The evolution of feelings throughout NC period

[MarnieMichaels]

One thing I was wondering is… I’m in the 9th day of my NC period and I already feel a lot better, which is a bit weird. Last weekend, in a moment of sadness and loneliness I texted my boyfriend and said that I missed him. It didn’t go well and I spent the weekend crying. That’s when my NC started. However, as the days went by it all got out of me and I haven’t cried since. I’m not obsessed anymore and I don’t miss him as much. What keeps me thinking about him is the fact that our breakup was inconclusive, with mixed signals and too much confusion. But still, I am not sad anymore, I am having fun and I am really committed to my future and my goals right now. I feel better about my figure and I’m much more confident. If anyone told me two weeks ago I would be feeling this good today considering that we broke up a month ago and I wept for days, I wouldn’t believe them. I love him and I want him back but… I think I’ll be fine if we’re not meant to be. Does anyone feel this way too?

[Caz15]

I feel exactly the same way, it really does work and helps you focus on what’s important which is YOU! Having the contact and the constant going back & forth with how much we miss and love them just sets you back.

Your doing really well, be strong 🙂

[Nell]

I’m glad to hear that you are doing so well! Unfortunately a lot of users on the forums here can’t say the same thing, breakups can be so difficult on us.

I feel the same way you do and it IS surprising isn’t it!? The first week of NC for me was just rotten and felt like it would never end. The second week was lonely, but I wasn’t in despair, and I started making an effort. I had even decided by the end of the second week that I didn’t want my ex back. I’m on the fifth week of NC now and I’m feeling pretty darn good! It’s amazing what sticking to NC and working on yourself can do for you. When people say that contact with an ex is like a drug, I think it’s true. Once you cut yourself off you can really start to heal. It’s great.

Thanks for posting. I think your message will give some hope to those starting out. I think you are strong and resilient. I wish you all the best!

[MarnieMichaels]

Nell and Caz15: You guys, thank you so much! 😀 It’s nice to see that it is indeed possible to feel better shortly after a breakup! I was a total mess too in the first couple weeks, I lost a lot of weight (which wasn’t that bad TBH 😛 ) and I couldn’t get out of bed. Now I have things to look forward to and they only involve myself. I will do my best to keep feeling this way and hopefully — regardless of the results of my NC — I’ll become a more confident person for real, not just for now. This “detox” is helping me a lot.

Thank you both for your messages in this post. I think the real meaning of NC is to be OK with ourselves… Having our exes missing us is just a bonus. I’ve heard this from my mother and also from my therapist and I think it’s worth sharing: “Sometimes, it’s perfectly okay to be selfish.” After being selfless for a long time, we must look at ourselves for once.

As you said, Nell, I hope this works as an incentive for those who are still in the “post-breakup limbo”.

I think you both are very strong too and deserve the best no matter what!

[MarnieMichaels]

One thing I’d like to add: I haven’t seen him in a month and when we were together, I would eager to see him all the time. I had this urge of having him by my side everyday. It’s like through the five years we were together I was completely addicted to him. I would think about travelling to other countries for a few weeks to study their languages but the idea of not seeing him for that brief period was inconceivable in my mind. So I never travelled. Now I feel like it’s alright, you know? I love him (obviously) and I wish to work things out. But now, with the NC, if we ever get back together, I don’t think I’ll be that obsessed person anymore, which is absolutely great and a huge plus in my life. I can even say that breaking up wasn’t all that bad. I created bonds I didn’t have before. When I started dating him, I kinda got distant from my family because the little spare time we had, we would use to be together. Now, my cousin, my sister in law and my mother have been really supportive and I hope to never lose all this. Also, I’ve been investing more in myself (physically and in my future plans). These things would never happen if we were still together I think. I have had many positive changes in my life after he dumped me that if we get back together, it’ll be a relationship much more solid and mature considering all that I already learned. And if we don’t get back together, I’ll be able to use my experience in my next relationship and avoid many common mistakes and unnecessary conflicts.

