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My ex-girlfriend and I had been together for three years. We met in college. She was a student from Germany and spent a year in the US together.
It then became a long-distance relationship for a bit. To give context, we had an unplanned pregnancy, and the child was adopted, but it was something that made us close.
Although we were different in some ways, we rarely fought, and there was never any abuse of any kind.
This year in August, I moved in which her. Things were great until my untreated anxiety and depression, of about ten years, started to bother me a lot, and she felt the effect. She felt I was too dependent on her for happiness, which I will admit was true. She was all I had.
I decided I wanted to go home to get some counseling finally, but she decided for now that we should break up. And that we would visit each other the following spring.
We did not talk for a month when I finally messaged her. She said she loved me, it happened too fast and I suggested we did not talk for a while again, and she told me she wanted to talk soon. I took this info as too positive and put pressure on her to give me another chance (too early, I agree.) She laid down the law and said I need time to get right, and she needs time alone too.
Since then, if it ever went too long without hearing from me, she will text me. In December, she started sending me a lot of blushing smileys and texted a lot. This lasted for about two months. I was happily building something up slowly. But one day she wanted to facetime and have a nice conversation, and I blew it.
I told her I loved her still, and she got all nervous. She told me she still has feelings for me, misses me, wants me to visit, and wants to talk to me all the time, but says right now she does not want to be with me but wants me to visit in the summer. She told me it was never about meeting other people and said she would not be happy if I were with other girls. Keep in mind she is forthright and honest, typical German, haha.
I went no contact for all of Feb. Found out she texted a friend of mine after he posted pics of us going out in Tampa. She soon after reached out to me.
To the present she has texted me a few times on her own over the past few weeks. On my birthday she texted me two messages including one with a heart emoji. I got stronger and we have since facetimed, i kept it cool and confident. She sends me blush emoji whenever we stop texting.
It is all so confusing. She texts my mom, that she misses her sends her hearts. Her mom texts me, says they still have my toothbrush in the guest room in case I come back. And She has yet to remove any of my stuff, including pictures of us from her apartment. It has been four months since we broke up.
What should I do? Where do we stand? Are there chances we can make it work again?
@sirdesancti1 It sounds like you’re getting along well via texts etc.. Just be patient and keep on being sweet/kind/respectful etc.. She knows how you feel about her, so don’t keep saying it over and over. Be light hearted and respond appropriately.
I hope you’re in therapy for your depression! I think the chances are good if you can overcome the depression and take responsibility for your own happiness..
Good luck:)
Playing it cool is your best move, keep letting her come to you. Has she asked to meet up again? I know it’s hard but never bring up that you want to get back with her as you already know it puts pressure on her.
Are you in the same country?
I’d say if you can play it cool with her for two months max of seeing each other and having nice chats etc she should want to be with you, but make her see you’ve worked on the depression, I know you want to pour your heart out to her when you’re down but I don’t think she’s the one to help with that at the moment.
Your game plan is to stay sharp, look independant from her like you were in Tampa, I know it’s a hard persona to keep up but it’s the only way. You essentially need to become the stronger one than her and let her build that image of you but do NOT look weak. Good luck bro
Yea I have been in therapy since November and trying to get right. We texted last night and she was texting really interested and funny. She sent me goodnight with a blushing emoji. I am currently not in the same country. But I am still accepted at the university where she lives.
Moving forward when can you both get to the same country or can’t you? I get that might be an issue, you wouldn’t want to move to her incase it goes sour, you’d have to have her move to you
As long as you’re sure you’re going back for that reason then I say go for it. Just play cool, obviously show some emotion.
@sirdesancti1 I’m assuming you’re in the United States, she’s in Germany and the university is also in Germany; is that right? Are you considering visiting her this summer?
Do you think therapy is helping to resolve your depression?
She seems very interested in you and has initiated some contact to show it, but have you been initiating any contact?
She’s in Germany quarantined with her family, which has sorta delayed a visit. I texted her on Easter and we texted back and forth nicely. She ended with a goodnight text and a blushing emoji, for what thats worth.
@sirdesancti1 Okay good. Sounds like you’re both getting along well. Just don’t over-do the texting!
It might be too early to think about visiting plans as the COVID-19 is global at this time.
Good luck:)Yea shes just quartined at home. But we face timed and it went good. I stayed calm. She is honest which is good. She afriad to lose me which is clear, but shes a bit afraid to get back with me it seems.
@sirdesancti1 Stay calm and be patient. I think she will be appreciative and get back with you eventually:)
Take care and stay safe!
@sirdesancti1 If you don’t hear from her within the next week, contact her again, but make it friendly and casual. If she says something more emotional, respond appropriately. Like if she says “I miss you”, say “I miss you too” etc..
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