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Ok so if you’ve read any of my post you’ll know that i had completed NC and we are now texting. Im just having doubts as im reading to much into the timing of his texts like how long it takes him to reply and when he does, and what hes telling me.
So we have been texting everyday since the first replied to my text after 5 days from my first message, but the thing is its not like texting throughout the day its more just afternoon and then late at night then no reply to next day either morning or late afternoon now im taking this sign as hes busy and doesnt have time to text me but if he really wanted to keep texting me he would find the time to right? there may have been one night were we was texting quite quickly as in seconds as the convo was flowing but then stopped as i fell asleep ( i get up really early for work) so then i didnt reply back to him to next morning but then he didnt reply till late evening. is it really silly of me to be over thinking on this?
Im wondering if its really a case he doesnt wanna speak to me as much, or he doesnt wanna show that he really does but feels he shouldnt.Our conversations are more about what we do each day and catching up on what we have been up to, its funny but we both have taken up more into working out alot more since breaking up as i took my mind of the break up abit after a good workout but hes doing the same and for reasons i dont know, first thing i thought was to get fit for another girl and hoping it wasnt so, as hes pretty fit already as he plays so many sports so im not sure really. He also told me he found it hard to eat and cook alone as we always cooked together it was something we both love doing so he would always make sure he was out with friends to eat out and i was the same but then at first i wasnt really eating but i still havent really cooked sounds silly but its hard to make a meal for one knowning we always did it together, but now hes says hes starting to cook abit, so makes me think hes getting over the cooking together and may kinda like doing it alone but i cant be sure. he also told me hes only really got used to being alone, i didnt know how to take that meaning he likes it now or just obviously has to get used to it as he choose to be, after that comment a replied saying i guess your enjoying alone time then? he said no he doesnt always enjoy it but sometimes its nice to rest. sooo does he miss me being with him or doesnt? its confusing.
when talking about working out i mentioned buying new gym clothes and i said it was different to what i brought before he was interested on what it looked like so i said i could send a picture but probably shouldnt, he replied back saying well its up to you? so i didnt know if that was a yes please send or whatever i dont care?? then he said maybe its best you dont show me and he didnt want us sending pics back and forth all the time, i said i understood but thought maybe it was he didnt wanna see my photo, but he actually said its not that, and it would be nice to see me in my gym clothes. so do i take that as a good thing but then again its only a photo. i know it seems small and silly but all im doing is reading the signs hes giving me from texting i just want to have a proper conversation with him but finding it so hard to do so.It may still be really early to even mention meeting up, but im actually near his work on friday which i wouldnt really be near, so i dont know whether to mention it and say something like a quick drink at lunch time? or shall i just leave it?
Could really appreciate some help and thoughts on my texting situation, thanks!
Your over thinking things too much hun. You gotta understand( im just assuming you did no contact) you can’t jump right back into ur old relationship, that’s now it works. You have to forget about the old relationship, even if there’s great memories, you have to tell yourself it was broke or else it wouldn’t of ended. Now is time to create a new, stronger relationship. It’s going to take time! Remember once you sound needy it’s going to become unattractive, you guys have to both show eachother you truly took time to work on yourselves. I’d much rather date a female that knows she can be happy without me and be independent then date a woman who thinks her only happiness is with me you know? Trust me i took this for granted with my ex because we spent way too much time together and none apart. We never had a chance to actually miss eachother. Take things slow and always be positive when you text! Don’t make it awkward! That’s how you mess up. Keep the conversations cheerful and happy, that’s how you build an emotional bond with someone. You can’t just think “yay we’re texting! Soon we’ll be back to the old us” if you go back to the old relationship it will surely end again. Reconciliation takes time, sometimes even months but you have to tell yourself at least we’re texting and working on it.
Trust me! Just stay positive and do not over think things, if he’s taking a whole to text back who cares, don’t just stare at your phone all day! Go out and do stuff. As for him working out? Working out is a great stress relief for anybody. Don’t assume he’s doing it to impress others, he’s doing it to impress himself and who knows maybe even impress you!Leave him alone…trust me…he will come back hard when he is ready, try to stop trying to fix things.
