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If you’re not going to get an apology and you’re not expecting a message from him, would it maybe just be easier to text him now to say goodbye? I’m not saying I think this is a better idea, I just hate the idea of you continuing to wait and be in pain over something that you don’t think is going to happen anyways.
It’s not selfish. You aren’t necessarily a priority because you’re not dating any longer, and you have to remember that. But it also takes two minutes to return a phone call or like 30 seconds to answer a text. It’s not THAT hard and he can’t be THAT busy. I would be irritated too.
I think he very clearly does care and he very clearly does love you. But he hurts you, which is really counterintuitive to that. I don’t think anyone can tell you why he keeps doing it besides him. I’d honestly ask. I’d want a direct answer as to why he thinks it is okay to keep you dangling like this, because it’s messed up.
If you want a good song to cry over, go listen to What Kind of Man by Florence and the Machine. It’s so good and so relatable right now, I swear it’s like she wrote it for us.
I completely agree with you. I know I won’t get an apology because he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. I knew I wouldn’t get a response back right away because well, that’s how things work. The reason I’m waiting it out a little bit is just because I may have the opportunity to talk to him. Whenever that may be.
I’ll post an idea of what I may say to him if he doesn’t text me within today.
That’s always why I have been so laid back about all of this and letting him do his own thing. I know he’s single so he can do whatever, but still it hurts.
I don’t know if I’ll ask.. I may just let go for good. Probably even tell him I’m blocking his number and all that. It may freak him out.
I’ll listen to it!
You’re doing everything right here. Taking good care of yourself and making sure you’re the priority here. That’s all you can do. You have my thoughts with you right now.
Is he working today? Like is there any reason he shouldn’t have been able to contact you today thus far?
“I give up. You won. These games are finally over. You finally got what you wanted. You finally pushed me away completely and destroyed every bit of hope there was left. I held on so tight for 7 months because I made a promise to you that I would never leave like so many others have. You have given me no other choice now. I have to leave because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being miserable. The funny thing about all of this is, is I thought we had a chance. Now I feel stupid for believing that you ever loved me and that I was your best friend. After everything we shared and after everything I’ve done for you…why? What did I do so wrong..? Don’t answer that, but I hope you have a good enough explanation. Just know that I really tried. I have forgiven you for everything (there are a lot of things that you don’t know that I know), but I can’t forgive you for this.. I can’t forgive you for pretending to care and destroying me in the process. You must be a very cold hearted person to hurt someone who gave so much love to you.. I hope everything works out for you and that you’re happy with the girl you truly love. Goodbye.”
That is kind of harsh and I probably won’t say all that but that’s how I feel. I want him to realize he did this and I want him to feel bad. But I guess I can’t be mean if that’s what I want?
And yes he works today.
If you want him to feel bad, don’t worry about being mean. As long as it’s not melodramatic, you have a right to be as upset or harsh as you’d like. I like it, though there is a bit of a change I would make. I’m just going to copy it and bold the part I’m changing. Feel free to take it or leave it, I just think asking what “you did so wrong” isn’t the right question and puts blame on you that you don’t deserve.
“I give up. You won. These games are finally over. You finally got what you wanted. You finally pushed me away completely and destroyed every bit of hope there was left. I held on so tight for 7 months because I made a promise to you that I would never leave like so many others have. You have given me no other choice now. I have to leave because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being miserable. The funny thing about all of this is, is I thought we had a chance. Now I feel stupid for believing that you ever loved me and that I was your best friend. After everything we shared and after everything I’ve done for you… why? What would lead you to believe that is an okay way to treat someone? Especially someone you claim to love and want a future with? I have forgiven you for everything (there are a lot of things that you don’t know that I know) (maybe take that part in parentheses out as it’s kind of besides the point, but I don’t know?), but I can’t forgive you for this.. I can’t forgive you for pretending to care and destroying me in the process. You must be a very cold hearted person to hurt someone who gave so much love to you.. I hope everything works out for you and that you’re happy with the girl you truly love. Goodbye.”
Okay so I either do that…
Or I could just slowly distance myself. Doing the whole making myself unavailable thing until we finally get together and then I lay it out to him?
I just thought of that because what makes a better impression? anger or indifference? Indifference is the answer. Be whatever with him, let him establish the next meeting and then tell him then.
My friends boyfriend used to be friends with him but after all of that nonsense he kinda stopped talking to him and my ex is upset about that. I saw my friends boyfriend today and he told me to tell my ex about a golf game. So if I do that and be completely indifferent to his reponse and then lay low until he tries to get the difference, I think it will make more of a difference.
You know your ex best, so only you can make the right decision. Without trying to be harsh, and just trying to give you complete honesty, that feels like a bit of a cop out answer to me. That’s just my personal opinion and I don’t know your ex, so that genuinely may be a better strategy. That being said, from my perspective, that just essentially means you’re giving him more power because you’re waiting for him and it also means that you’re not ready to complete cut ties or give up hope yet. If that was really the case, and his response or lack of one was the final straw, you’d go through with it. I’ll be supportive of whatever you do and I may be totally off base here. It just seems to me that indifference isn’t really an answer to anything except the question of whether you’re really ready to let him go if he doesn’t shape up.
I guess I have to give you an explanation. I do have an explanation. I have never told him how he is hurting me. I never talked to him or confided in him. I let him get away with murder. if he did something to hurt me and I acted like it was okay and that it didn’t phase me and that I was happy. The “robot” feeling/act I’ve mentioned before. He has no idea the exclusive amount of hurt he is causing. He is so proud of himself for how hard he tries. He’s even mentioned it to me a lot. He gets upset when I don’t recognize it. So when I follow the guidelines I end up getting hurt more because he doesn’t understand if I was okay with it before. That’s why I wanted to talk to him before any of this.
I stick by what I said, but I also recognize that it’s not my relationship, I am not you, I don’t know much, and I’d be having a really hard time if I were in the same situation. So if what you need to do is express your hurt and pain first, give him one more chance to make things right, and then end it if it doesn’t work, so be it. You gotta do what you gotta do and it may help. The only thing I will say though is that I find it really hard to believe he has no idea you’re in pain, even if you’re a pro at bottling it up. My ex can always tell I’m in pain, even if I’m lying. I usually tell him I’m upset or mad or hurting about something else, so he doesn’t have that power or REALLY know. But he at least always knows when I’m hurting. Yours probably does too.
I’ve made my decision to end it.
One question: Do you think he will ever regret it?
Have you told him about this decision?
I absolutely think he’ll regret the way he treated you and what happened. In fact, it’s possible that you finally pulling the plug may cause him to regret it so much that he begs you to come back and potentially shapes up. I wouldn’t bank on it, at least not immediately, but I doubt he’ll take this lightly. I wouldn’t if I were a guy in his position, even if I’d been the ass he’s being.
Not Yet.. I am trying to think about the perfect thing to say..
So you think over time he will regret it?
I am almost positive he’ll regret it. I just can’t tell you how long that will take or if that means he’ll come back to you. There are no guarantees.
Wow ellie I know we have talked a while ago but i caught up on a few of your recent posts and man we are in similar predicaments with how our ex is treating us ! I haven’t been broken up as long as you and I don’t know how you have fought for so long haha but I also want to give up my ex is also treating me with such disrespect. Its really disappointing hey. I think the only way we can get them back (that is if you still want to) is to take the power away from them fully ! I’ve found it hard to do as I still give in yet at the same time despite all the wrong he has done to me I am currently still willing for forgive him for it.
Even though we have slightly differing situations would love your opinion on my post, its quite long but things keep changing haha.
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