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Boards No Contact Rule No Contact in School?

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #113639
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    Jelen
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    It has been three weeks now since my ex broke up with me, but I’ve been seeing her in school basically every day except the weekends. What makes things worse is that the guy she likes now (and I think they already are in a relationship, but they’re hiding it from me) is in a parallel class and I often see them together, which always makes me either very angry or anxious.

    I do not want to skip school because of this, but would you guys have any tips on how I can avoid her and thinking about her when literally everything in that damn building is reminding me of her, and when every break I see her chatting with her new guy? I’m trying to avoid her as much as possible, but it’s been three weeks and I can’t seem to be able to get her out of my head. I spend every free period in a different part of the building, or go outside to avoid her, but we share a lot of classes and I really do see her multiple times per day, even on days when we don’t share any classes.

    This is my panicked mind talking here, but also, how can I tell whether they have started a relationship or not in case they are trying to hide it? I don’t think anyone would tell me, and if I ask it’ll most likely come of as needy, and the person will end up telling her.

    Any advice is appreciated, all I’ve gotten from my friends is very hostile and negative comments about how she has moved on, doesn’t miss me, and that I need to forget about her already, which as you can imagine are not really helping me right now.

    #113664
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2253

    @jelen How long were you in the relationship? What grade are you in?

    You need to stop obsessing and focus on your schoolwork! It won’t help you to know if she’s “with” the other guy or not as she doesn’t seem to be interested in you anymore. I know it hurts, but if you focus more on studies and getting good grades, it will help you stop dwelling on her. It’s only been 3 weeks and it takes time to get over a breakup. I know you probably think there’s something you can do to get her back, but right now she needs space. When you see her you should be polite, that’s all.

    What might help you to cope better with the situation is to talk with family, friends, maybe a pastor if you attend church etc.. Focus on hobbies and school work.

    #113668
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    Jelen
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    • Total Posts: 4

    Thank you for the advice,

    I’ve been focusing on my hobbies the whole of no contact. Some days I spend over two hours practicing each of them.
    I’m trying not to think about it and when it does come to my mind I just force myself to think of something else.
    I also started a diary where I try to write down all the things that happen in the day, and as time goes on I’m slowly starting to loose the need to do that, as I think of her less and less.

    I’m in the last year of high school, 18yo, the relationship lasted one and a half years.

    #113671
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    patricia12
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    • Total Posts: 2253

    @jelen You’re doing well so far with distractions:) The obsession of her will weaken over time and you will be able to think more objectively and you’ll also start enjoying your free time with hobbies more too.. Continue to study and try to the best grades you can in high school. Are you planning on going to college?

    #113672
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    Jelen
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    • Total Posts: 4

    Yeah, I want to go to a university in England and then become a pilot. I really love traveling, flying especially, math and physics, so it’s probably the best job for me.

    I can feel that the obsession is going away. I started to work on my self-esteem, and I’m trying to approach new people, and from the few conversations I’ve had with girls I’ve realised that I can be just as happy with someone else. I’m not over her completely yet, but I’m working hard and hopefully I will be over her in no time.

    I used to think about whether I should try to get her back, but talking to my friend and my dad made me realise that that’s the last thing I should be thinking about now. Instead I’m looking around for the other available people. Hopefully I don’t get myself into a bad rebound.

    #113674
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    patricia12
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    • Total Posts: 2253

    @jelen Glad to hear you intend to go to college:) The process of becoming a pilot will require a lot more study and I’m wishing you much luck with your career goal!! Why are you thinking of school in England? Are you in the United States?

    I think you should take some more time to grieve the breakup and place your focus on studies. Then after some period of time (when you think you’re ready) start dating casually. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a nice girl later on, but don’t jump too fast into another relationship.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Avatar patricia12.
    #113677
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    Jelen
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    I’m wary of getting into a relationship right now, definitely do not want to start one right now, but the idea (and mindset) is helping me move on.

    I’m from central Europe, and I always wanted to go to England for university. Hopefully brexit will not affect the students as much, but if it does I still have some backup plans on mainland Europe. I want to go to England because I really like the country, and the universities there is are more respected internationally than the ones here, so if I ever were to change my mind and want to move somewhere else, it’d be easier to do so with a uk uni degree. I also have some friends and family there, so I want to take the opportunity of having a home-like environment and the great schools.

    #113685
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2253

    @jelen Enough time has to pass so you’ll have an open mind and heart to date others. Thinking of the possibilities is good, but don’t rush the process.

    Those are all good reasons for attending University in England:)

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