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Boards Reconciliation Should I reach out on days off?

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #112060
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    adivale
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    • Total Posts: 8

    Currently in reconciliation phase and I was wondering if I should reach out on her days off and risk looking calculated or reach out whenever?

    I ask because I remember on days she works she is pretty much overwhelmed with errands and all that and I am supposed to associate my texts with positive energy. However I don’t want to look like I am purposely looking for an excuse to reach out on her days off.

    #112065
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    gamecoder.nz
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    • Total Posts: 219

    It depends on how far into reconciliation you are. If it you are in the early phase then I would still stick to only speaking on days off. I know if I have a busy day at work I don’t want anyone bugging me afterwards when I just want to blob in front of the TV.

    It doesn’t make you look calculating but rather you are still respecting her space. She knows that you are there thinking of her so she can reach out if she needs to vent. But otherwise keep to her days off.

    #112292
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    adivale
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    • Total Posts: 8

    Update:

    We are on better speaking terms now, sort of. We talk on the phone more often, and also text. I’m pretty certain she debates talking to me with herself, as she will sometimes stop replying. I say this because at first I thought she wouldn’t reply because perhaps she’d be seeing someone else or would be with someone else and avoid talking to me during those moments.

    However, she went on vacation for a week and I know for a fact she didn’t go with another man (she went to visit her family which she would always do when we were together, her fam lives in another country), and even then she has exhibited the same texting behavior so i think it’s safe to assume she tries to avoid texting me too much. Perhaps she enjoys texting and then suddenly something clicks that she shouldn’t. Who knows.

    Moreover, we recently spoke on the phone and had a pleasant conversation that went into the topic of our current relationship. Friendship is where we ended up and according to this website, it’s a good step/start. We kept speaking and in the end she told me she wasn’t seeing anyone and wasn’t interested in dating. We kept talking still and she ended up telling me she would never stop talking to me for any other guy seeing how I’ve been in her life since our teen years (practically forever). She said it would be a deal breaker if any man ever asked her to stop talking to me, which she was not willing to do.

    I think it is safe to assume this is highly in my favor and more points for me, right?

    Before that distinct part of the conversation, I casually brought up going to a movie but I was turned down. It wasn’t a flat out no but she said she had work and more work and it may have been an excuse but it’s quite alright.

    Any tips, or advice, or any input AT ALL would be greatly apreciated.

    Sorry for the wall of text, but thanks for reading.

    #112294
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    gamecoder.nz
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    • Total Posts: 219

    That is definitely a good start. How long have you been together? How long did you do NC? How often have you been texting/calling her?

    I sounds like her heart wants you but her mind still can’t let go of whatever happened between you two. It is a long process and you just have to be patient.

    #112297
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    adivale
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    • Total Posts: 8

    8 years but the past year and a half has been the bumpiest of rides that did a lot of damage.

    I did NC for 5 weeks maybe 6. That ended approximately 3-4 weeks ago. The buildup has been super slow but the frequency of our communication has gone up. At the moment, it seems like if I call her, she will pickup. If i text, she wont take too long to reply. That’s what it seems like right now, not sure tho. I try to give her space of course. On one occasion she called me instead of texting back which I think was a good thing.

    It definitely seems that way. I am sure she is glad to hear from me when she does but i am also sure she doesn’t want to fall into the routine again.

    This is definitely an excruciating process.

    #112298
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    gamecoder.nz
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    • Total Posts: 219

    Perhaps invite her to something fun and public, maybe even with friends, like bowling, mini-golf. Something or somewhere where she will be more relaxed. The movies is too intimate at this stage.

    #112299
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    adivale
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    • Total Posts: 8

    Makes sense. Tbh, I only brought up the movies because she brought up a particular movie currently showing. I wasn’t too hurt by her turning me down.

    I shall continue to build attraction over phone and texts and try something else in maybe a week or two.

    #112357
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    adivale
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    • Total Posts: 8

    Hey everyone, little update.

    I’ve noticed she doesn’t initiate conversation any time. She has called me, but she has only done it when I initiate a text conversation. It’s been a little over four weeks and although I have been escalating, or trying to at least, she doesn’t seem to hit me up first.

    What am i doing wrong, or what can I improve in? Should I continue to contact first anyway?

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