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@Marcus1 @belle I had a similar conversation with my Ex a couple of weeks ago. I apologised to her for allowing our relationship to move too quickly in my opinion. Being the older one out of the two of us I should’ve realised that neither of us were really ready for a new relationship at that point in time and put the brakes on a bit.
I think that perhaps she was trying to put the brakes on in hindsight and because of the problems I was having at the time I was in too much of a rush.
She has said numerous times to me that it is ok and that I didn’t rush her but I think that I did because neither of us had completely left our previous relationships and problems behind us fully. My Ex said that it felt like she didn’t have a choice anyway because her feelings for me were that strong that she had difficulty controlling them. I have told her that I felt like that many times too but I still should’ve known better and looked more at the long term.
I’m 40yrs old and feel like I rushed in like a bleedin’ teenager! lol
NC day 13 (Round 2)
I did not wish her back on Christmas! How do you suppose I get about this? I did this out of anger…we dated for four years and it was wonderful.
Day 15 (round 2)
After thinking and researching deeply I wished my ex happy new year today by text message. She responded back with a lengthy email saying sorry for how she treated me after the break up and giving a reason why we broke up.
She ends the email saying “You’re a great person, and many many girls could fall in love with you, they would not want to let you go once they got you. All the best for your future.”
I called her instead in response and spoke for 9.30minutes. I made sure I did not sound desperate and kept my cool. I also ended the conversation. At the end of the phone call I said “Let me know if you need anything”.
Does this mean I have broken my no contact? And do I still have a chance at getting her back?
@Martin Well yes you have certainly ended NC.
You have a chance of getting her back, of course you do. How big that chance might be only you will know best.
NC will only help you to get in a frame of mind where it is possible to win your Ex back. What you need to accept during NC is that your relationship with your Ex is over. You both need to put the past behind you and any conversations with her from now are about making her and yourself feel comfortable as friends prior to the possibility of contemplating starting a new relationship with her.
If you enter the false friendship zone then you need to stay strong. Be her friend and do not expect anything in return. It’s not easy. I am currently a month or so in to my second false friendship stage. I know that is what I am doing this time and I feel more prepared for it, but it isn’t easy and despite some very promising signs I still have difficult moments when I have to tell myself not to read too much in to anything that is said and that tomorrow is just another day.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Hi everyone, I had a very rough time yesterday and New Year’s Eve.
Thoughts of my ex possibly celebrating with a new random guy crept through my thoughts and made me feel terrible.
Today I’m feeling bit better, it’s currently day 3 on no contact round 2. Things with her ended on a positive note last time we spoke and she said she needs to think about seeing me again but is already seeing other people.
My question is, if she initiates contact from now on and you don’t reply right away to appear unavailable, does that help your chances or make them worse?
Thank you for your response. Would you mind giving more advice and help me judge the situation. My judgement would be poor as my mind if filled with thoughts that I need to get my ex back.
@confusedbutok I have found that women get very upset and are only likely to go quiet for a lot longer than you do before next responding if you leave them dangling too long.
An hour or two with a message saying that you are busy and can’t talk right now but you hope that they are ok and you will speak to them soon is probably the safest option. I wish that I had used it more.
You currently need a lot more time to yourself and an explanatory that it is nothing that she has done wrong but you need a little time to focus on your own health and wellbeing should be understood if your Ex partner thinks anything of you.
@Martin I will try my best to give you advice, although obviously you would have to tailor it to your situation.
I have told myself that I may never get my Ex back and keep telling myself this. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want her back just that I have accepted that it might never happen and so I need to get on with my life. My Ex knows that I am there for her if she wants me and she is certainly keen not to lose me from her life completely. No matter how difficult things might be I continue to try and get on with my life while being the best friend that I can possibly be to my Ex and her young daughter.
I have no idea if things will come good again or not but I have worked out that this route is my best option and it is what I want. I just hope that I have finally learnt to stay strong enough to give things a proper chance of working out.
Do you think me contacting her and resolving a few issues before going NC was for the best or does it give her the sense of more power towards me?
The fact that she said she’s already seeing other people and needs to think about seeing me again makes me feel like I’ll just be a back up plan. How can I reverse this and have her feel a loss?
Hello
I was wondering if any of you lovely people could give me some advice?