Yeah i did the NC for more than a month, im always an over thinking about anything. I understand that i cant get my old relationship back i wouldnt want that as obviously something wasnt right. I know from what ive written it sounds like im needy but im not waiting around for him to text me im just monitoring it to understand if i still have a chance or im wasting my time trying to get him back. the conversations have been cheerful and happy nothing to heavy nothing about our relationship i know its to early for that.Your right i should be happy were texting its way better than him not texting me. Dont get me wrong i have been living my life and going out doing things hes doing so and so why shouldn’t i. I know working out is good for that as thats why im doing it so much more than before. I wish was to impress me but i really doubt that as hes was working out before even thinking about talk to me again but thank you for sharing your thoughts it has been helpful.
Hi, @claire just abit confused on what your saying, what do you mean by leave him alone? like stop texting him? and what am i trying to fix?
Hi Heartbroken:
I mean create space between the 2 of you…don’t text him, call him, contact his family or friends to find out what he’s up to, no drive bys, nothing. Let him miss you, want you.
@Claire Oh I see, but I did this straight after our break up as I did the NC. So why would I need to do this again? It’s not like I’m texting him all the time it’s once a day and I only reply back when I can just like he’s doing. Also he asking me questions to find out stuff be strange to just stop replying back for no reason? Or am I still not understanding what your trying to say?
@claire, how would i know he wants to make things right, if were not in contact with each other? Hes not just gonna come out and say it over text (i know what hes like, when talking about things not really one over texts. or are you saying stop talking and wait for him to show me that wants to reconnect and make things right?
so again, just my opinion…and I don’t think I’ll be responding anymore…if you want your man back, I would let him do the contacting, men like to chase…
Well thank you for your opinion i do really appreciate any help and advice, i was only asking questions about it to understand.
I sorta of disagree, the relationship I had before this ex I’m currently working things out with, I broke up with my girlfriend and we dated for a year. She became way to needy of me and wanted me around everyday and I couldn’t take it and walked out. She accepted the breakup and told me she’d text me in a few weeks, she was telling me she’d do no contact. She went no contact for almost a month and you know what? That whole month I wanted to text her but I couldn’t because I just felt like it’d be awkward for me. Everybody assumes that the dumper has to make contact first. That’s not true at all, I don’t think so in your situation, guys have pride and most of the time a huge ego, so when your assuming they are going to contact you first most of the time it doesn’t happen because our ego tells us not to contact you because we’re men. I’d say do give him space, but you can easily give someone space while contacting. For instance if your texting and the conversation seems good and cheerful, keep texting but not a whole bunch, once the conversation hits it’s peak, make up an excuse to end it, say ur busy or have to go. If you text one day and they gave you a small response then just don’t text that day and leave it alone for a few days. My girl left me 5 weeks ago, I did NC for 4 weeks and decided to text her on the fourth week and we hit it off well and once our convo peaked I told her I had to go(left her wanting more) and she texted me that same night saying “I’m so happy you texted me,hope to hear from you soon, goodnight” and I gave it a few days and texted her again and I could tell she was excited to hear from me and she called me that night and the next day we met up. I’m not saying ur situation is the same as mines, everybody is different, but I disagree that the dumper HAS to make contact with you. All that is, is your ego and pride saying “I’m not texting them first, they should text me, they left me” if somebody left you, obviously there was a reason they did it and only you know and can fix the reason and begin to show them.
So yes I’d say hive him space, maybe a week but if you feel like your emotions are in check and ur not scared of rejection then I say you can text first.That’s such great news that things are going well so far for you and she seems to want to speak to you more by telling you she was happy you text her.
See when we first broke up, he text me the day after which didn’t think he would saying he was thinking about me alot I did reply in time but then he said maybe beat we stopped for awhile so that’s when I started to do the NC which is did and when I was ready I thought I will text him as something reminded me of him (even thought everything does) so I textd him and took a few days to reply I really didn’t think he was going to but he did and it was really nice to hear from him not that I said it but he didn’t say anything like that either.
So I am giving him space it’s a text a day and I’m not rushing to reply back and he’s not either even though I want to I don’t wanna seem to keen but does depend on what where talking about. It’s also different for me as when we are texting we don’t really say Oh I’m busy can’t text or anything the convo just keeps going throughout the text each day, if I ended the text now I don’t know if he would text back, but I guess if I did and then he did reply back it would mean he’s actually interested to keep texting. It’s nice to hear a point of view from a dumper though, because what goes through your mind is totally different to ours.
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