Not sure if I am in a relationship

[rowena1]

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I went into relationship breakdown due to his distance and my “crazy” response- his words. I made some demands and then when he ignored me one night, I lost my temper and texted him 3 times in a row and tried to call him 3 times in a row; his only response was that repeated texts were not appreciated. We have not communicated via text/phone since Feb 11- he ignored me on Valentine’s day.

We work together and although he looks angry a lot, he says that he is normal and that he will need months to process my “crazy”. He says that he is not replying to texts because that is the problem behavior that got all this started. He said that nothing has changed and I asked him if we are broken up; he can’t even think if he wants to stay together or break-up. He alternates avoiding me with approaching me at work. We have communicated via email and met for dinner once and sat for coffee a few times at work.

I think that even though we are not formally broken up, we are at Death’s Door. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’ve tried no contact and kept work communication strictly professional.

Thanks for reading.

[gabrielleta]

i have a similar situation. i think he still wants you but also wants space. He keeps you because he still likes/loves you but he is also mad at you and hurt. i dont think you are at deaths door.

[rowena1]

Thanks for writing me back. I have no choice but to wait and see what happens. I will try to stay positive 😀

[gabrielleta]

what I am doing now is giving him the space that he wants and not pressure him to go to the next level or back to normal because whenever I do that, he withdraws and we end up arguing. sometimes its confusing too, but i hope its worth it 🙂 goodluck on us!

[ChristophD]

What it took me to realize was her going cold on me and a bit of time. The best advice I can give you is to break up with him, tell him it is because you can no longer be in limbo on the relationship and need to heal. Ask him to not contact you except at work(you both work together?) and it must only be about work. Follow through with this for at least three-for weeks. This will give him the time to realize weather or not this relationship is what he wants. In that time reflect on what went wrong, what he said and what you think. If you think you still want to be together and are willing to work on changing those things then change them. Then once your sure initiate communications with him. Ask him if he would like to grab a coffee after work. Don’t show him how much you want him back but also show just a little interest. If he shows interest back then go out for lunch or a movie with him. Take it one step at a time just as you would starting a new relationship because the original one is gone. You want a new and stronger one, not one with the same problems ready to jump out of the closet.

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