Please help me guys.

[patrick d]

Whatever you think is right. But don’t dig yourself deeper. And drop the jealousy.

You should try to meet. Stick with the Story that Jessica cancelled.

Are you going to send the letter?

[california1815]

Do you think I should send the letter?

[patrick d]

You were well up for this a few days ago.

I think you should. What do you think could happen from it?

She will ignore it and things continue as they are. Or she will like it and things Change!

[california1815]

Yeah I’ll send it today then. I was gonna text and say something like I asked what day as I thought I could take holiday and come and join the fun, could be easy!

[patrick d]

don’t be pushy though. You are dying to go

[california1815]

You think it’s a good idea?

[patrick d]

You want to send the letter don’t you?. Send it then. See what happens.

[california1815]

I’m sending the letter, it’s just where I’m sending it that’s the problem. I don’t know when she’s going to Portsmouth.

[patrick d]

Could you take photos or scan it and email? not the same i know but Close. Or post it to portsmouth

[california1815]

I think I may even post it both places. Feeling crappy today, feel like she brushed me off pretty good. So many thoughts I can’t answer. If she’s going to Portsmouth for the week, why can’t she do Saturday? Feels kinda cold.

[patrick d]

Don’t overthink everything. It will destroy you. And she will pick up on that. Let her do what she wants. And you stay cool

[california1815]

How did you learn not to over-think things? It comes in waves, but I’m really stressing about this friend living in our flat. Either it’ll remind her of all our memories there, or it’s the perfect rebound situation surely. And with the coldness, and the brush off about Saturday I’m leaning towards the latter. We’re all good friends so I’d hope that wouldn’t happen, but this is the friend that had a go at me about her randomly.

I text today saying ‘I was asking yesterday, as I thought I could take some holiday and join in, depending on the day. Might be nice to hangout as a group again! Just a thought though. Sunday is fine too. Whatever’s easiest obviously, I hope you’re ok Xxx’

No reply. She’s not on her usual haunts online either, pretty sure she’s down there already.

[california1815]

They still smoke weed too, I used to but gave it up as it was no good for me. I don’t know how keen she ever was on me giving up, just because she still liked it. Just another reason I’d get replaced in my head.

[patrick d]

To overcome over thinking I started doing new things. And just started thinking differently.

I know that sounds daft, but I learned that no matter how much I think and wish and chase and beg and plan and so on, life must go on. My life had to start moving. I had been living in fear and jealousy with her and in total despair and misery without her.

So I said one day that’s enough of that. Start living or die like this. And that’s what I did. I started getting out and about. As hard as it seemed before it got easier. And I started thinking differently. That was the major breakthrough. I realised that wallowing in misery wasn’t going to solve anything. It definitely wasn’t going to get her back. Or get anyone for that matter.

So I used the thought of getting her back as the fuel to drive me to succeed. That only a new me without my baggage would get her back. But I didn’t focus on that one point. I focused on me. I didn’t want to be that me anymore. I didn’t want to be miserable anymore. So I wasn’t. I told myself every day several times all the good things I have. A job, friends, the ability to meet new people, family that would always be there when I need them. Home will be there were I to fail in life. And most importantly, I told myself that I can do what I like if I just try and put my mind to it. And the ex or nobody else would stop me now.

I felt myself getting stronger quite rapidly. My confidence grew. And then as days turned to weeks I realised that I would have a good life whatever happens.

It was only when I felt that strong that I started to reply to her. To test the water. To see what she wanted. I still don’t know what she wants, but my confidence is such that I know that I’ll get her back. That would complete a big turn around. She was quiet today. In fact I text to wish her good luck for her last exam. She thanked me and told me the time it’s on.

So in summary, it was a change in my thought processing that changed me. And remember, my ex had told me that she was seeing someone. Big Deal. Let her do what she needs to do or wants to do. I’ll live my life now and if she wants to join me then good. And if she doesn’t then I know I’ll have a good journey anyway.

[california1815]

Hey Patrick.

Thanks for the advice, it helped a lot. What if she’s doing the same thing though?

She text me back today:

Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t reply. I don’t think it would be fair on the others seeing as we haven’t even just seen each other. But yeah, I hope we can all hangout sometime. Hope you’re ok too. Xxx

What do you think? I don’t know what it means to be honest. I have written, but not sent:

Hey. Yeah you’re right. It’d be nice to see you, we can have that easy day we talked about. Are you having a nice time in Portsmouth? Xxx

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