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He probably just chose to not deal with his emotions. Men are like that they suck at handling emotions compared to women. That’s why I feel you can go a bit NC and see how it goes. You cannot force to build a strong connection in one day or two , it may even take weeks or months. You must take things slow. There’s really no use wondering why he isn’t acting in a way you supposed he will.. because he may be thinking and acting differently now since you’ve broken up. Give him some time to miss you. Then try again maybe in a few days time.
I am sorry to be harsh but you are proving to both yourself and him that you are not worth dating on a long term basis. Insecurity is more dangerous in a relationship than literally everything else.
sri, look, just calm down, alright? Don’t get obsessed about his behavior or how he’s feeling. That won’t take you anywhere. Just forget about him for a while. Like I said, treat him like an acquaintance. Talk to other guys. Flirt with them a little bit, you’re single! You’re free like a bird! It won’t do any harm.
It will take a while for you to seduce your ex. It’s not going to be an easy task. But you have to be persistent if he’s who you really want. So fight!You said you’re feeling good without him. Be honest to yourself. Are you really?
I wanna share a story with you. I hope you don’t mind, but I think I can shed some light on you. It’s gonna be a bit long, but please take your time and read it.
If you read my topic yesterday, you noticed I talked about a guy who was my boyfriend before I met my current ex. I’m not holding anything here, okay? I was INSANE about this guy. He was my first boyfriend. Looking back now, I was a teenager, and I really don’t know what attracted me to him. I was just in love with him.
But I suffered so much… You have no idea the pain I went through because of my love for him. He would pick other people over me. This went on for 4 years. Yes, 4 years of unrequited love. And so I fought and I fought until finally I got him around my finger. I got him to commit to me… only to be used by him. He would use my wild feelings to get what he wanted.
Even though I was in tremendous pain, I learned to live with it. I thought “I only want him to be happy. That’s real love. Whether it’s with me or with someone else. I’ll stand my ground.”
At night, I would pray and try to speak to God. I saw some miracles happen between me and that guy. When I got him, he broke up with me about 3 months later. I was devastated. By that time, I already knew my current ex and other guys who were hitting on me. When that happened, me and my current ex got closer. It was as if he was a gift from God. Then, some weeks later, that guy sent me an extensive text message saying how sorry he was and that he needed me. I forgave him. My current ex didn’t give up. He was crazy about me. He would fantasize like crazy, he would blow up my phone with calls and texts.
And so I thought “He really likes me… This is what real love seems like. And… oh God, I’m in love with him…”
(Side note here: it’s crazy how the roles turned. For 4 years I was the one fighting for someone and then someone comes fighting for me.)
Another fight with that other guy. I knew this was it. I wanted no one else than my current ex. When that other guy came to apologize, I told him “I don’t want you anymore. You used me. I was so scared of rocking the boat because of my love for you, but know this: someone showed me what a real partner is like. Go find yourself a bigger wallet. My love isn’t measured by money. Farewell.”I screamed in happiness that day. I was released. Finally I could stretch my wings and fly to the arms of someone who was really into me! I felt revitalized.
All this long story to show you something: you may be crazy for someone, like I was. You may be blinded by love. When you are blinded, you can’t see. You can’t think clearly. You think that guy is the one and there’s no one else for you… until some other comes along, does his courting role, surpasses your current love and you’re left in doubt. Then you have to choose. And only themselves will dictate how you make your choice.
So, calm down, okay? If you ask me now “What if some other guy came and showed you he could be better than your ex?”, I would say, I don’t know. It would be hard for someone else to conquer me right now, partially because I’m not entirely over him, but also partially because I’m hard-to-get and he would have to be quite persistent. I’m quite picky when it comes to guys. 😛 But, sure, being chased feels good… it sure does. I find my ex to be quite attractive. Even now I get the tingle when I see pics of him. And that destroys me. Of course, if another guy came up to me and he was better looking than him, I would feel better, because “Hey, I have quite the choice now, don’t I? Seems like you’ve got competition like good old days, my old friend.”Take it easy on your guy. Don’t suffer. Remember, you can only feel pain for yourself. You’re not doing yourself a favor, are you? Don’t be an idiot like me who spent 4 years fighting for a dead cause. Go meet new people. Turn your ego up. There are cases of couples who stay broken up for a while and then reconnect and are now married. If you and your guy shared unique stuff, nothing can erase that. No matter how hard you try to do that, it’s impossible. I’m speaking for my case too. My ex can go as far as he wants. He can get a new girl, if he wants. But he’ll realize he had it all with me. He’ll confirm what he told me so many times. That I’m unique. That I’m perfect. That I stand out.
These words are coming from a place of strength. Not pain, although I’m dying on the inside. Like you, I also want this pain to go away. I want my guy back. But I don’t need him. I’m not a symbiont. Neither are you. Just talk to him occasionally, otherwise you’ll be friendzoned. And be strong.
Ya platinum thnx alot
I felt really good thnx for sharing your story 🙂
I dont talk to him regularily
I talk to him ocassionaly …..!! bit its jst that i become restless because i am starting it again….i spent so many years in a relationship and i have to start it all over again….He gets online but never messages me… 🙁 currently 2 guys are hitting on me… one of them is tryong very hard..but i start comparing them with him and … i realize how great our realtionship was ..i wont say it was perfect because we broke up so it was definately not perfect but we complemtd each othr so mch…. and now.. he makes me feel so unwanted
You’re not unwanted. You have two guys hitting on you. Talk to them. Ignore your ex. Do they know you’re broken up? Go along with their conversation. You’re single. Go on a date with them, if you can. You can’t be waiting for your ex to come. If he senses you’re waiting for him, he’ll make you wait more because he can have you anytime he wants. He won’t feel motivated to get you back.