I am about to get to about 30 days NC (apart from one email i sent just before xmas which was an email she sent me last christmas telling me how excited she was to be spending christmas with me and how happy her life was)She has not contacted me and we havent spoke since the 5 december when she deleted me as a freind from facebook and the impression i get is that she really wants to move on. I have seen her profiles on dating sites like POF and zoosk etc saying she is actively looking for a relationship.
I am thinking of carrying on NC untill about 45 days and then i am not sure how to reconnect????
…Some advice says to send a txt something like “reminding her a tv programme we both liked to watch is coming on or asking her where a restaurant we ate at once is located something like that. and other advice is to write a short letter to her to say sorry how things ended but now i am ready to move on and i hope we can be friends??What is the best thing to do? She is quite a stubborn person and i know she left me because towards the end of our relationship i got into a slump and she realised she could maybe do better. we had been going out for 3 years a living together for 2. Things only started going downhill in the last 4-6months of the relationship.
Any advice would be very much appreciated.
Many Thanks
TomHappy New Year everyone 🙂
Quick update from me. I upheld the NC right through her birthday, Christmas & New Year and I have to say that I feel pretty good about it. I’m keeping my end of my promise – I’m giving her the time and space that she clearly wants.
I genuinely don’t know whether she expected me to or not, but either way what’s done is done and although I still miss her (and her family) I’m not so cut up about it anymore. I think I’m finally making it over to the other side.
The NC is still ‘indefinite’ in that I plan to stay invisible to her until such a time that a) she reaches out to me, or b) a considerable amount of time has passed whereby I can safely approach her in a neutral capacity (it would be nice if we could become genuine friends again, we had a good relationship by and large!)
My focus right now is planning some further self changes for this new year and one or two are already coming to fruition – I have a date this weekend that I’m actually really looking forward to 🙂
Take care of yourselves guys!
@SodiumC That’s great! It sounds like you are in a good place. Good luck on your date!
NC day 22 for me. My ex didn’t wish Merry X-mas or New Year’s. I wasn’t expecting it, but it still kind of stings. I feel like I regressed the past couple days to earlier stages of grief and it made me want to contact him. I didn’t though.
I put all of his things away in a closet and ran old love letters, cards, and pictures through a shredder, it was cathartic.
I broke the crap out of no contact today. I couldn’t help myself, he started it haha. It wasn’t bad though…and I felt absolutely horrible because today I found something that I had worried was stolen. We had quite a bit of trust issues going on before…so I had jumped to conclusions and this thing going missing ultimately lead to our breakup. I apologized because I didn’t feel right waiting 30 days to tell him I was dead wrong.
His first text was “Hey…I take it you don’t wanna talk?”
Could not help myself, I caved waaay too quick.
“I do…I just want to make sure I’m not smothering you. Plus today hasn’t really been a great day :/”
I did this because I wasn’t sure if telling him about the NC period would help.
“Ah you’re not smothering me… have you been getting my texts?”
I hadn’t been. He had apparently sent four, but my phone won’t receive texts if the battery is low. From what he told me, they were pretty short, and at one point he thought I was mad. He also followed up with asking me how I was. I’m supposed to meet him in the city tomorrow to give him his stuff, and he asked me if I wanted to sit down and have coffee with him soon (not tomorrow). I’m actually kind of scared. I don’t want to move too fast back into this and screw it all up, but he seems pretty willing to make things right…at least I think so, anyways. I didn’t do no contact very long at all…is this still too soon? I don’t want to reject him to do NC if it’s going to backfire.
@Nell I am in the exact same situation, I heard nothing either from my ex (on Day 20 of NC). However saying this, from her Facebook she really does not seem happy or posting often since our break up while I have been out with friends a lot having a great time.
I miss her and still find myself thinking about her loads, but since NYE especially I no longer feel like I desperately need her back. My only concern is that her main reason for breaking up with me is that she wanted to focus on her studies. Do I end NC in 10 days time and potentially risk being friendzoned or do I leave it until March/April?
Happy new year to you all as well guys 🙂
@Skoll Damn it sounds like you are in the perfect situation, I would be very surprised if he does not want to get back with you if he has been trying to contact you multiple times AND wants coffee with you. Just play it cool when you see him, honestly I think you will get him back from what you have said!
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