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Hey bingbong, your letter is spectacular but i dont think you should send it either. The situation has changed and the letter would push her away right now i think. I think you should resume no contact again just to make sure you yourself are doing ok. After all, you have to be happy yourself in order to be able to make someone else happy.
She still cares for you and it shows. Time will help both of you right now
Qball,
You’re 100% right. I realized yesterday that I wasn’t ready to end NC. I thought I was, but I definitely not. I’m giving myself (and my ex) more time time & space for now.
We also had a heart-to-heart before deciding to give each other more space. The relationship ended and I went straight into NC. So I didn’t really get a good explanation. She said that it wasn’t because she no longer loved me, but because the distance was too hard and she was too upset. During this talk, she said she just said that to soften the blow.
As I mentioned earlier, she flew up to Virginia from Florida to go to a concert with me (one of our favorite bands). She said she had a great time and I know she did. I could tell. When I dropped her off at the airport, she was upset like usual and crying. I know this girl still loves me… But she said “Once I got home, I just got this overwhelming feeling that the spark just wasn’t there anymore.”
To me, this doesn’t make any sense. I have experienced some pain associated with a LDR that could be described as feeling like “the spark was gone” but it’s just a part of missing the person. I knew I loved this girl and I got over it. I feel like this is the case with her. I feel like she was getting hit with a wave of separation anxiety (she has always been hit a LOT harder than me with the pains of the distance….she’s just a needy person that way). I think this because she was having a great time when she came up just the weekend before she broke it off, she was telling me how she loved me, we were romantic in bed (no sex because of unfortunate timing w/ her period), and because she was so upset to leave and go home. On top of that, she described this feeling as only hitting her once she got home and that it was overwhelming…EXCACTLY the way acute separation anxiety comes on.
What do you all think? For now, I am back in NC. Firstly, for myself and so I can get to a clear state of mind. But also for her. I want to give her time to clear her head. If I’m right, this extra level of separation should cause her to come around or to at least realize that she made a mistake and that she does, in fact, love me.
I think you have the right idea going. Ive never really heard of acute separation anxiety! If it is that, im not sure if its a good idea to call your ex out on that just because anyone can be defensive if they were told that too. I really do hope that she does come around. I mean why dont they want us to love them ya know? Haha
I think you have the right idea going. Ive never really heard of acute separation anxiety! If it is that, im not sure if its a good idea to call your ex out on that just because anyone can be defensive if they were told that too. I really do hope that she does come around. I mean why dont they want us to love them ya know? Haha oh and why’d you comment watching on the other post?
What I mean by acute separation anxiety is a bout of separation anxiety that is brought on by a specific event. In this case, her coming here and spending a weekend with me and then going home. This is in contrast to general separation anxiety that is a result of us being apart.
Good. Basically realized I need to stop hoping something will happen. That’s putting my happiness in her hands. I need to take back the control I ceded to her. Essentially, I realized I needed to move on. If (in the future) she comes around like I think she could, then great. We’ll play from there. But for now I’m getting myself back to making myself happy and doing things for me.
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