Get in your best shape. Make him go “wow”. Make him swallow what he said. Make him freaking regret breaking up so bad he can’t sleep at night. I’ll do the same.
I know what you mean about starting all over again. When my ex committed to me I thought I would be spared of more suffering, but I was wrong. You see, this is part of life, unfortunately. If we go back some years in time, couples were stronger. Feelings were more genuine. Everyone was so loyal. The world is going insane. I mean, watch the news on TV and you’ll see what I mean. Ideals are getting lost. Breaking up is becoming something more and more common, and that’s why more and more people don’t waste their time weeping over someone, or investing in a relationship. Some are just fine being friends with benefits, or having one night stands. Why having just one guy when they can have them all at the same time?
Honestly, this world is getting sick. I don’t approve of any of those things.For now, just calm down. It’s hard, and even awkward, to talk to our exes as if they were strangers. We had it all and then suddenly we have nothing.
Yeah I agree on what Platinum said, listen to this girl she knows what she’s talking about! 🙂
I’m going through the same thing as you sri, it’s so weird not talking to my ex. It’s feeling like a part of me is missing. When we used to talk the whole day about everything. The thing is I’ve learned to not look at whether is he online or not anymore. I stopped worrying if he’s missing me or gonna talk to me or whatsover. We honestly had an awesome relationship together, he was my soulmate, my best friend and my closest person on Earth. And this is the biggest problem too, I’ve experience growing up with him for too long I’ve forgotten what’s its like to be independent. But for now I just agree both of us have to go on some time apart and experience life on its own. I believe true love has an habit of coming back because it’s gonna be always there, because real feelings don’t just fade it plays along with time. It’s always gonna be there.
I feel the best thing you can do down is stop contacting him for a little while longer. And really, calm your emotions. We don’t need a man to keep on living, the right ones come and live on with us, bringing out the best in us. Show him that you can live without him. He need to realise he should fight for you like he did before. And you’re not gonna be always there waiting for him. You don’t want him to treat you as a doormat don’t you? Sorry but that’s exactly what I feel I am too – a doormat, for trying to love him too much more than he ever need.
But that’s the old me. I’m different now. I don’t need him to continue living. He’s just a bonus to it. I have patience one day I’m gonna find my jackpot. 😉 Even if it’s him or someone else. The future is so unpredictable, you just can to keep moving on, you really must. Pick yourself up and start living for yourself, a relationship is only a part of our lives but if we’re not happy with our own lives how can we have a healthy relationship with someone? Take this opportunity to grow up, start loving yourself and do things for yourself. One day when you look back, you’ll realise how much time you’ve wasted living for someone else who don’t care at that moment. Have faith that if it’s meant to be it will happen, you don’t have to force anything. Stay strong!
Ignoring means should i stop talking to my ex?????
How can i tell him that am goinh on a date???
I have joind gym i am trying to get in shapeI became fat..not to much but ya i have lost my flat tummy..i am a belly dancer
Because of this i stopped dancing because i hated my figure..he loved my dance too…
But i now i am trying to get that flat belly again…once i get it back i’ll be able to dance again..i’ll wear all sexy dresses…the thing is because of weight gain i stopped loving myself..i mean i do
But that confidence i had before i lost itShould i stop talking to my ex ocassionaly?? Or i should take small steps while talking to him??
No, don’t tell him directly you’re going on a date. In fact, he doesn’t really have to know. Just go and have fun. Only if he asks what you’re up, you can tell you went out with someone.
Now that you’ve opened the lines of communication, you can make small conversations. But don’t become “annoying”. He needs to understand that you don’t really need him and that’s one way of showing him. You should paint an independent image in his mind by doing it.
Go working out. You have to restore that girl he fell in love with. This is all about changing minds. In fact, if I were you, I would strive for an even better girl than the one he fell in love with. He needs to understand that you’re the girl that can get any man she wants.
We females are the ones who choose our partners. This is biological, and trust me, I’m a biology student and I know what I’m talking about. Have you watched males of other species (let’s say, for instance, a peacock) do their courting to the females? Heck, some even fight (bears, for example) just to get access to them! We humans are very similar to this. Men WANT to do the courting. They will feel awkward if girls are the ones doing the courting to them, because that’s just not the way it’s supposed to be.
You have 3 guys in your list right now. Let them do their male job and then YOU are the one who chooses. Not them. Males want to be chosen, not to chose.So yes, get in your best shape ever. As you do, use your anger, sadness, any negative feelings you may have and use them as fuel for your workout. It works with me. Although I haven’t changed my weight much before and after this relationship. I’m not unsatisfied with my weight, but I guess losing a little bit won’t do any harm.
Should i flirt with him??
Or text casualy??
Thnkyu so much guys for your help seriously u guys understand me so wellAlso, working on yourself will give you something extra: you can find the man of your dreams. Whether it’s your ex or someone you don’t know yet. Remember my story. My now ex came to me out of nowhere. Another guy can come to me out of nowhere as well. The same can happen to you.
What we’re striving here for is happiness. Although I’m still not over my ex and I want him more than anything I’m aware I feel like that because I’m still in love with him. Another guy can come and sweep me off my feet and make me forget about him. We never know.
As for flirting, I wouldn’t flirt if he doesn’t flirt first. Of course, a sexy change in you may make him start flirting with you. We also have to take this seduction into account.
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