-
Posts
-
Hi,
I have been dating a guy (both 40 yo) for 8-9 months and it was going where I thought it was serious. We introduced our kids, which went great and planned to do more with the kids. We did not take this likely and we took a long time to make this decision. Last I saw him, we had a great time and had plans for him to meet my mom when she was in town (I have met his family) and to do something with our girls (zoo, museum). He then bailed on both plans and then the texting got less.
I finally messaged, “Hey, things are feeling off. I would rather address things up front. Are you in need of space?”
He said, “I don’t know. I am in a weird headspace and worried about work (just got a promotion) and my daughter (problems at school).”
I texted, “Those are important things! You should focus on those. You know where I am.”
I left it alone for two weeks with nothing and then I texted, “You have kind of been silent lately. I am wondering what’s up.”
His reply was describing his situation which sounds like he is in a deep depression. He described himself as dark and didn’t like people to see him like this. I asked if he was safe and his daughter was safe. He said yes, starting telling me how he isn’t important. I said “If you need someone, I am here. But you are important. Your child needs you.” And left it at that.
Then a week and a half later, a friend of mine found him on Tinder. This made me very confused. I photoshopped the profile from my friend and texted it with, “I trusted you. All I want is honesty.”
His reply was, “Sorry, I am a shitty person.”
I said, “I really wish you and your daughter the best.”
Then nothing except a random post on Facebook with him positing “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ll just fade away” right after he said “Sorry”. I don’t know what to say or do. This is completely out of character from the man I have come to know. Especially after we got the children involved and started to make them part of each other’s lives. I have remained silent for a week now. He hasn’t unfriended me on social media and I do believe he was in a deep depression. But the tinder thing completely threw me off, because he had pretty much given up on dating when we met (we both found each other to be a great surprise). I recognized it was his old Tinder account, but with recent photos. (BTW, we did not meet on Tinder. We met in a mutual group of friends. I only knew his tinder profile because we were sharing what our old profiles looked like when we did try to use them).
We are both independent. I know I will be fine on my own and I was very happy when I met him. I don’t NEED him. He just enhanced my life. But I have a heartbroken kid too.
Do I stay silent? Do I reach out? I am not sure we are even broken up. I am honestly worried about him and his kid.
Advice appreciated.
@JessiJD – Your last reply; “I really wish you and your daughter the best.” sounded kinda like a farewell. Why are you texting? Why not call him and talk over the phone? Texting is impersonal and the content can sometimes be misconstrued. I think you should CALL him and ask how he’s doing.
How long ago did he bail on plans to meet your mother and the tentative plans for an outing with the kids? Does you mom live far away?
A guy can get very stressed and introspective when facing challenges at work.. A promotion usually entails much more responsibility and then add the fact his daughter is having issues at school. Men are ‘fixers’ and if they can’t quickly solve a problem, they feel weak and inadequate. Maybe he feels like a failure unable to help his daughter with her troubles. How long has he been divorced and does his daughter live with her mother?
I know you want to be supportive and I think you did the right thing by letting him know you’re there for him. Giving unsolicited advice is not the way to go. But listening is..
I don’t know what to think of his activity on Tinder as I’m not sure if it’s a place like Facebook where you can connect with family and friends. But maybe he’s trying to get some sort of attention and approval from strangers who might make him feel less of a failure.
Okay, so I think you should call him and talk over the phone or ask him if he wants to meet up with you sometime..
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.