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I don’t know if you read my story in my original thread, but this is all painful. She seems quite happy with that new guy and they have been together for 2 months now, even though what happened between us a month ago. It seems everyday is worse, the only thing I can think about is her and I start doubting if I ever gonna improve from this. I miss her, i love her, and just imagining for a second that they sleep together is disgusting. I wanted her back, but I have my pride too…
Sorry for venting here but im kinda lost, lol.She said she’s ready. And she does have a boyfriend buts he’s just a rebound. She said she wants to build up our friendship and fix this and then she might end up leaving him for me. And she said that she doesn’t care if we still kiss and have sex and stuff because that other guy is just her rebound. What should I do?
I know exactly what you mean, but having not had any conversation with my ex in depth has done wonders for me. She too dashed into a relationship all too quickly, but I’ve been doing my best to just focus on me (unless I post on here with updates).
I will always have love for her as a friend, but the more I see her carrying on with a facade and being a doormat (though she claims to be so independent.. but she’s not), the less I want to be with her. I’ve found in this time apart that I am incredibly successful, my self-esteem has returned, and I love myself. I let her influence me in the past to thinking I wasn’t worthwhile, had a crappy job, was going nowhere with my life, etc. Not. The. Case. At. All.
Hang tough hon, keep yourself busy, and know that you have value. You will get through this, just as we all will. Humans are amazing things and we have the capacity to do wonders if only we try.
Archola and Rican27:
I know that you guys may be more open minded, but for me once the other sleeps with someone else,its over. I will never see him the same way, especially if we had something very serious,like my case. I dont take sex lightly,its not like eating a hamburguer. For me it is something that only two in the deepest conection should share. I dont understand Rican27 her attitude. So she will continue having sec with the other one while she keeps you hanging? Dont get it. I wouldnt put myself in that position.
@ThePhoenix and @Carmine828 I don’t know if they are sleeping together…or I’m not sure. When we saw each other the last time (one month) they weren’t, she assured me so. But one month passed, right? They are still together, seems doing fine and I think it’s safe to assume that they started having sex, or whatever. It’s what I feel and to be honest, makes me quite sick. That’s why I don’t know if I want her back. Maybe I just want her to be alone and to actually “grief” our ending and not just jump to the first guy that gives her comfort because that’s what she did.
I mean, she already cheated on him with me, me and her almost had sex when i saw her…so what’s the bloody point in doing this? Just because of the bloody distance? I don’t get it… I swear, i don’t. After all this time she still has pictures that I took of her in her fb, some in my house and comments and etc and I know she always cared about this…and now seems she doesn’t. Seems like it’s the most perfect relationship in the world. And it makes me angry. She is a very attractive girl and she always had these guys commenting on her pictures, calling her sexy, etc, bs…and it would make me kinda pissed, so she would delete those things. And she liked that I cared, she liked that it bothered me and stuff. But with her new guy, seems it’s so different, I don’t see that “cuteness and sweetness” we had, that she always loved and cared about. This is something I can’t get in my mind, unless she changed completely.
@Carmine828 to be honest I don’t know to answer your sex part. For example, right now, if some girl would show some interest in me to the point of having sex, I wouldn’t say no. At least I would feel less miserable and get a ego boost. But after that, I would still love and miss my ex. So I don’t know, really.About the Valentines question…it’s tricky. If he still cares for you he would just go mad but what if he ever finds out that you did it on purpose just to “catch his attention”? Would that bite you back? Don’t know, to be honest.
@ThePhoenix Probably I will get through this and maybe I’m just overreacting, there’s more “fish in the sea”, etc…but I always felt she was the one, same for her, her words before I left, her actions…it just seems she stayed with that guy because he is closer and can give her more attention or something. She said she still had feelings for me so it just messes my mind even more.The last months of our relationship, we would argue a lot, mainly because she was jealous of a female friend of mine. That friend wished me happy birthday in a nice way, full of smilies, a bit after midnight and so on, and my ex started overreacting saying she fancied me, etc, asking me to delete her and all that. I always said no, because I know that girl for over 8 years and we never felt anything for each other, we were just friends plus, she lives in another country too. I always told her to trust me, because she could. And I think that this lead my ex to break up with me… And the funny thing is that her new guy is friends with a lot of attractive and good looking girls and she doesn’t seems to care.
