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I cancelled the catch up with my ex. Messaged her on 3rd night saying that I am unable to meet her and we’ll sort something out later.
I made the decision to cancel it a while ago…the stress of meeting her is not worth it; I will meet her if she ever breaks up from her current relationship otherwise she will just end up being a faint memory in my mind.
The good thing now is that I have better control of myself.
“If you don’t stand for something, you will fall for anything.”
“Be good to yourself.”
But don’t get me wrong, I am not giving up! Moving on is not giving up. đ
Hi everyone,
Just wondering if I should contact my ex right now or just not bother?
@Martin do what you really feel it’s the right thing. Do you really still want her back? Despite her being with someone else?
Anyway, after last week I sent my ex that message and she read it…don’t know…I feel more relieved. But today I saw her posting pictures with him and her family and them having fun…and it still bothers me so much…so much. I just changed my relationship status on fb to single and blocked her there. Right now, I just don’t wanna see her, don’t want to feel the temptation to go and check on her. I still have deep feelings for her and I just want to feel better somehow. Eventually she will find out I blocked her (I told her when we were together that I wouldn’t…but it hurts too much) but I won’t care. I will end up unblocking her, in some days or weeks. I just want not to check on her.
She is so happy right now…and it drives me even more sad. What can i do?The girl I was with for a year and a half broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We spoke for a little while after until all connections were cut. I ended up breaking no contact after 21 days and she told me she wants me out of her life forever… She threatened to change her number, call the authorities and even get a restraining order… She isn’t even with anyone else… She would rather be all alone then have anything to do with me, the person who was always there for her and supported her no matter what….she has a new job and is doing amazing from everyone I’ve talked to… It’s over…she promised to be with me forever and to love me and fight for me like I do for her… Soon she’ll be having sex with other guys, fall in love and forget all about me… It hurts so much more now because I was holding onto false hope the entire time… She had left before but always returned so I thought history was going to repeat itself… I just wanna kill myself… The love of my life will soon forget all about me and never have the same feelings she once had before….
Oh snap. I didn’t receive an email for your previous message. Will reply when I get to a computer.
And no don’t think anyone has moved on yet…just in the process of moving on.
@Martin it’s alright. I just thought everyone forgot about this thread :p~
Yeah, that’s where I am. In the processed of moving on. But do I want to…? I don’t know. I still love her but the things I see…she makes me sick.
What about you, mate?
I pretty much check up on here almost the first thing in the morning.
I am not someone who would hold a grudge so I would be bit more forgiven. If she ever comes back I would consider getting back with her depending on the situation; i.e if she comes back after a long time and I am in a serious relationship with someone else, I would obviously turn her down. Otherwise I’d give it a shot but it will be a whole new relationship. I no long feel the same way I did towards her anymore…but I do keep remembering certain memories over and over gain from time to time.
I’d say you should unblock her and continue to have her on your facebook. You should show her that you are unaffected but all this and do this by being mysterious…like Ryan Gosling. đ Once after her honey moon phases out she would wonder what you are up to from time to time. My ex has me as her “close friend” on fb so if I ever post something she would get a notification. I control what she knows about me and what she doesn’t.
@kevinmusicrox
Most of us here have similar situations. So ill tell you this. After 4 months she wont matter much to you. (How do I know this? My ex broke up with me about 4 months ago and until then we were everything for each other. Also she “was” the love of my life.)This is what you must do. Get into no contact, around the 13th and 20th days are the hardest; you will relapse several times but you must stay strong. Take up new activities, get a new hair cut. Buy new clothes and watch “crazy stupid love”. If she ever comes back you must be more awesome.
Now you must know that she will never forgot you! I mean NEVER.
Do not give up but move on.
“The one who cares less, controls the relationship.”
How are you guys doing?
Hi @Martin and everyone else.
Errrrm, Im not quite sure how I’m doing to be honest. I have my good days but i also have quite a few bad days. Especially weekends. I still cant stop thinking about her and the worst bit is knowing she is with someone else. I know that if she was single it wouldnt be half as bad. Some days I feel an incredible amount of numbness and hopelessness. Other days Im ok….which is the best I can hope for at the moment.
