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Right now? Its been 5mos since we broke up. And im proud to say moving on. Sorry if i talk like im not helping you guys get your ex back. But the real thing is you have to move on to get them back. In my position is i the best time to decide to get back with them or not. Because i am stable now and i have assesed that she is not healthy for me and the break up has propelled me to greater heights. You will only see what your relationships really brings if you look at it from the outside. Although im out of death’s door and if evwr i text my ex she would respnd casually
Daniel,
You are so right. But I don’t quite understand when you say that ‘the real thing is you have to move on to get them back’ . I feel that if I move on then I will not want to get back with him.
In addition I would like to share an incident that happened recently and I would like someone’s opinion:
I met him by chance about 3 weeks ago and we had a small chit chat. I wasn’t emotional at all and I gave him the impression I am doing things for myself and I am happy. Nevertheless he managed to ruin the whole thing! What I mean is this:
My roommate and friend is also his friend (actually I met him through her). While we were chatting he asked me if I talk to her. I responded: ‘Does it matter?’ And then he goes: ‘You are asking (about me) and I know it’. The truth is I did ask her since I made her telling me that he is seeing someone else. So I assume what must have happened is that she revealed to him that she had to tell me about this other person since I kept asking her.
All these thoughts were running through my head while he was telling me this and all I could think of was that you can trust no one!!! So I told him in the nicest way that he shouldn’t trust her cause I certainly don’t trust her and I left the conversation. What he did though was totally unexpected cause he contacted her on the same day ‘accusing’ her of telling me everything he is telling her which is so not true. I mean what the hell???! She immediately texted me and asking what had happened. It got so messed up! Bottom of line I am now so indifferent to her and I am mad at him! That is why I decided to follow NC for 2 months just to calm down.I would really like your opinion on this!
Many thanks
JuliaJulia,
What Daniel means why “you have to move on to get him back” is that in order for you to get him back you have to acknowledge that you can be happy without him. Theres a big difference between wanting something and needing something. If it’s true what you feel for him you’ll still have it once you reach this point. Then you can contact him without sounding needy and he’ll see that in you. If for whatever reason he doesn’t want to comeback (as it’s happened to some) you have moved on and it won’t break you. Like Daniel suggested, you have to expect the worst so that you don’t loose sanity and above all your sanity is the most important
I had a job interview today…. and did really well and all i can think about is calling to tell him. And i cant. I hate it and i keep thinking about the voicemail that his mother left me. If his family thinks about me all the times does that mean he is too,
Hey all,
Could someone please offer some encouragement? It’s one of these days where I cant stop crying…………………
Thanks,
JuliaHi there Julia
Hang in there girl. I have read your thread and know how tough it is for you. Personally I don’t think there is anything wrong with spending the whole day crying and that’s coming from a guy who still cries regularly. I think media has a lot to answer to for making crying uncool. Its part of the grieving process and is good for you. L.A has hit the nail on the head with what he said in regards to moving on.
“Hope for the best and prepare for the worst” is one of my sayings I hope you get back with your Ex and he makes you happy and you spend the rest of your lives together in bliss but you have to start planning ‘YOUR’ life as if you will never see him again. Start doing things that will make you happy and do things for yourself, not your Ex. If that makes any sense to you.
If you are feeling real bad trying doing something that will take your mind off things even if it is only for a hour or so. During the first 2 months of my breakup I watched a lot of movies and TV. Sometimes I would just zone out and wouldn’t really pay attention to what was going on in the movie, but it was there and help take my mind of things even if for a brief time.
Don’t be afraid to share with either us on the forum or a close friend/family member on how you are feeling. MY best friend was gold during that initial period. I lost a lot of my social circle with the breakup, but one friend who has been my bestie for over 20 years stuck by me even know him and his wife have a 10month old baby and it was inconvenient for him
Marie – Great work on doing the job interview and I know how it feels when something exciting happens in your life and your initial reaction is tell the one who is closest to your heart. It does suck that you cant share those moments for now, but stay focused 🙂
Steve,
Thank you so much for your response.
It is indeed the hardest thing. I know what I am supposed to do and trust me I am doing all these things. But there are some times when you just can’t help it and you feel like drowning simply because you so miss someone.
I also feel bit of frustrated cause it’s been almost 3 and a half months and at times I feel like I am back to square one and made no progress. Well my NC started only a month ago and I have an additional one. Fortunately I have an amazing friend as well and she is helping through this process so much.
Thank you for you support. Means a lot!
Julia
Julia…. one thing that has helped me is writing letters to him without sending. I still cry every day also. Just try to find time to laugh. I still struggle a lot but someone told me to hold on because when you get that text from your loved one it will all almost be worth all the pain… or when you wake up stronger one day.
Marie0713,
Yeah I wrote as well many letters during the first couple of weeks.
There are indeed some days that I really feel determined and some others where I say to myself ‘ Why bother? He doesn’t’. But I guess we will have to go through this hell if we need to become stronger..Julia,
If you feel like crying just let it out cry until your eyes run dry. It helps a lot. Its okay to acknowledge your feelings rather than suppressing it. You will get tired eventually. Know that this shall pass it takes a lot of time but it will be over in time. Do something be with friends or keep moving. Its hard but you have to force yourself. We can give you all the advice and support but you have to help yourself. Just remember that you have a family here. Stay strong and goodluck!Daniel,
Your support means a lot to me.
I do force myself and I do a lot of things with friends, going out, hobbies, exercising. I guess I was doing so many things lately and all this suppressed despair and pain just came out today after a very long time. I will be better tomorrow 😉Thank you so much!
Julia,
Yes it will be better tomorrow!For the first 3mos i hated mornings so much. You know why? Because id miss her. I go thinking automatically that “its another day without her i wish she comes back because its very painful” like i dont have a choice but feel that way every morning. Im shaking and feeling sad. But after that life goes on. Therr is more to life than love. So what you’re feeling is pretty normal just think of it as a part of a process. Or a big plan. I hope when you get back togethwr he makes you happy and understand your flaws even better. I wish you the best!
Hey guys
I have a question. I’ve been with my ex for 10 years and we got engaged 5 months ago and we broke up it’s been almost two months. I’m on NC but looks like he is too. It’s been a month. Is it a bad sign that he hasn’t text or call me yet? He still insists on his decision even his family and our friends couldn’t talked him out of it. The reason he said for the break up was that we fight a lot. Which is true but not entirely. He said to everyone that we are not each other’s person. And he even told me that he will never ever gonna comeback to this horrible relationship. Of course our relationship was not horrible but the best. But he’s convinced that we are not good together.
Anyway he hasn’t contact me in annnny ways. Yesterday(his bd which I didn’t text him cause of the NC),after a month of NC he even told a friend who didn’t know about our break up that our relationship is done. To me it looks like he hasn’t got cold feted about the break up and he is really trying to move on.
You should know that during these years we’ve never been broken up even for one day cause he always said that if a relationship stay broken up more than a week or two, then you should never get back. Considering the time we’ve been apart now, I don’t have hope at all. His mom told me he comes back home after work and then to the gym and then straight back home. Means he’s alone and it not the gig issu. He’s trying to move on and I donno what to do? Any advice guys?Morvarid,
If your ex’s thinking is like that and you know that he is the person who stat true to what he believes and says then i guess he is not really trying to come back instead he is moving on. Try to contact him after NC just test the waters if he will still respond.
I wish you get back together. 10yrs is not easy to build nor easy to forget. Goodluck out there!
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