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Yea, I’ve accepted it may/may not happen but worth trying right?!
Yes, I have two actually. A non for profit and for profit. One helps young girls the other helps adult women. So definitely keeping me busy at this time.
I would’ve thought he’d reach out by now as well but all good. Also thought maybe he was looking for me like I normally do. Kinda hard to tell but it’s ok.What does this mean? “Also thought maybe he was looking for me like I normally do. Kinda hard to tell but it’s ok”.
In what way are you helping girls and women? Best wishes for both businesses!
If your ex doesn’t contact you within the next couple of weeks, are you going to contact him to just touch base so to speak?
I guess I was saying maybe he hasn’t reached out because I’m normally the one who does. Since I haven’t I was thinking he’s lost interest.
With my non for profit, I mentor young girls by helping them create social change within themselves and their communities. I have a program that focuses on making that happen and teaches it at local community centers and Afterschool programs.
With women I have a business that teaches them how to better themselves and their lives through vision boards. I show them that by simply creating a vision board you can change the way you think, act and speak about the future.
I’m not sure. It’s like one part of me plans to, but the other part is saying what’s the point? If he isn’t reaching out why should I? I’m confused when it comes to that. What do you think?
Hello RichBeauty, I know you’re busy with your businesses, but how are you holding up otherwise .. are you still following the no contact? Your ex might be the stubborn type and feels like he would be a weak man to go against his decision of breaking up and he probably thinks that includes not contacting you either. Plus he remembers the smothering you did and might think if he contacts you, it will start a chain reaction of you doing it again. Anyway, maybe the middle of next week try a short note to say hi and ask how he’s doing. Maybe something personal you know about him; like asking about his work or family etc.. but keep it very short. If he answers, write one more short note about him teaching you to play spades. You could even look up spades on the internet, read up on it, and then say it looks like fun, but you’re confused about it and it would be great if he could show you how to play the game sometime. Hoping all is well and take good care of yourself:)
Hello Patricia, I’m hanging in there and still following through with the no contact. I’ve been really focused on my businesses and since they all focus around children in some way, I’m swamped now that school is back in which really helps.
My ex is a really stubborn person and was one who never played around with breaking up (something he’d tell me repeatedly) so I’m sure it’s one of the main reasons he has not reached out or admitted (if any) that maybe breaking up was a mistake.
Nonetheless everything is going good and I’m still in a positive mindset about it. I may reach out in the next week or so about playing but I’m really hoping he reaches out to me. I feel if I do it will feel like I’m doing the smothering again.
Thanks for reaching out Patricia. Like always, your talks are reassuring ?Hey Patricia, Today was a struggle for me. Had time on my hands and most of it was thinking about him. I’ve kept with the no contact but wondering have I lost my chance with him? He still hasn’t contacted me so I’m thinking maybe he’s getting serious with the lady friend. I’m also skeptical on reaching out next week because I’ll feel like he will think I’ve started back with my smothering. Still on the fence on what to do and just needed some advice.
Hi RichBeauty, It’s been a month since his last text so he won’t think you’re smothering him. In fact, he might think you’re seeing someone because you’ve changed your pattern of smothering into not reaching out to him so frequently. Write him in the next few days and see what happens. Don’t forget to mention playing spades:) When he replies, don’t go on too long with replies to that.
Hey Patricia,
I reached out to him today. No response back yet but keeping positive about it.
Update Patricia,
So we talked for a minute. Again I reached out since it’s been a month. I kept it short like you told me to but did squeeze in some info about spades. He promised to teach me.
My question is what do I do now?Did you two talk on the phone or was the “talk” via text? Did you ask him when it might be convenient for him to teach you how to play spades? Did he ask you how you were doing with the business or anything?
The talk was via text and very universal. He didn’t ask about my businesses or anything. I mainly did the talking by asking how he is, his family and he was just responding. I told him he still owed me a spades lesson but his reply was simply “I got you”. I don’t know what to think of this convo.
