No Contact/Not yet broken up

[Broken_Hearted]

Hey everyone, I could really use some support. In April I did something that broke the trust of my partner (not cheating) and he has been too hurt and angry to know if he can continue on in the relationship. For 4 weeks we were still living together, although he would go back to his own house for several days at a time. I spend those 4 weeks apologizing and showing him I was willing to do all the work to make our relationship right. After 4 weeks it became clear that he was getting more angry and distant and he wasn’t going to work through his grief with me desperately trying to save the relationship. I suggested a 3 week no contact break for him to heal and get some perspective, hopefully allowing him to determine if he would like to continue on in the relationship or not. He agreed that was what was best for us. This whole time he has been very straight forward that he is giving his heart time to heal but his gut feeling is that we cannot make it work. However, I do trust that he is putting in the time and not just prolonging the breakup.

Now we are on day 6 of no contact and it’s killing me! It’s so hard because I don’t really want to have hope anymore. It’s just too painful but I can’t NOT have hope since we are technically still together. In our time apart, I’ve had more clarity about what I did and I want to send him another apology, a more specific one, but I’m pretty sure that’s just my mind rationalizing why I need to break no contact. UGH! This is so hard and I can’t detox and heal myself because I’m OBSESSING over him. How do I use this no contact period to my advantage also so that I’m at my best when we reconnect? And how do you get through each tortuous day of this?

[patricia12]

What did you do that was so serious that he’s hurt/angry and lost trust? NO, do not apologize again! Every time you contact him, it reminds him of the incident. Stay no contact for however long it takes for him to initiate a contact. Then respond appropriately. Concentrate on other things in life other than him and each day will be less tortuous. If he has things at your place, put them somewhere out of site. Don’t look at social media and don’t contact him. He needs time to process what happened and what he wants to do about it. He knows how you feel, so don’t nag him about it..

[Author]

Posts