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Posts
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Nope. From what I know he’s under the impression that I went to the bar he usually frequents so I could run into him. He conveniently forgets that I knew he was out of town when I went and that his friends like hanging out with me. But I’m stopping that because I don’t want to give him the satisfaction, however incorrect he may be.
On another site I try to seek advice, some people were pretty blunt, saying how men only settle with women they respect and he doesn’t respect me, that I’m content with being an option and that he has demonstrated multiple times how he will never love me like I love him. Perhaps what they said has merit, but it cut deeply and felt like I was being blamed for my situation. I still hurt very much and prefer kind words right now. I wish things were different but they aren’t. When will the pain ever stop? I feel like I’m back to square one in my grieving and coping 🙁
I completely understand. . and to mii it feels worse than square 1. like I put myself bak in that situation and got fooled again and I can only blame myself…. I had hope and now there’s none… Its like yoy picked yourself up after the first one but then you let yourself go back and got used again and how do you ever pick yourself again after that… I feel you.. it sucks
I don’t necessarily blame myself for all of it, because there’s no way I could have known it would have ended up like this. I don’t like to think “He did it once, he’ll always do it.” It’s just not who I am. But I hurt, a lot. I’m scared it actually will work out with them and that they’ll end up together, and I’ll just be alone. I don’t want anyone else, I want him. And now I begin to think something is wrong with me since our relationship didn’t last that long but theirs lasted 4 years.
I just don’t get it. Why would he choose to try to get back with his ex that lives 12 hours away, that he hasn’t even seen in 4 weeks now? Why would anyone consider that preferable, choosing a long distance “keeper” over a “keeper” that is in his city? (He described both of us as “keepers,” so if we’re on the same level, why do this?)
Well, he just contacted me. I had left my college class ring at his place before my friend’s wedding, and he just messaged me today asking how I’d like it back. Like really dude? At this point I’m fine with buying another class ring. I haven’t responded to him because part of me thinks this is just him trying to return it but another part of me thinks this is bs to try to talk to me again. Actually, I know he has some ulterior motive because he never does anything without it benefitting him in some way. He’s said so himself. So he’s either giving it back because he wants to weasel his way back into my life, or he’s ready to let me go so he can get with his 12-hours away ex.
hey sry I didn’t get bak sooner, but mm I don’t necessarily believe once a this always a this. but I do feel like I shouldn’t have made him feel like it was easy to get mii cause then that’s probably why he gave it up so easily. I should have made him know that it’s not easy to get mii bak and only if he was serious about getting mii bak should he talk to mii. but I see what you mean. and woow really? he asked to how you want to get it bak.. lol.. have you responded yet
Nope and I don’t really plan to. Another reason I think something is going on: a friend of his, the one who I’ve been talking to lately, and I were supposed to hang out last night. That afternoon all he tells me is “I may have an issue,” and I don’t hear from him again for the rest of the night or all day today for that matter. Not even an “I’m sorry, insert explanation here” for ditching. So my ex happens to text me the very same evening a friend of his was supposed to hang out with me? It wouldn’t seem weird to me if his friend had been communicating with me even after plans fell through, but he hasn’t. It’s all very fishy and weird to me. Something’s up.
This thread is what prompted me to register. Laur and starlight, you are both being so strong and are truly showing up for yourselves. Regardless of whether your respective exes realize it now, they have each lost a very smart and genuine woman and I’m certain once they grow the h*ll up, they’ll realize what they lost and even if their pride prevents them from contacting you, they’ll likely regret that loss for a very long time. Meanwhile, you two will relish your future relationships even more because you will have learned that no matter how selfish the people you love are, you are always strong enough to show up for yourselves!
I wish I could help with the pain, but I’m in the same boat right now and instead of holding on tightly and staying flexible but strong until the end of the ride, I’ve been jumping out and counter-intuitively hoping something will miraculously save me. I’m inspired by both of you; thank you!
Thank you, sophie. Your words are very kind and mean a lot to me. I hope everything gets better for you too, soon. My recommendations are to make a list of things you want to do that you’ve never done (like zip lining, going to a wine and painting place, making pottery, just some examples from my own list), take time to go to the gym or the spa or watch YouTube makeup tutorials, go for drinks with your friends and get attention from boys, heck even read a book, to keep yourself busy and feeling pretty and like you’ve still “got it.” It helps you to forget your troubles for a little while.
Today is a rough day for me. I had a bad dream last night that just put me in a down mood, and now I’m missing him a lot (or rather, who he used to be). I keep thinking (and I guess, hoping) that since his friend, who made it clear he didn’t care that he was breaking “guy code” by being friends with me too, isn’t speaking to me, that means my ex hasn’t quite moved on like he was trying to act. That his friend has backed off says a lot to me about my ex’s intentions. This same friend did insinuate he had feelings for me beyond friendship, but assured me friendship was okay with him. Given that information, I get the feeling he has backed off out of respect for my ex, who may still want to revisit our relationship. If he didn’t, I’m confident his friend would have no problem talking to me.
Well, I spoke too soon. Now his friend is chatting with me again. Color me confused about everything. But I may have more answers soon, after talking to him.
Okay guys, so new info and I absolutely don’t know what to do. This is extremely time sensitive so any advice is very welcome!
Our mutual friend received a text from my ex today. He asked him if he was going to be hanging out with me tonight, and then asked if it was possible for our friend to arrange it so that we run into each other tonight. He made the comment that the ex from NY “isn’t around, idk what’s happening with her” which tells me not all is well in that department. I also found out that apparently she has told him that since things are so expensive in NY, if it’s gonna work, he’s going to have to pay for everything. His friends are also under the impression she wasn’t that into him and was just going to use him.
What do you think guys? Should I allow this run in to happen or no?
hey, that’s good but not sooo fast! I’m giving you the same advice I’m giving myself. it’s not easy but you shouldn’t give in so easily if he wants you. you aren’t second choice. he should fight for you and you shouldn’t give in like that. you know you want him bak but tell him you need time cause you not sure if you want it and if he wants this either but this is good! I’m happy for you
You are correct… it’s so funny how he went from being legitimately angry that I was in the same area of the city he was to now asking for a situation to be set up so we run into each other. I was actually open to it since it was going to be in a huge group of people rather than just him and I, but it ended up not happening because our mutual friend (and my point of contact) got stuck with work. I wasn’t about to go into the lion’s den alone. It was a little disappointing because I guess I was hoping to get answers, but at least this way my ex gets more time to think about what he wants (as do I), and I get to see where his head’s at. I kind of think he’s going to try again but we’ll see. I think this was also an attempt on his part to try to see where my head’s at as well.
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