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I text her, figured I shouldn’t wait any longer. Hoping it was the right decision, hoping all of this was the right decision. Freaked out about everything, I love her so much and I hope I didn’t make the wrong choice. That the space will only push us apart.
Eurgh, now I’m worrying that doesn’t this completely negate the whole “Things have changed” part of me I’m supposed to be showing her? I’m so fucking unravelled at the moment.
It’s sent now. Wait to see what she replies.
My ex text again. “The ceiling is falling in. How was your weekend? Where are you going? ”
Ceiling falling in is a german saying meaning that everything is too much. Exams I guess. As for the where am I going. I’m a bit screwed. That was my curve ball and I don’t know how to answer.
Might go with, “not sure now. Depends. The exams will go well.”
What do you think?
I think that’s good, gives her support but doesn’t give too much away. I wouldn’t worry about answering that part honestly, not really her business as it stands.
Fuck sake, I’m stressing so much. I don’t know if I should have done any of this. One of my specialties has always been self-sabotage. Somehow I always pick the wrong choice.
Should’ve just said my parents were going to be around or something instead of being all vague, then admitting I couldn’t face it I think.
I got a text back:
“Hello, thank you replying. That’s ok, I understand. I’m afraid I really can’t next weekend as I have plans with family and the girls from uni. What about the weekend afterwards? Xxx”
What do you think this means?
The first thing I worry is that it’s Valentine’s day next weekend. Worry doesn’t even describe it. Is she seeing someone else?
Now the part of the conversation she had with my friend “I thought we were already over” seems more pertinent than the head or heart part.
Feel like I should have seen her this weekend. What about flowers for Valentine’s? Probably too needy.
Hello.
Here is a crazy thought. Maybe it means that she had plans with family and friends. Were you ever into valentines?
She hardly had a fella when she was crying not so long ago.Or maybe she is playing the game. Women are clever. She took her time. You said no to this weekend. She says no to next. And maybe she is afraid because it’s valentines. Take up the offer for the next weekend. You have 2 weeks to be a new Charlie then. Reply tomorrow to her. Give a Good space until you reply.
2 weeks Charlie. Lots of time to work on youSo I replied an hour ago. She replied straight away. Asking again where. I said home for a christening then a trip. She asked where. She made a guess at London to visit a good mate. I said I dont know.
Was time to end the chat. So I said I was just gone from dinner. Tired. Good night.
She gets her answer on the trip. But I throw another teaser in with the dinner.She just text again. Wants to meet after the exams. That’s in 2 weeks too.
We will help each other through these weeks. Ok? Guide each other. This is our chance
She never celebrated it before us, at least that’s what she said before we had our first one. I always made sure we did something, even if it was just a special dinner I made at home.
You’re right. I need to get a grip if I’m honest. It’s part of my problem. Always ignoring what’s in front of me and listening to my thoughts instead. I can’t do anything either way, and I wouldn’t want to be a part of it if it were the case anyway. It’s another two weeks that freaks me, but I should use them constructively, as opposed to how I’ve spent the last three or so. Maybe this is the test.
I can’t believe the results you’re getting Patrick. An instant reply says so much, let alone it’s content. Maybe you’re finally getting back to where you were at the start of your relationship, she wants to know about you. Who you are. Play it cool man. I think this is your opportunity to move things on from friends, so don’t give too much right away. You know that anyway I’m sure. Don’t reply to the meeting text tonight.
I have to thank you, it sounds crazy but you’ve really helped me a lot, more than anyone I have around me has honestly. Looks like you’ve helped others too. Everyone has been giving me ‘instant’ advice, emotionally charged advice. I get that I can’t see it that way if it’s to work at all.
Funny that isn’t it. I went to visit my friend before I found this site and was able to help him repair his relationship troubles simply from what I had learned from my mistakes.
What an odd coincidence that we’ll with any luck be meeting them around the same time. Please keep me updated with the contact you two have. I imagine my contact will be sparse but I’d love to hear about yours.
I’ll keep you updated for sure. I get this chat sent to my emails so I can usually reply and update you.
He last message was actually; “good night. Would be cool to meet you after the exams”.
No I will not reply. Gives her a reason to text again. She will probably all in the next few days when we can meet or something. It is hard I’ll admit to not reply straight away and get sucked in. So I make a point to wait at least a half hour before replying. It’s usually longer. I left it 6 hours today. And I won’t wish her good luck for the exams. Not unless she asks something. But I’ve said it enough times anyway.2 weeks sounds like a long time. It’s not really. Have you got work? Or studying or what? Singeing to occupy the days. The evenings are tough. Do some exercise. Go for a jog and so on. It clears the head. Jog on grass if you can. Don’t be like me. My legs are destroyed from jogging on the roads every day when I was your age.
