I still remember a text he sent me about how much he loved me and was like “you’re like me, but you’re not…but that’s good, I don’t want to date a mirror :P” lol. It made me think when he text me and said we’re different. Of course we’re different. That’s what makes our individual personalities.
That would be one thing I would take back. Not just so we would’ve been dating longer, but because that whole time I did stupid things that I’m not proud of
Oh and @atea1234, I’m actually starting to get better, and feel better about myself. My confidence is…rising? Is that the right word? oh well, you get the idea. But I’ve been writing down the things I have done and what’s left, and I’m pretty much done. But I’m not going to just jump to the next step. That flirty snapchat did make me feel good but only about 20%, the rest was just me. I’m feeling accomplished again, and I’m not going to let anyhting ruin it lol
Hi @atea1234 and thank you for your response.
Of course I have concerns or have had concerns over being friend zoned too, although I am now of the belief that my Ex also realises that friendship is not an easy option for either of us.
False friendship is perhaps a misleading term. I have tried to prepare myself as best I can in dealing with the possibility that I might never get my Ex back. She still wants me in her life and I still wish to be part of her life and that of her daughters. I really do care about both of them and feel that I should be strong. Too many people have turned their backs on the pair of them already and I promised myself that I wouldn’t do that.
I was the dumper in this relationship. I couldn’t cope with her problems at the time as I had so many of my own that I was trying to deal with. I feel emotionally stronger now, although I still have my down days, yesterday was just one of them. I don’t really know what brought it on even.
I need to carry on with the friendship thing and give it my best shot while I continue to work on myself. Who knows what will happen?
She knows that I’m not a doormat already as me being fiery is part of what caused our split.
good luck @sparky!! she is lucky to have you around and your loyalty and dedications hold be really impressive to her. i think whichever route people take after ending long term relationships, there are up days and down days. i wish you all the best and good luck and i hope your false friendship turns into the relationship you want
@atea1234 Thank you. She knows that I’m a good chap and not the sort that you are likely to meet every day.
I have had positive signs like her saying things like “are you just saying that because it’s what I want to hear” when I have been nice to her recently and she has talked about meeting up later this year and sharing a cuddle with me, although I don’t expect that to happen until March at the earliest as she has other stuff that she needs to deal with before then. She will also likely need my support through that. She has really been through it and hopefully she will come out the other side and put a stop to the past hurting her. I can only provide so much help though and need to try and look after myself first and foremost.
I sent a package off for her daughters birthday today. Trying to keep things as normal as possible for her despite what is happening between me and her mum.
Fingers crossed!
@sparky, that is really sweet and I’m sure she will really appreciate you putting in the effort, especially with her daughter! that will speak volumes to her. as you said, just make sure you’re putting yourself and your happiness first. its great to support her and be there for her, but it should be your top priority to make yourself happy! i think the false friendship seems to be working in your favor, so just try to stay confident!
So, things have gotten easier. I don’t know if it’s because my confidence is gaining, or what. I mean I still think about us and I keep day dreaming about us getting back together. And I actually feel like the silly weird girl I used to be (that’s just my personality) but, it feels so good, I’m happy. That’s weird that all of this has happened within 3 days
thats great, @confused_girl. imagine how much better you’ll feel when getting through 30!
I’m not ready to imagine that…I do still feel that he still cares and loves me. And I found out why he doesn’t snapchat me like he used to…he works…all day…and at 4 in the morning. I failed to mention this the other day lol. But oh well, but I am feeling better. I’m day dreaming a lot though, about us getting back together
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