I am so gratefull for my friends and family I have but Ultimately I know that isnt enough. I need my best friend, lover and companion around still…..But on the other hand….do I? I was perfectly fine and loving life being single for a number of years before I met my ex?
The last time I was in contact with her was about a month ago when I was last on this forum and I felt really down. This was because she told me she was very happy with the new guy in her life, she hadnt loved me for quite a few months before we split up and she never wanted to hear from me again. It just confuses me so much because I genuinely look back and feel I really dont deserve that. I treated her well and I feel overall we had a pretty healthy and fun relationship and the whole break up situation could have been a lot worse.
I sent her one last txt saying to not leave things on a bad note, to try to remember the good times and that i will miss her, but I got nothing back. I have recently typed out an email I really want to send but havent yet. It is on top of an email i recieved from her only a month or so before we splitt up saying how much she loved me?….
For some reason, I now kind of need to know that it wasnt all a fake towards the end and she did enjoy her time with me. In a weird way, i also feel that if she just told me she met this guy she is with now and just felt a real click, then I might be able to accept it a bit more and move on. I would also love for her to be truthfull with me and tell me if she met him while we were together as I have a feeling she did. I dont think I will get anything back from her, and if I do, will it really help me? I dont know?
It still confuses me a lot and it is getting me down quite often. I have made some major changes in my life for the better, including one of the hardest decisions of my life in leaving the job i have been in for 6 years which I enjoy, to go to another job with the prospects of furthering my career and earnings. I need major change. I would love to get out of the town I am in at the moment as everything reminds me of her and I feel Summer is going to be extremely hard but those are changes that my circumstances can not cater for I dont think anyway.
I have slacked off on the dating game as well as i really dont feel I am ready yet and I keep thinking there isnt a girl out there that compares to my ex but logic is telling me that is BS and I should just get out there again.
I have pretty much lost all hope of any sort of reconcilliation and possibly even seeing her again so i think, sod it should i send the email? or should I continue NC and feeling the way I do without getting things off my chest?
Its hard and its taking me longer than i thought. I NEVER in my life thought a girl would make me feel like this and have these feelings and funnily enough, especially my ex while I was in the relationship…..Thats taking things for granted for you….But does that tell me we were’nt actually meant to be and I just miss the whole situation as i do have a bit of an addictive personality?
Love is certainly a tough game.
How about yourself Martin? Hows things with you?
How about some of the guys/girls who started this thread back in the Summer of 2014?
Not sure if you still get the emails but any moving on or reconcilliation stories or feedback? @steve @la @ms-marple @az
Would be good to hear if you are still on here?
Hi everyone. Since updates have been requested I’ll share mine.
If anyone remembers I was exchanging small superficial texts with my ex and she’d stop the conversation from going further/deeper.
Well a week and 1/2 ago now I sent a pic of myself with her dog added in as a funny thing and sent it. She replied “lol” then said her dog was at work with her and I said “is he doing an internship?” To which she stopped responding.
Next day I decided ok I’m just going to ask to get together and catch up, was pretty fed up with the whole small texts leading to a dead end.
So I sent something like “all this (her dog’s name) we should take him for a walk and do a little catching up. Would you be up for that?”
She responds “I’m sorry I don’t think that’s a good idea yet” I told her “no worries I understand. Don’t be shy to suggest it sometime though!”
She then twisted the knife in my chest with this “I want to share all the things that have been happening but don’t want to make you feel sh*tty. So it’s better you’re removed from it so you can be happy for me and not hurt”
I simply said “omg you sold (her dog’s name)! Lol. No worries just remember if you need an ear I’m here for you”
And now I’m done. No intention of reaching out anymore. It’s all on her if she decides to keep in touch.
I have to say, all this taught me something. Although the 5 step plan on this site seems like a good idea. Next time a breakup happens I’m just going to walk and not look back. Ultimately it’s down to the dumper to have a change of heart and reach out. Can’t help but feel I gave up a little of my self respect trying to chase someone who clearly isn’t interested. I’m only glad my post break up contact was mostly laced with playfulness and not begging/pleading.
