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Posts
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Of course I want her back. I just don’t think it’s going to happen.
Got Kevin’s email about consistency on their side. Made some interesting observations.
She apologised for jumping the gun with her text.
I said that I’d been thinking about us a lot, and apologised for hurting her at the end.
Said if she’d like to it’d be good to meet up again this weekend.
You guys are extremely helpful to me. Ive been reading the convos between you guys and it seems that you guys could shine some light on my situation. Reading your discussion helps the depression i am feeling. If you guys have the time to check my case out, it would be awesome. Im really hurting over here. Thanks Pat and Cal =)
Charlie,
It would be great if she would meet up with you this Weekend.
There is something about you and her and I can’t quite put my finger on it. I know you are thinking that it is over, but i’m not sure about that at all. Maybe she is waiting for you to take more initiative or something. Stop asking and start telling her.
I will have to think more about that. But make sure never to send anything that sounds in any way needy again. It simple will not work.Thanks Patrick. I know the needyness needs to stop. When we met I think it was too emotional, maybe confused for needyness. It couldn’t be helped though, those things needed to be said.
Today after just apologising for it all, I feel less needy. I wish that in these moments of peace I could talk to her and she’d hear me.
Though something is troubling me. She’s so distant all of a sudden. Then again she’s been distant the whole time. But all Facebook likes have stopped, they stopped before we met. Not a big deal, but it shows the state of affairs.
In fact I don’t feel needy at all honestly. I know that we broke up. That happened a long time ago.
It doesn’t sit right though. And that’s not just a feeling. Outside of all the usual emotions you’re expected to feel. Something is there, and it’s not blind hope. I can’t put it to paper.
Eurgh. No response to my text. Not that I was expecting one. All this no contact business is really messing with my head. Makes me think her I don’t know was just somehow to try and not hurt my feelings.
I’ve been thinking about just texting to say I’ll be at hers at so and so time on Saturday. See you then.
I just don’t really know what to do.
I know what you mean about that Feeling that you have. Stick with that gut Feeling.
Strange that she won’t give you much back in any way. I would love to know too what she is doing. Next time you meet don’t mention the break up at all or how you have changed or anything like that.
As for me, I am ok. Texting her every day several times a day. Sunday she was texting about missing the old times with me and the Feeling of safety that she had with me. I said i missed the old times too. She wanted to meet but had already planned other things. She was having Problems she said. I offered help but it was to do with this other guy.
Monday she told me that it was over with him. He dumped her she says but I do wonder about that. She told me that in a text followed by a Smiley face.
She wanted to meet tuesday but i had Drama. After the Drama I finished everything with Drama Girl. I was Feeling nothing and she was really into me. Only fair to stop it. Dramagirl wasn’t too impressed and refused to accept it. Give it time etc. I didn’t mention the ex to her. But we had only kissed a few times.
Met the ex yesterday. We were in her/our flat for a few hours chatting. She feels comfortable chatting to me she says. Doesn’t feel under pressure to talk like she would with other People. We went to the Cinema and watched a german film. Ate ice cream from the same tub and crisps out of each others Hands.Afterwards she was a bit off. Left very quickly. As if something happened.
But she did say that she was tired. We left it that i might cook for her this evening and then i could pick her up from work on friday and we eat something.
She says now that she is sick. Picked up a Virus in the Hospital. Might explain the running home yesterday.I am keeping cool and assuming nothing but showing a bit more each time. I told her that the Thing with Drama Girl is over. But we were in the Cinema at that Point so couldn’t gauge her reaction. Before that I invited her to be my guest at a function in the Embassy on paddys day. She got excited at first and then wondered why bring her. I should have told her then.
Ah well. She is fairly quiet today. I will let you know what is going on. I have kept everything to myself for the last few weeks. I find that interference builds too much pressure on oneself.
better this way
Holy hell Patrick. That’s a turn of events. I won’t even pass comment if you don’t desire. But that’s certainly a turn around. Or something new at least.