Sometimes texting doesn’t convey the feeling behind the words and some people don’t like to text a lot. They might prefer a phone call or even an email wherein they can take the time to write down more detail. He didn’t even ask about your personal life? Did he write he was glad to hear from you or something to that effect? I don’t know the entire conversation, but it doesn’t seem like he was showing much interest:( An email would give him time to think how to respond instead of coming up with a reply quickly on the spur of the moment.
You wrote: ” I told him he still owed me a spades lesson”. Ordinarily this sentence would seem harmless, but to him it might have sounded like some sort of guilt maneuver, as in you have an obligation to me. I know that wasn’t your intention,but this sentence just jumped off the page to me, lol. I guess that’s why I mentioned asking him when it would be convenient to teach you. But I don’t even know if that’s the best way either. Oh well, it probably doesn’t even matter what you say as long as he picks up on the idea that you would like to see him again sometime.
Gosh, I’m starting to get a little concerned because it was a month ago you first asked him about the spades thing and he hasn’t tried to make any arrangements with you. Other than flat out asking him about a certain day, I guess the ball is in his court again. Another idea would be to ask him if it would be convenient Saturday or Sunday. Kinda pin him down to confirm one day or the other, lol.
Now I’m wondering about that ‘friend’ he mentioned. What’s going on there? If it were me I might be tempted to send an email and let him know I would like him to teach me how to play spades sometime this weekend if he isn’t seriously dating someone. I know that’s really not a good idea though. It was only about 2 months ago you met up in person and he said he loved you and a month ago talked about spades. But it just seems like this waiting for him to make a plan with you is taking sooooo long! It must seem like an eternity to you.
Hope you’re doing well with the businesses and with your work outs:)
This waiting is driving me INSANE??. He never asked about my personal life and/or family, even after I asked about his. In fact he kind of ended our conversation after he responded to me saying he still owed me a spades lesson.
I definitely didn’t imply it as a obligation but I see what you mean. When we were dating we texted but mainly conversation was through the phone so I can try that but I’m lost at this point.
I was thinking about asking to see him again “if he wasn’t seriously dating someone” but was thinking like you it may be too risky.
Don’t know if he has an email address. We never contacted that way. Something I should of mentioned earlier in the beginning of me reaching out for help is he was in jail for 8 years. He’s only been out for 4. Our relationship has been the most serious since he’s been out. Not sure if this changes anything but just thought of that as I was responding.
I asked a male friend about this situation on Sunday and he basically gave it to me straight. Told me that our conversation 2 months ago at dinner was hes way of reconnecting with me. That when he apologized for hurting me and saying he was still in love with me was his way of saying “I’m rethinking my decision of breaking up with you but not man enough to admit it.” Told me that while he may be getting close to the “friend” if I say “hey would you like to try this again” or something of that sort it would have him running back… lol.
He’s always been a stubborn guy and won’t budge unless something truly gets him thinking.
Maybe I can reach out and ask for his email but I’m thinking that would be smothering again. I’m sooo lost on what to do now ???Hey, what your male friend makes a lot of sense! And it just might be true:) Does this friend of yours know your ex? Why was your ex in jail for so long? Maybe that had something to do with his thinking you were smothering him too much. In jail I guess there’s a lot of structured routines and very little privacy. Maybe kind of like a smothering closed in feeling. Anyway, I think it would be a great idea to get his email and write a nice note letting him know you would like to try again. But start out slowly and have a talk about how you could please each other to make a possible relationship better than it was before. This could also be done over the phone, but if you write it out, it will give him the words to read over and time to think about how exactly to respond. If he’s been seeing the ‘friend’ for 2 months, you should tell him all this stuff before he gets too emotionally involved with her. I heard it takes men about 3-5 months to fall in love with a woman. I don’t know if that’s true or not or even if they are involved in a romantic type relationship, but you don’t have anything to lose by writing or talking to him at this point. He already knows you love him. Maybe let him know it might be a good idea to email each other because by doing it that way, you could write each other when convenient. Don’t worry about him thinking you’re smothering him again because you’ve already proved you’ve changed due to the fact you had no contact for a long time..
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