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Hello everyone,
I woke up today and the first thing that popped in my head was my ex. Realized that it will be 4 months since the break up and 2 months of NC. But i feel that i haven’t made any progress with myself and it frustrates me because i want to rush things on getting healed and getting over her. But i know this is all temporary. I just have to keep moving forward. There are times when i go out and feel nervous that maybe i’d bump into her out of nowhere lol. I am still hoping that we could get back together.Woke up to a series of texts from my ex:
“I love you. Life is too short. I just started my day off with a death of a young lady. She only lived a month after finding out that she had cancer. Anything could happen to you or I and I just hope that things can smooth out quickly so we can be in each others life again. Tomorrow is not promised. I hope you are having a good day. Love you!”
I feel like I should let her know I’m not doing this because I am mad, but this is a time where I can deal with everything on my own, etc. Is that a bad idea?
Also, it seems like she has friend zoned me already. I know she misses me, but just because we were the best of friends. Besides being partners/mates.What the hell do I do?
*I originally posted this in a thread all its own, but no one responded. I’m still confused as to what I should do!*
I have a drafted text waiting to send. I am willing to break NC for this..but I would like advice before doing so. I feel like her text indicates she believes I am mad. I’m not angry at all. Second, that fact it seems like she wants to quickly smooth things over to have me in her life indicates she has no idea the severity of the situation..or at the least she has no guilt about how she handle the situation. how she tore my fucking heart out. It’s not even realistic at this point to suggest we be around each other. What planet is she living on!?
I’m heated. Someone please give me advice on how to handle this, and maybe what you get from it. Thanks.
This is the text I am thinking about sending:
“I am not angry. I need this space from you to have room to discover myself, and I have been discovering quite a bit. About my behavior..my codependency..and form of dialogue with you during our relationship. I’m taking this time to process what I couldn’t before. I suggest you do the same. Discover things about yourself, and understand your part in what happened. Try to understand the meaning and severity of your actions and experience personal growth. Work on being the best you and learn about your issues and how you can help control them. Release the fear and hurt from the past. I am taking this time to gain back my identity as an individual. It’s a beautiful thing to understand myself and be able to work on bettering myself so that I may have a happy and loving future. I wish you the same.” I know I probably shouldn’t send this.. but I want to so bad. It’s so long winded, but I don’t care. It pisses me off that she is oblivious to this degree.
SuzyLou,
Maybe sending that could add more on the situation you are in. She could misinterpret it or whatever. You could maybe tell her short and simple that you are okay and discovering new things in life and just wish her well too.here’s a question for the ladies, or anyone in general who has a clue
so i am dwelling right now (not good, i know) but one of the last text i got from my ex after i was pushing too much was
“i know what i want love to feel like and i wasn’t feeling that with you. And i don’t want to stop myself from finding that”
she told me she loved me, everything was good, i know she had been dealing with a lot on her own but i really do believe she meant it earlier when she said she loved me so im not sure if that was just to hurt me or get me to back off. I did back off tho after that
My question is for the ladies, or anyone
What do you want love to feel like?
The hypocrisy is that she told me theres no way i could’ve loved her that much giving the short time we were together because love has to grow, so if thats the case and she was happy with me (she has said she was, later to say she wasn’t) how can she say she wasn’t feeling it in that short time?
Please help? Thanks
DanMurphy,
I think it’s an emotional stage for her as well. She seems quite confused so try not to over analyse her words otherwise you’ll go insane.
One reason is that she might feel quite pressured from you and that’s why she uses these hurtful words. Give her time.
I mean I told my ex at the beginning of our breakup that I’ll wait for him and it is something I soooo regret. I realised I was putting so much pressure on him. And it wasn’t fair.
Just focus on you no matter how hard that is…Julia very well said!
I agree with her. The last few conversations I had with my ex I tried to analyse every single word she told me to see if she was trying to tell me something behind the meaning and all it did was mess with my mental health. Now that time had passed I know that many if the things she said was due to confusion and not knowing what she wanted
Hello all,
Today’s thoughts.
I recently started talking to this girl. I met her through mutual friends. What’s crazy is that she reached out to me on IG we started talking then I asked for her number and have been texting for a couple days. I think she’s cool, funny, smart, and cute but I don’t know.
Nothing with her all. It’s me. I get the feeling that I can’t ever love someone again..what a foolish thought (what my brain thinks) but my hart believes otherwise.
I feel bad becuase I don’t know what I want from her yet. I know she’s expecting me to ask her out on a date already but i hate to mis lead her. Like I’ve said before I’m not ready for a relationship or maybe even talking to someone now that I think about it.
