Please help me guys.

[california1815]

Update:

So in reply to “Hey, sorry I missed your call. Are you alright? Xxx”

I got “Are you?? Xxx”

And then, 40 minutes later: “Hello, I was just ringing to see if everything was ok as you didn’t reply earlier. Are you ok? Xxx”

Now the weird thing is, when my friend spoke to me about her calling him, I asked him not to tell her we’d spoken if they spoke again.

Why would she be playing these games? This is madness. I know what she’s feeling. I’m not replying right now.

[patrick d]

What is she feeling?
You are getting worked up a bit. You feel like you are getting some power. And you are. You are now beginning to control this. She feels like she is losing you suddenly.

[california1815]

I am getting really worked up, I’m trying to hold it together. I almost had a panic attack after I replied to her earlier. She’s feeling the whole head and heart thing, why can’t she be forthcoming about it?

I’m convinced she knows why I called it off, yet she keeps chasing the “Are you ok?” thing.

So I’ve written, but not sent: “Hey listen, I’m really sorry for cancelling, I just couldn’t face today. I need some time. Maybe we can meet up next weekend. I hope you’re ok. Xxx”

I don’t know whether to mention that I spoke to my friend, you know, hint that I know what she said to him.

How are you feeling now? Did you manage to get some rest from your mood?

[patrick d]

Hello there. I went out to watch the rugby earlier and ended up going from bar to bar with a girl from the theater thing I started. Was a good laugh. I’m not interested in anything with her but was nice to have the company. I feel better but of course I miss my ex. Especially when I realise that I haven’t thought of her in about 10 minutes and thinking then that she might forget about me.
But I haven’t forgotten her so she won’t forget me. I just have to wait. She might still have this man but I will wait, bide my time, and be ready for one last big attempt.

I know that panicked feeling. It’s torturous. But it will pass. Read through the topic I started and see the phases I went through.
She knows exactly why you canceled. And she is texting looking for a reply. Looking to be sure that you are still there.
I wouldn’t mention the friend. That might be a good source of info moving forward. And it would confirm to her that you are gossiping. When she contacted your friend it means just one thing Charlie. She wants you. She wants you big time. She expected you to chase. The sudden change has shocked her. Suddenly she feels like she has made a mistake. And she is trying to undo that mistake. She is acting sort of like we did when it ended. Running and texting and ringing.

You could say about needing space. Don’t say why. But just say that if she hounds you with texts tomorrow or the next day.
You have the power now. Use it wisely. Don’t let it go to your head though. Be cunning.

Did you do anything tonight?

[california1815]

That sounds like a really nice evening. Who was playing today? It’s good that you went out and had a laugh with someone. I think I need to learn from you and make sure I go out more. I’m guessing you wouldn’t be up for something with someone new in the meantime?

Are you originally from Ireland?

I’ve had look through your thread before actually, out of interest, and to see if there was anywhere I could throw my two cents in. You’ve been through a lot man, I feel for you. I think this site is good in the sense you get to catalogue your feelings.

Thanks for the advice, I need to take it on board. Now I am where I am, I kind of dislike that I probably didn’t need this power. I could’ve run with what you first said to me and just played it cool when she came down, I just didn’t know it at the time. I feel better for it now though somehow, even though I feel like I’m risking it all at the same time. Paranoid about Valentine’s. Thinking of sending flowers, unsure though.

I exercised more this evening, I’ve grown an obsession with pull ups and push ups in the past weeks. Keeps the mind occupied. Watched Nightcrawler too, it’s excellent if you get the chance to see/download it!

[patrick d]

Exercise is good. I was doing well until my phone told me to clear out space. So I searched for my extremal hard drive. I think it’s still at hers. I came across her birthday card from last year for me. So August gone past. She made a collage of photos from the day we met all the way through until then. And on it written, I’m yours always. I found a letter she wrote when she went to the us in September. On it she thanked me for letting her go. Hoped I would be healthy and again love you always. Fuck life is cruel.

But I brought it on myself I would say. But I needed help. She tried but I wouldn’t listen. I couldn’t see the problem and just kept digging deeper. The poor girl. She loved me and have me all she could and I fucked it up. If she comes back then it will be a fucking miracle. Jesus to return would be a better bet. But then I’m on my side and not his. And I hate losing.
Don’t feel sorry for me. As sinatra sings “The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way”.

I’ve been thinking about your story a lot. I don’t think that the full nc is a good idea. I mean the full 30 days. What do you think? She loves you and you love her. She doesn’t want to lose you. What about giving her a week to think. To miss you. It’s cruel and will hurt. And then think about valentines. Maybe surprise her. Get a friend to get her to them but it will be you. A new you maybe. A stronger you. This is just my opinion. But I’d hate to see you 2 lose each other.

I’m from Ireland alright. Been gone since 2008. Australia and Germany. Berlin. I do miss home at times. But like anything, time is a healer. It’s still there whenever I need it. And sometimes I really do. December was the first time in my life that I really appreciated my family and close friends.

As for the something with someone new. I’m not looking for that or wanting that. But I almost have to. If we get back and I haven’t then I would be afraid that the thoughts of her with the man might destroy everything. But maybe not if I did something to. Daft logic but I might have to

[california1815]

That’s really difficult man, I stumbled across the photo book she made for me too, also for my birthday in August. She said she loved you always, don’t take it lightly.

