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AHHHHHHH
After 8 Days of most recent NC and 93 days apart…
I sent “I’d still like to grab that cup of coffee with you when you’re available. Hope you are well.”
She said “Hey! I’d like to do coffee. I’m pretty busy this week but how about this weekend?” Then said “How are you?”
I waited 2 hours, was at dinner… and responded Great, 4pm, at this place we used to go in her neighborhood.
NOW I WAIT….
Wondering
AND THEN IT ALL BACK FIRED–
I sent my text. And now it’s been 24 hours and she hasn’t responded to confirm.
And she back on her dating apps messaging other guys.
Should I get the hint?
I’m sure she will reply! Just give her some time. Don’t worry about the other guys she’s messaging, that doesn’t downplay the fact that she agreed to coffee. Don’t get too down unless she cancels! Which she hasn’t so far. Keep being positive, I’m sure that it will all work out.
Well, she went on her first date with another guy tonight.
And, right after him, she was back to messaging other guys.Hi, Wondering. I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling disappointed that she’s dating other men. But I think it might be helpful for you to remember that it’s not ALL or NOTHING; she agreed to have coffee with you. Coffee. It didn’t necessarily mean that she wants to get back together and have lots of babies. Her response seemed quite neutral and friendly. It’s important not to get carried away… and trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I’ve spent 5 years getting too carried away by friendly gestures and am struggling with this very same thing right now.
She agreed to meet you. You will see her again, just as you wanted.
Anyway, think about those jokers she’s going out with… couldn’t they also say, “Yeah, i went out with this girl last week but… she’s having coffee with her ex so I guess there’s that.” ?
Wondering, I thought you were going to do NC – you aren’t giving her a chance to miss you – you are at her whim, she’s probably thinking – I cant be bothered to have that coffee with him this weekend, he’ll probably ask me again in a week and i’ll see how I feel then. Sorry to be so blunt, but you don’t seem to be getting it and you are risking your situation. Asking for a coffee every week comes across as needy in itself. If my ex asked me for a coffee every week, I’d be turned off massively (and I want him back!). If you want a closure meeting, which you have mentioned before, then be aware it will be a closure meeting (you will never see her again). If you want a reconciliation, I really don’t think asking her for a coffee every week is the way to go about it. Even if she actually meets you, you don’t seem in a place to handle the situation well – you are checking up on her behind her back. Even if you don’t come across as needy and somehow there is a reconciliation, its not the right place to start a relationship from. I’m being blunt to try to help you. You need space for your own good. The more you contact her, the longer the to and fro will go on and the less likely you will be to get back together in the long run. You need to heal more first before you do anything. I hope I don’t offend, I wish you well
Thank you for your feedback.
I just have things I need to get off my chest.
Hopefully she still allows me this opportunity. I’ve dated others too in the meantime, and I’ve experienced what it’s like without her.
We’ve done no contact. Did 34 days and 2 periods of 2 weeks NC and then another 8 days. Recently the contact has been less.
I know her actions now are showing me there’s little to no chance for reconciliation, however, I need to see her for my own closures sake.
I will only know then if the door is still open or if it is closed completely.
Til now, I’ve only been wondering and speculating but a face to face gives me some truth.
My only issue here is why she would say yes, then go distant when I set a time a place???
I don’t think it’s that she’s gone “Distant”… I think it’s that she’s treating your coffee date the way she would treat a coffee date with a friend. I don’t think she’s really aware of all the emphasis you’re putting on it; I think to her it might just be coffee. I know you’re still very much in love with her and want her back, but keep in mind that you’re broken up and you can’t “girl-friend-zone” her…. that is, expect her to behave like a girl-friend or a potential girl-friend. I think she agreed to your coffee invite because it seemed casual, no pressure… try to continue in that vein, for yourself, too.
Like you said, you’ll know when you see her. The best way to see her is to play it calm. She’ll get back to you, don’t worry. I know it’s easier said than done but try to tell yourself that the cooler you are, the better your chances are of seeing her.
I know. I know. I’ve done so well at breathing and taking time and composing my thoughts all this time.
In the 3 months that have passed I haven’t called out of desperation, begged or pleaded with her. I’ve handled it better (that she can see) than I ever imagined I would.
I’ve given the initial space, sent a second chance letter, had a phone call, and sent some good memory texts. I’ve responded politely, and I’ve also tried to re-attract her thru some text messages–she never once told me to stop or that it was too hard for her.
I’ve also done things for me.. taken care of myself physically, and dated other people.A lot has changed for me in these 3 months, I guess I’m hoping the new me version 2.0 will make her think wow he’s got it together, what did I do?
So yes, maybe this is just a friendly coffee but I’ll be able to know a whole lot more in the first 30 seconds.
That is, if this coffee ever happens.
Well here we are…
She finally text me this afternoon… “Hey, can we do earlier on Sat? Like noonish?
I said “Hi! I actually teach now till noon and am going to be training new teachers till 2. Does 230 work?”
Thoughts on why she’s making it earlier? I think she wants to have another date with someone lined up after me. That must be the reason.
Confused.
Always. Wondering.The day has finally come; I have met my male twin. I thought I was the only one who read into things so deeply and got into my own head like this!
My friend, I will tell you the same thing my friends have had to tell me time and time again when I start spiraling into a paranoid freakout: Relax. Don’t do it.
She wants to meet earlier because she wants to meet earlier. I highly highly doubt she’s shuffling you around to accommodate her dating schedule; would she have a date that early in the day? She could have a million reasons for meeting earlier, none of which probably involve another man. Picking up dry cleaning. Errands. Meeting her mom for lunch. Dentist’s appointment. What if she’d said “can we meet later?” Would you have thought, “she wants to make our meeting later so she can finish having sex and then post-sex brunch with her new dude”? THAT WAS HYPOTHETICAL 🙂 You’ve got to try to calm down – you’ll only drive yourself insane this way.
Take it from one who knows (and who spent the weekend in tears because her guy said, “I saw that girl you’re always hanging out with. I don’t know her name. Is she a good friend of yours?” I was sure it meant he wants to date her. I didn’t sleep for TWO NIGHTS…). The more in your head you get, the more you will damage things.
So she said she has family friends she has to entertain then she proposed Sunday brunch.
I made a joke about New Zealanders and sleeping in and that brunch on Sunday sounds good.
She said “K”
Wow. “K”. Wtf?
Anyways, we are on for Sunday and sure enough while she was texting me she was texting other guys on her dating site as well.We shall see Sunday friends.
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