Sorry the wall of text, I just needed to vent I guess.
PS: It also doesn’t help that I keep checking her social media… 🙁
archola:
I get what you say about the ego thing. But I frankly believe there are tons of ways to get ego boost without adding more wood to the fire, if she finds out you had sex around, you think she would not care? I am no prude, but I think that if you are serious about getting her back you should show you are more mature and at a higher level. You dont subdue to the basic instincts. Just my opinion,my book.
Anout the flowers believe me he wont find out. No one will know except me and possibly my friend,the yoga teacher. He has been advising me a long time ago about NC, and leaving him alone so he would learn the hard way and he would crawl back to me. He is very spiritual,and he himself had a dramatic transformation this past year due to his live in boyfriend of 15 years cheating on him for the THIRD time. He got into meditation, and yoga. He certified himself,and got cured from cancer and released from heavy medication in the process. His relationship was so toxic it almost got him killed. Mine, I guess it sort of was because I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia early in the problem stage years ago,and now I am feeling so much better,off meds right now except for rare occasions I get pain.
Today I was listening to Buddy Holly and Ritchie Valens as it is the anniversary of their accident (the day that music died), and I cried because he used to record a lot of music for me and he dedicated True Love Ways and We Belong Together Early into our relationship. We had a gairy tale romance, but it all crumbled when I found out he lied to me. He was sleeping around and keeping sex emails with some girls, and he did not stop when we started,not even when he swore he loved me. I found out, and I read all the terrible emails, and saw all the terrible videos. That screwed me, killed my innocence.and even though he never cheated again,i was screwed and jealousy got the best of me. but he also provoked a ton of other situations that hampwred our relationship from being totally functional, we are also long distance, 2 hours apart. Anyeay,Ill tell the whole thing another day,but for now I just want this NC period to fly and see finally what will happen.
A bit of an update here:
So I heard from my sister today that my ex’s dog is sick. At the end, she was my dog as well and I’m quite bummed about the news. It just reaffirms for me that my ex cannot be trusted with her own animals. I made a post before about how abusive/neglectful she was in the past with them, but I had seriously hoped she would be forced to be more responsible since there were new people around her (essentially she’d have to step her game up so people wouldn’t know how bad she is with them).
I’m hoping it’s nothing serious, but I’m still worried. Whenever the dog had problems in the past with illness, they were things that could be avoided. My ex would also put off taking her to the vet’s office and things would only get worse. I don’t understand how someone like her could let these things happen since she’s in school for line of work with animals AND works at a vet clinic. I’m angry, concerned, upset, and worried… but nothing I can do about it.
I think I need to go meditate for a bit.
Your right. I decided to go back into NC! And I told her to not contact me unless she is really really READY! So I’m going back to NC until the day she wants to get back for real….which will probably take a really long time :,(
@Rican27
I think you did the right thing. Sounded like your ex wanted you around to help her get over the break up and even enticed you with sex. Let her feel a loss. Also be careful as she’s 18. She’s very young and even if you guys end up back together her natural tendency to want to see what else is out there will more than likely kick in again.
@ThePhoenix
I can relate. Even though my ex’s dog is all hers I know he’s neglected and I was pretty much only one who gave him attention. Sometimes I wonder if I miss the dog more than her lolCould you please provide me with the link to your full story? Ill try to help as much as I can.
“At the end of a dark tunnel, there will always be light.”
@Martin sure thing! Here it is:
Probably i forgot to mention stuff but feel free to ask if you want 🙂
Hi.
it’s my 1st day of NC. but i’ve not been in touch with him for a week.. we break up 1 month ago and it’s really hard for me to imagine my life without him.. i do called him in between to cry or beg him but when i read about the article it makes me feel ashamed.. i’m doing NC coz i want to know if i can live without him.. i sure do want him back but as far as i know him he will never come.. maybe NC is something that can give me my life back.. if he comes back good if not atleast i know i can be happy without him.. thanks for everything kevinWaeza:
Welcome to our Realm, and hang in there girl. We all have been in your boots, and of us still are. You do good by joining us, sharing with others can take some of the anxiety and confusion on what to do out, and best of all you have a support available to you anywhere.
Dont break nc no matter how tempted you are. I did that mistake too early and brought me back like 40 stories down. Relish this time to heal and find your true purpose and his true purpose in your life.
Carmine828
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