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Hey Everyone,
From what I have been doing, I am a bit worried that I have given my ex the thought that I have moved on.
Also what is moving on exactly?
– Is it never wanting her back?
– Having her actions not effect you?This is what I feel…
– I can only accept that I may never get her back after a certain amount of time as, as long as there is hope; this is pretty much impossible.
– I can created a whole new social dynamics and I am enjoying being single…I have been going out every weekend and having new experiences.
– If I might never get her back it would effect me a little but I know I would not crash and crumble; i’d just continue my life as though she never existed.
No matter what, I would still want her back but I do not need her back.Hello Martin, just checking in again and after keeping an eye on this forum it seems like you are doing pretty well and have a much more positive outlook which is great.
As i have mentioned before, it seems like our situations have been fairly similar.. The thing is, during January I was at a place where i felt i could move on, I was feeling happy and confident and i was thinking that if i dont get my ex back that i would still be ok but i fear this was because i thought she was single as well……
But then I found out that she was seeing someone else and I came crashing back down again and I feel lonely and I have lost hope after she told me “they were planning a future together and she has never been happier”….it was a real kick in the nuts and I am now struggling to feel positive and happy again. It doesnt seem like a rebound and it doesnt seem like gigs. he is 34 and looks like he wants to settle and Im pretty sure she does too.
At the moment, I feel like this other guy has pretty much stolen my life. I keep thinking of my ex with him, telling him all the stuff she used to tell me when we were happy together, cuddling up with him and the cat we bought up from a kitten for 2 and half years and sleeping in the same bed we shared, moaning about me to him.
I cant believe i didnt even get a second chance to turn things around (not a 3rd, not a 4th….JUST A SECOND CHANCE) and show her things would be better after a break which we needed…..I never got that second chance and its tearing me up inside because i know a lot of couples that have got back together after breaks….. why cant we? why dont i get a second chance at things??
I still cant understand how someone can just do that after 3 years together….pretty much swap the love they had(or at least showed) from one person to another just like that, its like the last 3 years have been erased from her life and memory??
I dont see her anymore as she is in a different city but i cant seem to stop myself thinking about her and also the memories, especially the memories of holidays together and summer. I am actually dreading summer for the first time of my life. I am 32 years old, always had a really good and active social life but my main group of friends are all pretty much married now and starting to have kids so i feel i am going to be lonely this summer – a time when i have always had fun, a time that for the last couple of years was spent with my ex doing exciting things whenever we had time off work. I have always been picky when it comes to girls i want to have a relationship with and I feel I am going to be even more picky now….comparing new girls i meet with my ex.
I just wish i could feel better again and I’m worried at how long I am going to feel this way. The thing is after everything that has happened now, I know it would never be the same if we did get back together but for some reason I still crave that second chance to make things right.
I am making the decision today to restart NC so that I can fully move on. No plans to get back together. No dreams of randomly falling in love again down the road. No wanting to be friends, its obvious he doesn’t want that with me. Nothing ever again with him, complete closure putting the past away. I will definitely struggle, but I want to be done with all the unknown. It isn’t fair to either of us, and the past year of my life has been a rollercoaster of crazy fun love and complete and utter heartbreak. Maybe I needed that to get my life moving in the right direction again. Now it is time to focus on me and the immediate dreams I want to work towards. Day 1 of NC, going to go until I don’t remember what day I am on and then I am going to walk away from all of this and not hurt anymore.
@Tommys83 I’m sorry you are feeling down again. It’s such a roller coaster most of the time isn’t it? I feel the same, all of my friends are married and have kids, it’s weird to be the only “free” one, and kind of lonely. I think it speaks to your good character that you have the desire for another shot to make things right.
@knitterz Most of us here have had to restart NC. It’s tough. You must be hurting right now. I remember when I decided that I wanted to move on, and the feeling was devastating. It hurts to decide to walk away from someone. You have to do what you need for yourself and your well being though. I hope things get better for you soon and the hurt lessens quickly.I’m in a weird mood today everyone. I saw in the bank account that my ex paid to ship a package. I really hope it’s nothing coming to me. I don’t know what he would even send but I’m feeling on edge. Separation agreement? Divorce papers? A cobra? Anthrax? I don’t know. I’m trying not to think about it. Then, I was contacted about my 10 yr. high school reunion. That alone makes me want to vomit. I hated high school and the thought of a reunion coming up has given me mixed feelings. I didn’t sleep well last night and I’m sore from yesterday’s workout, so I’m feeling pretty beat up. Just a weird emotional day today. I don’t know what my deal is. :/
Hey guys, still holding up here. What you think of this message to her?:
Hi (name)!
It’s been over a month since we last met in your place and that we haven’t spoken to each other and you seem to be going strong and happy. I have been studying and started running again and I honestly took some time to think about the things that happened in our relationship and after and I actually realise that we needed some “fixing” in the relationship we had. We were having some fights (little, big, doesn’t matter), some misunderstandings, some arguments and disagreements and we should have talked through the issues, not me just trying to make it all fine and happy and not you ignoring me and letting it all on me. Not me just going to be with you, everything was happy and fine but we needed to talk, because I know the feelings were there and we let it reach a bad point. And you know that it was never for the sex only. The distance never helped and probably that’s why it had this ending, even after all the years and all we had together. But anyway, I wanna let you know that I wish you the best, hope you get through your exams now and get in the university you want and all that. What we had was the strongest, I think you are aware of it, and I know it wasn’t always easy to be with me and I know you deserve happiness and I’m sorry for anything not so good that I’ve done. Things were said and done, mainly before I left, maybe only to comfort me and make me feel better, things that maybe I will never understand but I can’t wish you bad.
