Recently broke up, I know she still cares

[londoner83]

Hi all,

In the last couple of months my ex and I had some testing times, namely small arguments that sometimes flared up. These weren’t over anything serious, but it was my reaction to questions or sometimes my tone they caused a reaction from her which led to me and so on.

She told me recently that it’s best we split up. We had some breaks before that but ultimately couldn’t handle not talking. She also noted herself how she’d sometimes acted also. But ultimately that came from me pushing her, when I’d want to talk about the situation she’d want to not but I would push her in to it. We’ve had a lot of back and forth and she’s said she feels exhausted from it, she mentioned recently that her feelings have changed slightly.

But at the same time her family is having some problems, and she lives in London and her family live about 2 hours away so I know that’s playing on her mind. With all of this she has said she doesn’t have enough time to give everyone what they need and focus on us whilst going through this, and that sounds quite positive to me but then that leads her to say that she doesn’t want me to be hanging around for her if her feelings change. Which is totally fair. But I’m hurting so much we’ve been together for 18 months and are both 36, we’ve spoken about our future together too. She has sa

In the last 6 weeks I’ve really understood what has caused this but she feels too much has happened to get past. I want to give her the space she’s asked for especially as she visits her family (uncle is dying from cancer, brother separating from wife, other brother has some emotional drink/drug issues with a new born, having to find her mum somewhere to live) whilst trying to a new job herself. With everything that has gone on with us she’s had even more crap to deal with. She hasn’t been able to turn to me for support and I’m upset about that.

We’re hoping to meet up next 2 weeks as I’ve booked her a hair appointment for her cousins wedding in 3 weeks. She’s a little bit cautious about accepting it. I know she cares for me as sent her something a while back and she said it’s making this harder, which really isn’t my intention.

On Wednesday she told me the above about not waiting, this hit me hard and had me crying at work, previously before that I’d got her a phone case which arrived that day. She called me after work to thank me and we spoke. She then called me later that as she said she didn’t know to turn to to explain a very serious conversation she’d had with her brother and his separation happening that night. She was driving back home to her family’s place and asked her to let me know she got there safe to which she replied she’d prefer to not have this contact. So sa times I’m confused but really just trying to be there and listen as that was something I didn’t do at times.

Is my best option here to give her the total space she wants? I’m sure she’ll call me at some point or send a text, I don’t want to play games but I want to show her I listen and that yes we have split up but from this now we understand each other better and we speak more about how we feel we can make it stronger?

Thanks in advance.

[gamecoder.nz]

Why did you book the hair appointment for her and why are you going to it yourself?

Yes give her the space that she wants. She has indicated that she does not want personal contact from you so you need to respect that for now.

I know the pain you feel. You want her back and trying anything to do so. But all you are doing at this point is pushing her away.

[BobbyL216]

Dude, we’ve all been there before. It’s why we’re here in the first place. But as easy as it is to say “it gets better”, it really does get better. And the key to that is no contact.
I was in a horrible place mentally 2 weeks ago, but now I feel a lot better about myself. Sign up for the emails, genuinely work on yourself, and make a real effort to get through the week without talking to her. From there, it’s all uphill for all you know. You can do anything.
It’ll take some serious pain to have your epiphany in regards to what kind of man you want to be, and the best way to make that happen. Me personally, I had to resort to some things I’m not proud of. But I feel like I’ve reached a point where my potential as a man is limitless, and you can too.
If you can get to that point while still listening to Kevin’s advice, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor. Just keep your head up. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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