@Tommys83
Sorry for asking but how old are you?
Likewise I have some bad days too but its period has reduced greatly. Ofcourse it hurts even more that our exâs left us for someone else. But yeah donât worry there is always hope and something out there but it wonât come to you if you donât make any effort. You NEED to get out there and get what you want.Also just like you I was happy being single for years and progressing before I met my ex. She was the insecure, needy one and I gave her everything she wanted. We became best friends and then more. Now since she found someone else she discarded me. Anyway my route to where I am now starts from re-finding myself from before I met her. Then improving myself and loving myself first. If your ex doesnât come back eventually someone better would find you who would want to be with you forever.
That said, I did a lot of research into GIGs (grass is greener syndrome), LOA (law of attractions) and Breadcrumbs to understand a things.
What happened to you is inevitable, just like It happened to me. She was happy and contended etc etc. But what we all want as humans is to grow. For exâŠIf I get really good at my job, I know I would quit it and find something new because it would start to bore me. Our exes got the same feeling, they got bored of us. They probably do not know for themselves too so if you ask them why they left you; they would not give you a proper response. The best thing to do is let go. They will most likely be bored of the new relationship quickly too and start to regret it. Btw she is in a rebound so you have to do two main things a) Let her be and do not give her the feeling that you are still around. b) move on.
Rebounds usually last between 2-9months. Sometimes longer but it does not have a strong foundation.â https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq3-F_738gA â < watch this.
Not trying to give you false hope but some of them do come back. And when they do you must be several times better than what you are right now.
Do not bother asking your ex any question…actually do never ask her any questions. If she contacts you, just give her statements.
Weekends will always be the hardestâŠtry to do something daring and bold in them. If you have plenty of money saved up go travelling in south American (while you are there get on tinder to meet the local girls :P). First thing and foremost try go-karting. A little adrenaline will help you feel alive again.
And you do not have an addictive personalityâŠyou are just normal! Like the rest out us! Hahaha.
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From the last message she sent you I think you can assume the worst possible situation. There is a chance that she might have found a new man. Since she got on match.com after your breakup and her user account went offline recently. Some people advice to still be part of her life to make her new man paranoid etc and some suggests to let her be and let their honeymoon phase frizz out.
My impression of your ex is that she seems to be someone who needs to be in a relationship because they feel insecure and unstable otherwise. These women are a bit crazy. My ex is probably the same.
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Hey everyoneI do think about my ex for short periods occasionally but I am able to snap out of it quite quickly. I have been working and improving myself in several aspects since the break up and thankfully I did that. From time I moved to the new city (just a few days after the breakup) (also ex and I now live in the same city) I went out and kept myself busy. It was a slow process but I have achieved better stability of my life. I am at a point where I can start to accept that sheâs not coming back. If she does, I told myself I would accept herâŠif she doesnât Iâll just get someone better.
I do still keep an eye on her so some god damn reason which needs to stop and I do hope that she does come back but whatever.
I keep my weekends busy with activities and night outs with friends. My social life has exponentially increased over the past few months. I am still trying to get better at everything I do. When I meet someone new I want to be someone that she would never be able to easily find. But as of now I actually have no time to date anyone.
A few things I would advise everyone in this forum is to:
a) Watch âCrazy stupid loveâ, itâs a movie I watched a long time ago but it is really worth it.
b) The estimated world population is 7 Billion! đ
c) We all are homeostasis creatures. We do not like change because we care scared of it but if we try to accept it, it is the best thing ever!
d) Do not bother being friends with your ex unless it has absolutely no emotional impact on you.
e) You need to love yourself first and foremost.
f) You need to be easy on yourself.âThere is always light at the end of a dark tunnel.â
@Martin
Good post. Yeah her last text did make me assume the worst possible situation. Made me think she’s engaged and/or pregnant. Kind of crazy for such a short amount of time after the break up if it’s something that extreme.That’s why I decided no more contact and moving on. I did my part and opened up lines of communication.
I also agree that she might be someone that just needs to be in a relationship out of insecurity. Definitely makes me question if I even really mattered to her. Ah well.
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