It’s ridiculous, when I’m not talking to a girl I begin to feel lonly but when I talk to one I being to feel something else. The few girls I’ve talked to are good girls, wife material so I don’t want to mess with them not like that.
I need to figure myself out. Just today’s thoughts…
LA,
Don’t pressure yourself. I think it’s too soon for you. Usually these things come to your life when you least expect them. I know exactly how you feel. At this point I can’t even imagine myself being with someone else. But I think it’s better. We need time with ourselves and not rushing things. It wouldn’t be fair to the other person.
Personally I feel I will need way too much time.
I have come to realise that the key to these situations is to let go of the expectation of getting your ex back. Although I have some difficulty applying this notion.. :pLA,
Maybe you haven’t totally recovered from the previous relationship and are not ready for a new relationship yet. Just give yourself some more time to heal before rushing into any new relationship. I’m sure one day you will find yourself ready to love someone else. 🙂
Athens,
I already sent her a text stating what you suggested. She is still attempting to contact me. She called me at 1:30am this morning. I didn’t answer, but I was unable to fall asleep for another 3hrs. I think I am going to change my number. Still going strong! lol
Day 38 of NC. My ex sent me text today for the first time of my NC. I replied because I think it’s been more than 30 days of NC, I feel like I can be cool when I replied him and I know that my ex is very stubborn, if I don’t reply him, he will believe that I really hate him (because I have always contacted him after we broke up).
Anyway, the text messages was something saying he misses me and still loves me lots (but he’s seeing someone else). He said I probably hate him as I didn’t contact him for a while. I said I didn’t, i just thought to it’d better to give us some space as he’s seeing someone else. He started to ask me if I miss him and said he’s willing to give up everything to get back with me again. I asked him if that’s what he wanna do and he said I should show him more that I want him back. (When he broke up, he said that one of the problem is that I didn’t love him enough, which of course that’s not true! but a few months later he confessed that he fell in love with someone else). I told him that I have shown him that for the last two years (we have broken up for two years already and yes, i have been an idiot for staying around and hope that he will get back with me for the last two years…) He kept asking me what I want him to do, but i didn’t answer him. I just told him to think about himself, if he’s serious with getting back together, we can talk about it later.
Maybe you guys won’t believe it, but i am not happy or thrill when he texted me. Because it’s not the first time he sent me such messages. He has been sending these several times for the last two years, but every time when I told him that I wanna get back with him, it’s another disappointment. Today, I realized that actually he just wants assurance from me that I am always there for him, so that he can continue his life. He has his personal issues, and he’s aware of it. The last time we chatted before NC, he told me he wanna work on his issues and ask me to stay away from him, he didn’t wanna involve and hurt me again when he’s getting out of his mess. Today when we talked, I told him he should sort out his issue first if he wanna get back together, but then he said the issue is that I should show him I want him back…how hilarious…I am really disappointed that he didn’t work on himself, but that’s something I can’t help him now.
I just wanna say that this is the first time after we broke up, I can be so clear that I shouldn’t believe in what he said. I am not the idiot anymore. I told myself that if he wanna get back together, he should be the one to show me. If this happened in the last two years, I think I have rushed and told him that how much I love him and how much I want to get back with him. All these thanks to NC, it cleared my mind and helped me gain back some dignity in front of my ex.
I still haven’t figured out if I still wanna get back with him to be honest. I will continue my NC, and I won’t see him until I feel like I am ready and become a better version of me. I hope my experience can give some encouragement to those who are struggling with NC. We all know how hard it is, but please hang in there, and your hard work will pay off later. 🙂
Julia and LA
how did your situations work out?
LA i mean i know your recent one didn’t but is that the one you overanalyzed?
hey guys
anyone here remember my story? long story short after almost 2 months of NC during which he completely ignored me till we bumped in to each other and talked. i acted like a completely moved on person. happy and changed and bla bla bla. he was all crying and sayin that he did it for the both of us( after 10 yearssss????)but later, after two days, i got really freaked out and i did the most stupidest thing. i called him and when he didn’t answer me i texted him saying that there’s stuff going on my mind and i need to talk to you and if u don’t wanna talk please text me back so i dob’t wait. he did not answer the text. i’ve done the horrible. guys please tell me what to do? i feel horribleDanMurphy,
I understand you there, there are a lot of things that has been said by my ex on our on-off relationship and honestly i dont know which one i would believe in. Its very confusing because of some actions and the things she has expressed. And yes, dont try to over analyze everything (believe me i myself also have a hard time not overanalyzing things) because it’ll drive you mental and of course that is no good. But i think i know where youre getting at you want to understand and know where it went wrong right?Mhyy,
Whoa! Its been two years since you two have broken up??? And just recently you started the NC??
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