And you should try some meditation. And another thing. Your mind is not you. Think about that over the next few days. Your mind is not you. You are your body and the brain that keeps it going. But your mind is this other thing that creates random thoughts and emotions and feelings. It throws things things up at us. It’s not us making these things up. The mind does that. So when it throws up thoughts like everything is going to be a disaster, then just remember that it is your mind doing that. Not you.
This will take a few days to sink in, to understand. Maybe a better example; you know when you stand on a Bridge or up high somewhere and suddenly your mind says jump. I wonder what it’s like? That is not you actively creating that idea. That is your mind. And we can’t control or mind, but if we understand it better, we can control or actions and reactions. We can say that that right was ridiculous. Go away.This sounds crazy but think about that. Another thing. Spend some time thinking about time and the concept of time. How we cannot undo the past so why be bothered by it. It’s done. If we constantly look back grappling for something that has happened and is gone then time will move on and leave us behind. I think this is what happened in your relationship. You have to now look forward. The future is coming. You can’t stop that. But you can enjoy it and have a certain amount of control on it. I think that there are an infinite number of paths that we can take in life. Stay on your path. Stay on it for you. She will walk alongside you on hers if you let time do its thing. Enjoy and look forward to what is coming and you will head into the future together. But by looking back for answers you will get left behind and she will move on. You will be out of step. And she will get further along her path and therefore farther away.
Sorry about the typos. I use the phone and it writes some awful trash sometimes.
It is an odd coincidence that we will meet them on the same weekend.
You sound like a man that likes to read? Check out Eckhart tolle: the power of now.
Just read in general. It helps you use your own imagination, create your own thoughts. Eat healthy (that’s one I’m not great at), and keep active. Even walking. Walking is good.No need to thank me. I had people helping me. I hope it does help you in the long run and I’m not encourage you to make a mess of things. But a bit of space for you 2 for a few weeks will be good for you both. Ease the tension a bit.
Funny that, I have The Power Of Now on my shelf. Need to give it a go.
I’m a project manager at a web design company. I work with a really fantastic group of people, but the job is quite difficult as it’s mainly complaints. The workload is always pretty high too. Normally it would be water off a duck’s back, but it’s been getting me down a lot recently. I’m thinking about some unpaid leave next week just to try and get my head together.
This morning was bad, I dreamt she was ‘going to space’ (instead of going abroad I guess) and wouldn’t be able to ever see me again, but she was resolute in her decision to do so.
This evening hasn’t been amazing so far. I keep thinking that actually the heated emotion could’ve allowed me to say the things I wanted to and be heard. I feel like I actually made the decision to make things more casual by not seeing her. Like the situation wasn’t as dire as I thought, and yes I’ll be calmer now, but is that actually better? It’s better for me, but what about our relationship?
I haven’t text back, but thought about saying:
“Thank you. Sure thing, weekend after will be nice. That sounds like an excellent weekend, I hope you have fun. You know I miss you, right? Xxx”
Where do you work? Any more news from your end?
Hello. No news from my end. Wasn’t expecting any more for a few days. I work as a civil engineer for a property company that belongs to the state. So or department keep the buildings in order and if something goes wrong we get it sorted. I’m only there a month so learning still.
You think you have made things worse. But not long ago she was saying that if she came to you it definitely would not be too patch things up. It couldn’t have gotten any worse. Since that she has been thinking. She has been crying.
Play hard ball. She isn’t going anywhere soon. If she texts again then maybe say enjoy your weekend. See you the following one. Don’t bother with the missing her. Then you are back to square one. Running after her didn’t work before. Why would it now? But make your own decisions at the end of the day. You know she is missing you and thinking about you. She was crying. You need to get her to want you back. And she didn’t just days ago. So you need a new tactic. That’s what I think anyway .
Or did you send that already?
Maybe you’re right. I can only leave it up to her I guess. I do think she said what she said out of fear, not because she meant it. I think she was worried I was going to beg for her, but then I offered an easy time.
I don’t think she’ll text again honestly, it’ll be my reply that comes next. She’s not like that. She’s quite the tomboy in fact. Stronger than doing that, at least after the weekend.
Oh yes of course you mentioned before. That sounds like a pretty cool job. Where do you actually live at the moment?
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