If you ever want to talk or anything at all, you know where to find me. I won’t pretend you don’t exist just because you are my ex. You know that besides the love relationship we had, we were the best of friends too.I don’t really plan or want to have her back. Just want to let something of my shoulders.
I am so angry right now…his new girlfriend texted me a bunch of profanity and said “stop texting MY boyfriend” omg wtf is wrong with this girl. She is really going to go through his phone and then have the audacity to text me from it? Like really rude things. And he lets her control his life? He HATES controlling and jealous girls and I feel like if he knew she was doing this he wouldn’t be very happy about it. I sent him a facebook message to let him know to not allow her to contact me again as I find this is really disrespectful, so she sends me back “nah nah I’m on his facebook too!” How immature is this girl really? I’m so pissed at him he would allow this creature to get in between us, even as friends, but I also feel a bit better she is obviously so jealous and immature as it can’t last long between them if this continues. I only hope he finds the texts and facebook messages she sent me and sees how rude she is being. She just told me he approved of the stuff she is sending me and handed her his phone. I am so angry right now, I literally already decided I never wanted him in my life again so why is all of this necessary? I don’t understand.
Do you think it is worth sending her a letter if she is with someone? I personally don’t. I would make my life a mystery to my ex.
You are absolutely right, we are in the same boat. But I do think your ex could be in a rebound/GIGs as she probably does not want to bear the pain of loneliness. There is no pain greater than loneliness.
When I dated my ex, I was her everything and gave her everything she needed. I never allowed her to feel low, always protected her and was always there for her. 2 months after ending our serious relationship she got off when this new guy she has been grooming for a while. Last night I found out that they have started watching this tv show called “castle”. I feel completely replaced as watching tv shows like that was our thing…the last one we watched together was “the mentalist”…and both are really similar :O.
Anyway I felt a bit unstable last night and a bit today morning…but eventually held myself together. I am not hopeful that we will ever get together; but I do know that if she ever comes back I would take her back and restart the relationship without talking about the what happened during the break. If she doesn’t then that is with then, I would never be her friend and we would just end up as strangers. I do not have to bear the regret as it was not my decision to break up with her; it was her’s as the dumper.
Hey Everyone,
My ex Facebook messaged me last night saying “It’s good to hear you are getting along well”. I opened the message after a while but did not respond back. She would know that I have read the message. So should i respond back or ignore it?
@Martin I don’t really care anymore. I’ll just write her that to get a weight off my shoulders. She moved on for some reason, I went on her fb today and her cover photo is a picture of her boyfriends car and I’m like…ok. She still has pictures I took of her wearing my shirt and some flowers I gave her and comments and what not. I don’t care anymore. I waited too long for her and she didn’t even respect my feelings or something. Don’t know what she became, to be quite honest. Hope Karma bites her in the ass one day. Bitch…
Im that angry right now.
Hey everyone today I want to post about a friend of mine who’s more than likely a rebound for someone and it’s very insightful. Gave me some hope and hopefully makes some of you feel better about your ex’s seemingly blissful new relationships.
He started talking to a girl who’s been single for a month, she ended a year and 1/2 relationship. They hung out twice and are already a couple! She’s constantly needing reassurance saying she never liked anyone as much as she likes him and is worried he’ll leave. She keeps harping on that and it’s confusing him but he loves the desire she’s displaying. This is no way normal for someone who’s been single for a while and being cautious. She’s pushing things along way too quick and he doesn’t notice it. I don’t have the heart to tell him because he’s a lonely guy and has been wanting “love” I merely advised he be careful because she seems off.
But this has opened my eyes as to why our exes who have found someone so soon appear to be extremely happy.
Wait till you get to the acceptance stage and then send the letter I guess…just make sure you would not do anything you would regret later.
Thanks for sharing that with us. I know my ex sped up the relationship quite quickly but they only tend to meet during the weekends due to work etc.
Next week she might return home….I really can’t predict what could happen.Everyone,
My ex facebook messaged me yesterday evening saying “It is good to hear that you are getting on well”.
Should I respond back or ignore?
@Martin
First check in with yourself. How do you feel? Confidence up or down? If down ignore it until you’re feeling better.If it were me I’d take it as an opportunity to be playful in an indifferent way but! That’s just my normal attitude and can only work if you’re feeling really good.
My question is, why did she send that? From fb posts and she’s making an assumption or?
She broke her phone 2 days ago. She asked a question and I only responded yeah. Then yesterday she sends that.
How I feel fluctuates here and there. There are times I feel good but tonight I feel a bit low.
@Martin
Wait till you’re feel great and you’ll know what to say if you even decide to respond. I don’t know you or your personality but it could be a way to say what your friend suggests with a little added playful enthusiasm. Or just keep it super casual and indifferent.I messaged what my friend told me to.
Me: thanks, I hope you are well too.
Her: I have not had time to send the phone yet but probably tomorrow. Yeah I am doing fine, glad things are working for you.
Me: let me know if you need any help.
Her: Same to you, I am really sorry I did not help you when you moved to London and were having problems. You can reply on me in the future.
I am on nc day 22 (round 4). I kept anything personal out of the conversation. What should I do now?
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