I mean the good things is that you seem in a confident state of mind, even if you still have a lot to wonder about. Every time I read what you write, there’s a consistency in where you’re headed now.

That’s amazing that you’ve been travelling so much. You’ve gone through the difficult breakup, but it sounds like you’ve done some amazing things too over recent years.

Do whatever you need to. If you got back together you’d have to put all of this behind you anyway.

I don’t know what to do at all now, I’m really scared if I’m honest. I’m half tempted to just jump on a train to London today and just go and see her. Text and say what time I’ll be arriving. Just be brave. To think I could be standing outside her door in just a few hours is torture. I want to be her white knight.

I think I need to reply to her messages today at least, I don’t want to make her resent me. She can be quite fiery. I just love her so fucking much, and I feel like every move I’m making is the wrong one.

[california1815]

I’ve been posting songs we used to listen to on Facebook, to try and get through to her.

[california1815]

There’s part of me that thinks I could get her like right fucking now. But I’m put off by her text that said meeting wasn’t to get back together. But then I heard about her conversation with my friend, so who gives a shit about the text?

[patrick d]

The songs will make her know that you are missing her. I think you are doing well. Would you not give it till next weekend and spend the week planning something big. A big gesture? Hotel and romantic things. Boat trip or something. And Roses and chocolates etc.

Yeah we did some amazing travelling. She even said that she wanted to go back to the usa this year with me. Funny, the fortune teller said I would be in the usa on a holiday this year. Didn’t say with whom.
I miss that a lot. Paving traveling etc. Plus she loved Irland. She misses that. Fuck it. I’ll get her back Charlie.

[california1815]

Good mindset Patrick. You will, I have faith in that. I really do. Or rather, I have faith in you. I’ve only been speaking to you for a couple of days, but I know you’re better than most men. You have a good heart, and a strong head, that’s a rarer thing than most realise. Plus you’re Irish! Immediate brownie points. She knows it too, and you’ll get your chance to show her. The best minds are often the most troubled.

If you could arrange it, the trip to the USA could be as friends, just don’t say that, and then she’ll have an extended period with you to see how different things could be.

You’re right, I should bide my time. I had a plan for this weekend, so maybe I’ll do that next weekend. I live in Wiltshire, near Bath. See the cats. There’s a really nice walk by the river that leads up to this big quirky pub where you can get hot chocolate and food, and I was going to invite her to come with me. I’d love to offer a grand gesture, but I don’t know if it might scare her. I’ll have to think about it more.

She text again this morning:
“Hey. I know things are really really utterly shit at the moment. You’re really worrying me, I can wait if you don’t want to tell me why you didn’t want to see me yesterday, but please just let me know you’re ok. Xxx”

Should I reply? Do you think my text I wrote above would be ok?

[patrick d]

I’ll write to you soon Charlie football training now. Worried. Sounds like my ex. Spooky

[patrick d]

Let me know you’re ok she said. See my ex texts the same sort of stuff. And she is worried. When I read it I think nothing of it. I think just friends. But when I read it from you I think, friends my arse. She wants him. Strange the way or mind has such control on us.

That sounds good next weekend. I’d run with that. Another odd question but is she into photography? I’ve found through the years that the females love photography. Just an idea. Bring a camera or your phone and take photos of soppy stuff. Flowers and fallen leaves etc. But you know her best. They like men in touch with nature.

But be a confident you. Have confidence when ordering hot chocolate etc. Open the door for her and ask that nonsense. Be on the ball. Get a good night’s sleep. And maybe stay away from booze. Let her have a glass of wine.
But then again I’ve messed up my relationship so maybe I’m not the best at giving advice. But I do think if you play hard to get this week. Invite her for next weekend and tat her really well. Then she might start thinking.

If it comes up, say that you have changed but in a very subtle and sly way. Don’t force that point on her. Say you were talking to an older wiser irishman. An old Celt. Haha. Don’t say that.

About the trip to America. She is working on this semester break. I was surprised that she let me know that. Really surprised. So America would be September. If things were ok I would maybe whisk her away for a weekend in early April. A city break. Or a week in Croatia. We could scuba dive there. She would definitely go.

Speaking of which, did you 2 go on many holidays together? That creates such a strong bond. You should plan that. Back packing in Thailand for a few weeks would be great.

[patrick d]

By the way, thanks for the compliments. You’re a good man too. You care enough for someone to come on here. And you are right about the other man with my ex. A complete dick. I must find out who he is and send some lads from home over. (Joking).

But he waited till I was gone. Probably egging her on. Saying I am a loser etc.

[california1815]

Yeah I don’t think she’s given up on you man. It would be foolish to think she’s buried the hatchet already in that regard. You got to consider how things will swing, whether in your favour or not when you meet, but I think you have a good chance. I think the idea of a holiday would be really good for you two, so you can’t just focus on bringing up old bones.

I was thinking of trying to rent a narrow boat for the day when she comes down, we’d spoken about it before and I thought it might be a great way to distract each other and do something together.

Neither of us drink all that much to be honest, only when we have to if that makes sense haha. But yeah I’d be on the ball for sure. I tried to always be good to her when I was being a prick, making her happy really made me happy.

I doubt he was doing those things, maybe, but no point speculating. You joke, but if you send someone I’ll come too. Could do with a holiday/beating someone.

We never got to go on many holidays, being students, then generally poor after. We did go to Amsterdam together, and Cornwall. Both trips were so amazing, even though the weather was horrible in Amsterdam!

Do you think I should text her?

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