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Get yourself out there! You have loads to offer to the social scene 🙂 It’s ok to feel the way you do 10years is a massive amount of time, let yourself feel mopey for a day a week?
It sounds like you have reflected on your journal have analyzed and have come to some understanding from it all. Misjudgement in a long term relationship is understandable, you get to a point where you think your partner should just know how to take you and even know what your thinking (I know this was a area I wanted to work on for the future!)
Your ex asking if your getting married or are pregnant just proves they have no idea what your thinking. I also think him even coming to a conclusion such as this shows he has been over thinking about you! Ten years won’t be easy for him to get over, he’ll be missing you badly soon enough.
Are you doing NC? Whats your plan?
Thank you for the response:):)
I think I’m gonna have to go with feeling mopey for one hour a day! I couldn’t go to one day per week just yet, but hopefully soon!
Haha, yes, I surely enough was expecting him to know what I was thinking and feeling – and he did too. I made a few of those mistakes where I would say “Oh no, don’t worry I’ll do that on my own” when really I was testing him to see if he would help me. When he ‘failed’ I got upset, even though I hadn’t asked for help! I wanted him to automatically know what I wanted without having to ask for it. I’ve leaned not to do that again, but to be upfront about when I want and don’t want something.
I was thinking the same, the fact that he thought whether or not I had gotten married or pregnant must mean he’s been thinking about me..
I sure hope he will miss me!Right now my plan is to do NC for 30 days. This is day one. I have to make some major improvements in my life in this time *takes deep breath*!
Read my newest topic, if you’re interested in what happened when I broke NC yesterday:)@Anna any updates on your situation?
Hey,
I’ve just had a read, your friends boyfriend! What a tool! Me being me I would have to tell her. She needs to know if he is going around acting this way, what if he does it to someone who is interested?!
Also it sounds like your talk with him went well. You sound relaxed and calm, not needy or desperate. I would personally really stick to NC now for the 30 days, cut all ties for a while. It’s been a while since you guys split and you should defiantly start to feel better after 20 days. It was really hard for me, I kept torturing myself looking at his social media and obsessed over what he was doing and who with. I only started to feel like myself again three weeks ago and then it was forced.
Stick with it, he loves you and he will be like ‘where’d she go!, who is she with and I made a mistake.’ Let him feel the way you do for a bit, he’s totally gonna crumble! 😉 x
Have you signed up to the emails? I recommend you do there really good.
Oh and update! 🙂
Our meet up went really well in but I’m terrified now, let me explain.
We chatted and made nice, then it happened he told me he wants me back. He said he missed me and recently had been thinking about all the things he wished he could share with me and that I’m even being dream’t about every night!
We discussed what we needed from each other to be able to get back together. He wanted me to be honest about how I felt and more confident. I want him to be financially stable and not get angry all the time.
I told him I just wanted to see if we would work as friends for a while, because I have heard promises such as those made yesterday many times previously and I need to know it’s happening this time. I’m apprehensive and scared to get back with him even being friends is going to be risky for me. I never want to feel the way I have for the last few months and honestly don’t think I could get through it again!
He told me he loved me and asked if I still loved him, I said I did. He asked if I wished that I didn’t love him anymore and I told him yes. I went on… I love you, but loving someone isn’t an excuse to make stupid decisions. I have to start thinking about my future, the next time I get with someone I want to know that person is ‘the one’ and that will be it for me and them. He seemed to understand but told me he wouldn’t wait around and be on hold forever, I told him I’m not asking you to.
He asked me about the guy that has been trying to date me, he even knew his name! Awkward!… I may have messed this up. I said we are just friends (we are, I’ve told the other guy the same) We don’t really hang out alone. He asked if we had kissed, we haven’t, I wouldn’t do that. It’s not fair on my ex and not fair on the new guy. I’m doing nothing with anyone until I’m sure!
Anyway we are meeting up next week to do something as friends, which will be nice. My family are really hoping I don’t get back with him, it makes me not want to tell them things now.
Anyone have any thoughts? Have I turned into a scared spinster!? Or is being cautious exceptable in this situation?
Yes, my friend’s bf is a tool for what he did! Still not sure what to do about this all but I’m taking everyone’s opinions into account! Thank you for yours! I’m worried she will never trust her bf around me again so our friendship will be lost. Perhaps that’s selfish of me though.
Yeah, I’m doing the 30 days, and perhaps longer. I’ve gotten better at not stalking him. Not doing that definitely helps! But requires some real discipline at times..
Thank you for your encouragement! I do hope he comes back around. I know the stupidest thing I could do would be to break NC after this, so I just have to sit back and wait for him to make the next move.
Yes I’ve signed up to the emails! I love reading them, and look forward to them. It’s such a great thing!
Regarding your update:
I’m SOOO thrilled for you that the NC worked and that you’ve got him chasing you again!
I’m also happy that you’re not jumping right back in again, you’re showing him your value by not being over eager to get back with someone who hurt you so much.
I do believe he would wait around and be on hold forever if you continue what you have been doing to allure him. Him saying that is just an empty threat – I believe. Don’t negotiate with it, and make sure you get what you want out of this. Put yourself on the pedestal, but also make sure you’re rewarding him for his efforts. What we think we may loose we value much higher than what we have. And when we think we’re about to loose something we act in a way that isn’t alluring. What allures them is us being sure we will be ABSOLUTELY FINE with or without them this intrigues them and they want to challenge it. They may challenge it by going in the opposite direction and saying “okay then fine” but that won’t last long. They’re just seeing if you will chase them back. That’s what I have come to believe anyway!I don’t think you messed anything up by talking about your friend. There’s nothing wrong with that and nothing happened between the two of you. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with installing a bit of fear in him after he abandoned you!
I’ll be excited to hear how your next meet up goes! As for family, they want you to be happy. If you sit them down sometime and explain that he truly makes you happy, I don’t think they would go against it?
You’re not a scared spinster lol! It’s understandable that you feel scared now that you have finally attracted him back. You got part 1 of what you wanted and you are terrified of going back to where you were or not getting a good part 2. You’re afraid of making one wrong move.
I don’t think you should be. I think you should be confident in your ability to attract him and others, and feel that knowing feeling inside you that says the universe will provide you with everything you desire! Have trust, be confident in yourself, and do not let yourself be driven by fear.
x
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