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True.I also think my ex wants to find herself in this moment. And my first NC didnt work because I was here and she know it. Next week is her b-day and Im not going to congratulations her birthday, I just want to disappear. I want to fell what she did lost and how much I was good for her.
Just be natural with him next week and who know what can happend 😀
Im so afraid im going to be friendzoned because we never talk about anything but how sick he is right now or the news.
Things took a not so good turn lat night. We were having a nice conversation and then I said
Me: “enjoy talking to you”
Him:”Im enjoying it too. Just casual and taking things slow. A few things have progressed but we havent gotten too far.”
Me: “Yeah, I agree. The slow things is difficult for me sometimes. Haha. But a slong as its moving its a good thing”
Him: “I guarantee anything, but its moving in the right direction.”This is where things turned weird.
Him: “Sorry, I didnt mean that in the wrong was. I think its progressing but just being slow and figuring out what exactly i want is what I am keeping in mind”
Me: “Thats good to know. Thank you. And I’ll keep that in mind I know you wouldnt be talking to me unless ou thought things were going well. Sometimes I do get scared though, but thats just natural.”
Him: “Scared about what?”
Me: “That Ill get hurt again lol. But I trust you and to hear you say things are progressing is a good thing to me.”Him: “Thats why I am being careful about taking it slow. Because I dont think we have done anything to hurt you no matter what the outcome is. That is also why I said what I said. Ye things are progressing but we need to take it slow. I need to start feeling better, get through exams, move, start work, and whie doing that figure out what want in the end. So I am making sure I dnt hurt anybody in the process of doing all this.”
Me: “Ok. I know we need to take things slow obviously. But I do want you to know that it will hurt me if the outome isnt the best. Because I wear my heart of my sleeve and thats just who I am. I am putting myself out there and being here for you when you need support. I want to be here to support ou ad help you through everything thats going on becsue I know it shows that I truly do care and want whats best for you and us. Im sorry this conversation got too deep. I didnt mean for it too.”
Him:”Its ok. I just dont ant to get too deep. I dont want to hurt you again. I really dont. But I also have told you and you know that I dont know for sure what I want right now. Im trying to figure that out.”
I in no way tried to have a deep conversation like this. But I am hurt from it. I dont wanna wait around and support him through this really tough time in his personal life just to be left for when he finally gets through it all. You know? I feel like I am being his emotional clutch and Im so so scared that hes going to up and leave again when things get better for him. I feel used.
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