See? Being dumped ain’t all that bad! LOL

[Caz15]

@MarnieMichaels it’s amazing what time can do and putting ourselves before our ex’s, I’m so happy your reconnecting with people and seeing the world through your eyes and the endless possibilities out there for you.

Breaks are horrible at first but once you start to focus on your dreams and goals and stop worrying about theres it’s like the room lights up and you start to breathe and live again.

[MarnieMichaels]

@Caz15 You described it perfectly. It really is like that! I hope everyone in need here gets to feel like this ASAP. It’s seems impossible at first, but it can happen.

[Caz15]

It can! I know its cliche but time does heal all wounds.

Best of luck with everything, your doing amazing and you will keep going from strength to strength 🙂

Keep me posted x

[MarnieMichaels]

You too, @Caz15! I wish you the best! I hope you get stronger each day. Once we get it, our strength is never lost.

And I will, let’s keep in touch so we can see how things are going for all of us.
That goes for you too, @Nell 😉

[Caz15]

Let’s keep focused on US and let’s keep eachother on track 🙂 @MarnieMichaels @Nell thank you both for yor words and experiences 🙂

[kiwi]

Hey, I just wanted to share my experience.
My 13y relationship ended about 3 months ago and it was very bad ending for me.
And as I thought it was a lifetime relationship at the moment of when the breakup happened I thought I would never recover.

My story here:

Dumped after 13 y realationship 🙁

(I’ll post a followup to the story)

Anyways after the second 1mnth NC period I suddenly started to feel better.
I was startled to find out that I can live on and felt like I’m getting over the person and what I previously believed was my life tragedy.

So for all those at the beginning of the process – it REALLY gets better with time – no matter how long was the relationship or how strong were the bonds.

[amy90]

Honestly me too, it’s been a week for me, and I’m realising that I think I’ve known for a while that I can do better. And honestly he’ll be lucky to get me back one day
I wouldn’t say its easy, but I thought I’d be crying for months.
It’s funny how actively trying to move on works.
I’m happy to hear you’re going so well 🙂 it’s a big change after so many years being close to someone
Let us know how you go

[Nell]

@Caz15 I agree about your description with the room lighting up and being able to breathe! I said something similar to a friend the other day. It was like a weight had lifted and I could breathe! It’s exciting for me to feel like myself again. I think I lost that woman for a long time. Now that she’s back I never want her to leave again.

@MarnieMichaels I would love to keep in touch. I’ll be sure to keep checking back here. It makes me so happy to see others doing well and getting back to themselves and their dreams and goals. 😀 Thank you for sharing about being selfish. I totally agree. On a similar note, my therapist told me that she thinks my ex is losing a treasure. I think we should all think of ourselves that way, like a treasure. We all have so much to offer. I decided if I ever have a daughter that’s something I’m going to tell her. It’s so great.

@kiwi So glad to hear that you are getting over it and doing better. Isn’t it funny how when people tell you it gets better with time you don’t believe them? And then it does get better and wow!

@amy90 I thought I’d be crying for months too! In actuality, I cried most days for a week, and then I haven’t since, haha.

[MarnieMichaels]

@kiwi My relationship lasted 5 years and I thought I wasn’t gonna recover and that I was gonna be unhappy for the rest of my life… And that’s simply not true. I agree with you! Time heals it all! Congrats for being such a strong person 🙂

@amy90 One week only? Good for you 🙂 you’re gonna go far! I had the same feeling and it’s safe to say things can change for better.
You’re very strong!

@Nell I couldn’t agree more! And hopefully more people will be sharing their stories here, with positive results and a new perspective 🙂
That’s something I will sure teach my kids about. There’s nothing like some experience! hahaha

[kiwi]

@amy90 @Nell thanks, the followup to my story is in my thread.
Any remarks to the situation and my letter are very welcome.

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