What do you think I should do in my situation?
Big enough turn of Events but it seems like the hard work is only starting. How do I convince her to start again?
I think she has convinced herself already that life was somewhat better with me. Even though i was an idiot, she mentioned the safety she felt then!
You can pass comment if you like. You already have. Ha. But i made a decision to relax and let whatever happens happen. The People I had confided in have no idea about any of this. They think that I haven’t spoken to her in weeks. How can we decide ourselves when we have Input from all sides coming in. We won’t sort anything out like that.
Well, that’s my latest theory. We have done far too much analysing and overthinking and not enough time actually stepping back and taking a look at it all
Well, I think that’s a good mindset. I would appreciate your thoughts on where I’m at. To be honest I’m settling that there isn’t much I can do about it all. She knows how I feel about her, what else can I do. She’ll probably bail on me. I get nervous when I talk to her even by text, and she said she was really nervous before she came down last time, so I imagine she’ll bail.
Wish I’d been stronger the last time she saw me, just so we didn’t have to face all those emotions. I don’t much like it, and it doesn’t give us too much to look forward to. The nice moments were really, really nice though. If she will just put her guard down, even for a day.
Your case is hard Charlie. She seems very aloof at times. Her refusal to reply could be several things, as you have already alluded to.
-either she doesn’t want anything anymore and was letting you down gently. I don’t buy this theory at all. If you acted like a complete asshole then i would but you both still like each other.
-she doesn’t think that you have sorted out whatever it is that you needed to sort out. Neediness, clingy etc. Highly possible
-she wants you back but is scared and confused and is still trying to work things out in her head. It’s hard to Change your mind once a big decision was made.In my opinion, (and I don’t know her at all) I think that she never really wanted it to end. But it was all getting too much for her so she saw no other choice. She probably remembers all the good times and wonders what could have been. All that is Holding her back are thoughts of a repeat of the Problems. And that’S the Problem. How does she know that you have changed without seeing you? How can you prove to her?
You aren’t going to Show Change by posting old Songs somewhere or sounding in any way clingy. If she thought that you are living your life for her then it would Freak her out.
I had the same Problem. I wanted to Show that I have changed and my life is different but I was also not talking to her or even replying to her texts, let alone Meeting her.
So, I used Facebook. My ex is smart and would read through a fake made up post like “my life is so great”. I would never do that and she would know that I posted that for her benefit. So, I started doing things in reality, and posting subtle hints on Facebook. I mentioned the Drama. She saw that. I made fun of a mate which led to several new friends posting underneath it. She saw that. Little things like that seemed to work in my favour. When we were texting I dropped things into the Chat like “ok. I’m going to the gym”. I had never been in a gym before. So, that was another new Thing.
All this worked. She was watching. And during this time I made it a Point to stop looking at her page and I even deleted her number from my phone so i couldnt check when she was online etc.
It was when she felt that I was gone (or going at least) that she started to put the pressure on me. But I was not sure. So I let her know about the new woman. 1 week after telling her that, we had met, had a good evening together, and her and him had split up.
I had gotten to the place were I knew that life would go on with or without her. She would be a Bonus. But I knew that I wouldn’t have a bad life without her. And that I think was the key.
I don’t know if any of this helps you. But you might find something to help you.
P.s. she is in bed sick now. so I am going over to cook her something!
Thanks for the comment Patrick, that really helps me. She seemed to have a negative view of our relationship still when we met, apologised for an argument we had years ago that I can’t even remember.
I went through our texts for the last few months before the end, found there were a few fights inbetween all the nice moments. Things I shouldn’t have said, a side to me that isn’t there any more.
She already knows about the letting me go thing though. She said that when we met. Said that it’s so hard to see me living my life and knowing that I’ll be moving on, but she must let me go. I got to tell her those things when we met, and I really am doing them for me. I’ll just continue, whatever comes next will come I suppose.
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