No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

[Martin]

Hey Everyone,

NC – Day 7 (Round 3)

Sorry I was able to actively participate in the forum for a while. Kept myself busy to stop over thinking about my ex.

My ex’s secret boyfriend returned from his holiday. I did something bad and snooped their messages on facebook. My ex is aware I can get access to it as she has kept her account logged in, at her university. They have been planning after exams celebrations together; we normally do that together. From the messages between both of them, he seems like a version of me and she says things to him which she would normally say to me. I am not sure if this is a rebound as she was the one who broke up with me. Also she had a crush on him before she broke up with me.

The last two times I contacted my ex was okish. The first being on the 2nd where we spoke for 10mins and the 2nd on 5th where we spoke for 25min. The second time I did tell her that I care about her and she being happy would make me happy. Not sure if I did the right thing but I feel less of a jerk after doing so. Before I called her the second time she did tell her friend that she misses me.

I think she might have broken up with me because she thought that the grass was greener…so if it is not greener but the same as the previous one would she come back or settle for the new guy? Her exams finishes on the 14th jan (NC day – 9) so that is going to be a dark day for me where I would constantly be imagining her cuddling and sleeping with him.

Also if she is constantly going to be with someone else, how would she get the time to think about me?

I am aiming for a solid 30 day NC.

@confusedbutok
Dw, yours seem very hopeful. It is quite unlikely that she will meet a suitable match on match.com . Even still let her go on a few dates and she will be back in no time. I am sure she will be disappointed with 3-5 dates…it usually would not go any further. Its also a good sign as she does not like anyone in particular.

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I was thinking that we should create a flow chart/psuedocode sort of thing to help the future dumpees to get around this. We are not experts but we have all made mistakes which we have learnt from.

[confusedbutok]

@Nell @Martin

What worries me is she paid to join so she must be serious on finding a replacement no?

Also she met her ex before me on match and we had met off a dating site, a free one 🙁

[Sparky]

@Martin It is a good sign that your Ex has told her friend that she misses you, but there is a huge difference between that and you ever getting a chance of being with her again.

If she feels that you and the guy that she is currently seeing are a similar match then she will not give up that relationship for another shot at being with you.

Best way to regain her interest is to make it look like you have moved on a little, but once your NC has ended always be there for her without expecting anything if she wants to talk to you.

Of course you can hope that it all goes tits up with her and her current fella privately, or that she decides that it isn’t the relationship for her and finishes it off her own back. Just make sure that nobody knows that you think like that.

[Martin]

@confusedbutok
how long have you been with your ex?

@Spark
Thanks for your response.

Well I can’t judge how similar we are but he is nice to her and I do know how she would be able to leave him; they are in the same course at uni too. I know it will hurt me a lot to just be friends with her.

There are only limited number of reasons why that relationship would end. Anyway I can only wait and see what is going to happen. If things seem like we are never ever going to get back; then I have decided to completely walk away from her life. For now I will just do my own things.

Any idea if she would miss me if she is constantly going to have someone in her presence?

[confusedbutok]

@Martin

8 months. Relationship ended because I didn’t really know how to communicate when things bothered me so I pushed her buttons. She’s emotional and just ended things thinking I was going to do it first.

[Martin]

@confusedbutok

if that is that case then it seems repairable. how much into NC are you in?

[confusedbutok]

@Martin

Round 3 7 days. Last we spoke I texted that I was in the area and asked if she’s busy.

[confusedbutok]

Here’s the latest thread I started explaining most recent news about it (it was created right before my last contact of being in the area)

[Martin]

Ah same as me then. Well there seems to be no reason why she shouldn’t get back to you. I think with time you might have a chance. Just try to improve yourself and make some positive changes.

She is not emotionally connected with anyone so that is a good sign.

[Martin]

http://torontosnumber1datedoctor.com/blog/facts-about-rebound-relationships-will-it-last-and-can-you-get-back-your-ex/

might help some of you guys.

My ex and this new guy has been hanging out since oct 13th and they hooked up officially on december 18th. They are taking this slow. Probably a rebound that would last.

[Martin]

Also is it possible to get an ex back if she leaves you for someone else? Meaning the fact she got a crush on someone else is the reason for the break up…

[confusedbutok]

@Martin

Honestly the only way I think to “get an ex back” is to let them be. The more you try the more you just push them into the arms of someone else.

I know it sucks and it’s hard but you really can’t do anything but give them distance and space. If they miss you they’ll reach out if not, unfortunately there’s nothing you can do.

I’ve been contemplating it and I don’t think I’m going to reach out after 30 days NC. That’s kind of coming from a place of weakness.

You need to just walk away and hope they’ll eventually realize your value and feel regret. Remember if someone feels you’ll always be there, why would they develop any fear of loss and want to keep you around?

Just know your worth and move on. Make their decision final and let them worry about if it was the right one or not.

[Sparky]

I certainly wouldn’t have reached out to my Ex if she didn’t reach out for me during NC.

Yes it is still possible that your Ex can miss you even if she is seeing somebody else. Ultimately her missing you means little unless she is willing to work towards a new friendship/relationship and you both put the past behind you.

There’s no guarantees of anything and you will be able to judge your own situation at any given time best.

[Nell]

I found out today from someone in the know that my ex has been running his mouth and bad mouthing me. I’m not surprised, but it still hurts. He has been telling everyone that the split is my fault because I’m so horrible, called me names, made up lies, etc.

I honestly wanted to break NC as soon as I heard. I didn’t want to pull this other person into it though, or look pathetic myself. I’ve been stewing all evening. I know the truth, and ultimately that’s what matters, but it majorly sucks that he’s doing this.

[john1234]

@nell sorry to hear that nell 🙁 sometimes i get the urge to ask that same friend i talked about if my ex misses me, but with this possible new guy she might be interested in, idk if thats a good choice to ask. I dont want her to find out anything about me and end up pushing her. Also i read in another thretvad that theres someone like me that had over 2 months of NC and somehow after 3-4 months NC worked for them, so im not sure about reachng out now. I know my situation best but i should maybe try some dates now and not contact her. I dont wont want to seem desperate again.

[Author]

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