not an ex, but I still love him

[carolreed]

I met a guy online about 2 years ago, and we started talking. We met in a game. I gave him my facebook, and soon it lead to more, with texting and eventually voice calls. At first, with us, it was just sexting, over the internet…and then it moved on to where we actully TALKED and got to be friends.. As time went on I started to develop feelings for him. He said he just wanted to be friends, and each time it was for a different reason, …#1, he wasn’t ready for a relationship ( just broke up with fiancee) 2. the age difference 3. The distance. 4. I had a kid. all different reasons, yet he would continue to text me, call me, play video games with me , EVERY SINGLE day. One night on the phone, he told me that he wanted to be with me, but couldn’t….that he came from a relgious family, and that his parent would NEVER approve of the age difference…and he had to respect them or be guilty. We continued to talk every day, he even told me he loved me…Then last August, I went down to visit him. I spent 10 wonderful days with him, hanging out going places, and we had sex. I ws only the 2nd woman he’d been with. When I left, we hugged and kissed at the airport for 20 min. When i got on the plane he sent me a text saying he was going to miss me. I said I was going to miss him too. and already did, he said me too.
When I got home, we still talked every day, texted, played games, everything. I was hopelessly in love with him, and it didn’t seem like he was with me….acccording to what he was saying. his actions …were different. We went another year…talking every day, and then he was accepted to the AirForce. we were realy close by this time, and i was so proud, yet, so sad. I made plans, to go down to visit him again, before he left for basic training this august. He couldnt’ get much time off work, but told me , we weren’t even sure I was going to get to come ( we weren’t sure if he would have to leave for basic before) , but that we should just enjoy all the time we DID have together. we talked on the phone EVERY NIGHT….and most of the time it was 5-6 hr calls. with him still maintaining we were friends only. He said he loved me numerous times…and then I went to visit him. The trip was a disaster…we had sex the first night, and he stayed over and then because of his schedule, he wouldn’t be able to see me for 2 days. Im an emotional texter, and i went crazy, blowing up his phone about how the trip was going to suck..All that did is make him mad, and we barely saw each other, and when we did talk, it would be a fight. we would fight before, but he would always text me and make up . Then he said he was done with me in january but felt bad so continued to talk to me, and that i forced the trip, he knew he would be too busy , but i forced it..(which i didn’t….we talked about it for MONTHS) I ended up leaving early. The day i left, i asked him to stop by, he said no it wouldn’t be a good idea…but he did…and we had sex …we talked about everything, he said he was just mad adn didn’t mean what he said….then …he said he needed a break ..that with him leaving in a month for basic, he was really busy. I said i udnerstood, but i didn’t. He hugged me and we kissed, and said we loved each other, and hugged and kissed some more. when I left, i was devestated about the trip..it might be the last time i saw him, and it was messed up .. I got home, and he wouldn’t talk to me…and said he needed space, and because he was joining the military, that we wouldn’t be able to talk anymore, if not a year then forever. He just dropped me…after 2 years talking every day, sometime 5 hrs, saying he loved me, hugging me kissing me, and even trying to get me to MOVE there…he dropped me. I haven’t talked to him for over a month…and when i write to him, he got mad because i wasn’t giving him space. He told a friend of mine he would talk when he felt like it on his terms, he was just so stressed about the military.
Now, he leaves next week. Everywhere i read, it says that he will forget me…that he probably already has. That i meant nothing to him…Everyone tells me he ws just using me for sex, which I KNOW he was not. Im scared. He’s mad at me ..wn’t talk to me…and now leaving. He wont’ be able to call for 2 months..and then goes tot tech school where he will make all new friends, and even probably a girlfriend. Im sad…and all iw ant is things to go back to normal. I know , he lived with his parents due to financial reasons, and they did not like me..and controlled his life completely. so they had big influence over him…but i just don’t know..im sad, scared, and hurt, and afraid i’ve lost him forever ;( it’s been a month, and i cry all the time, and he wasn’t even a boyfriend. Evern though, we did everything like a couple..:(

[KR]

I am no expert…..but you sound like you have an anxious attachment style and he has an avoidant one…so you want more closeness and intimacy and he wants less….that is why he keeps coming up with reasons why he can’t commit to you. He wants you in his life…just on his terms. If that isn’t ok with you…then I would look at dating other guys who want to commit to you versus giving you mixed signals.

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