-
Posts
-
Wow guys I really admire you all for your faith while your exes are already with someone else! I really mean it. I would have probably started looking for a way to find someone of my own even of its for A way to move on, a stepping stone. Easier said than done, but yes. My ex is not with anyone else, and that is the reason I am still in the race. I have read of some of your cases where your exes hook up with someone shortly after the break up, and I believe either the new ones were already doing rounds and your exes knew they had an option or were already looking “out there”, specially in those cases that the ex is very insecure and irresponsible. I mean, they can be attractive, but no one is that attractive to hook up so fast, so strong. Again, its my opinion.
As for my V Day strategy, I can say ist working. The flower arrangement thing got him all mad and jealous. I had to handle that one very carefully to avoid him from cancelling our date. We had dinner at home (he loves my cooking,my brownies and sangría),went to the play, had a great time and laughed so hard at the play. Then we went home, talked a lot and then I got carried away and kissed him on the cheek. He froze. After the awkward moment I apologized, and then he told me he was strugglimg because he still felt like an idiot doing things with me when I hurt him so much, etc. He still has too much pride and anger. I replied that I completely understood the way he feels because thats exactly the way I felt when I decided to break up,etc. but that sonce we have been apart I have worked with myself in many areas and taken back my life as it was before we fell in this grudge. He admitted that I look happier,sexier, and more succesful now (a thing that makes him angry too). He told me that he still does not know if to give us a chance, and that also he has to solve other things in his life (job, music, etc related) Long story short, I told him that Id best not talk to him for a while so I dont hamper his decision process. He freaked out and told me that to do that will give break for me to be more available and the “flower guy” to make his move. (???) I asked him then why we dont stop this nosense and start over, at a slow pace. He keeps clinging to his hurt story and that he fears I would dump him again. I said I have done many things to prove I wont, and that he knew I have many choices:leave for florida,etc and still here I was planning V Day celebrations and all. In the end, I said I wouldnt talk to him again, and ended the conversation as I had an appointment. After a couple of hours he called back and told me that he was sorry the conversation ended abruptly, and that he would have a conversation with me later. That was yesterday 2 pm. He did not call back yesterday nor today.
I am planning to keep from calling until he reaches out, do you guys think Im right on this one?
Thanks for the answer @ThePhoenix but it doesn’t feel like a rebound, they’ve been friends for a long time, it’s not just something totally new that’s sprung up.
Also NC ends for me week after next. But next week she has mock exams and will likely be wanting support and care. I wondered if there’s any benefit to sending the letter early given that she might appreciate it? (for context we started no contact on good terms)
@Nell it wouldn’t bother me about him not responding so much if it wasn’t for the fact that for the first 5 months of being broken up we never went this long not talking. Ever. We never went more than like maybe 4-5 days. Even when he saw his rebound girl, he still talked to me a decent amount. When I did NC with him before, he would show up on my doorstep or would call 10+ times in a row and text every single day. Even when he claimed to be completely over us just two weeks before this new girl, I accidentally blocked his number and later found out he had texted me every single day to try and start a conversation and missed me a ton. I feel like this girl came along too late to be a rebound and the fact he is ok with not speaking to me at all when literally right before he met this girl he was telling me he would be heartbroken to not be my friend makes me scared he is totally over me now. He wouldn’t even look at me when I was in his work, he turned his back on me even though it was obvious I wasn’t going to speak to him.
I think I am honestly more upset right now about losing my best friend than I am about losing my lover. I bet some of you know how I feel, you love someone that much that losing them in every little way is too hard to think about. At the end of the day I do want what is best for him and what makes him happy, so if me not being in his life is what makes him happy I guess I just have to walk away and let him be happy. Ugh, its hard, I never thought I would love someone this way. I have always been an extremely selfish person at the core because I have been the only person in my life to take care of me and look out for me. My ex is literally the only person I have ever met who has truly made me feel like I care more about someone than myself. Not in an unhealthy way, just in that I have never put someone before myself before. Day 7 NC, I don’t think I will be contacting him for a while and that’s ok. I just miss my best friend.
@Martin Thanks, that’s a good idea and I think you are right. I’m going to look into it, but honestly, I don’t think he has good enough friends to do that!
@ThePhoenix I’m glad you got some rest and are feeling better. I’m doing well, thanks!
@confusedbutok I usually am. Jk 😉 I’m glad she responded. Don’t forget; You = logical your ex = emotional. She’s going to do a lot of stuff that isn’t going to make sense. You are operating on her time now, unfortunately. She’ll do things in her own time and as she feels it’s right. Did you send her the message you posted about frostbite and what not? After that, I wouldn’t message for at least a week unless she messages you first.
@Carmine828 I think it’s a little funny that your ex fell for the flower bit. 🙂 I’d agree with you and think it’s best to wait until you hear from him. He put the ball in his own court by saying he would call. I wish you the best. I hope he stops holding back and comes around soon.@ThePhoenix – Thank you for what you said about the infatuation stage. I need to remind myself of that. Less than 2 months after our out of the blue break up (where he had said he does love me and wants to be with me but not to hold him to anything. Though now he has blocked me on facebook and said he is done talking to me 🙁 ), he is already with someone and super happy. Took her on a romantic valentines day trip too. It is breaking my heart, just when I thought I couldn’t hurt anymore. I keep hoping its a rebound but then I think about them so happy together and it seems like its more than a rebound. While it could be something more, I need to remind myself that this is the honeymoon stage & if he really did mean it when he said he did love me, hopefully he will realize it and come back.
On the other hand I’m scared that I’m giving myself false hope. I have a feeling we will be together in the future be it a year, two years, whatever, but I don’t know if I’m trying to convince myself of that or if it really is intuition.*sorry for my ignorance but without reading all 107 pages of this thread – what is GiGs?
We broke up 2 weeks ago, but I’ve only been NC with her for 1 week cus she’s tried texting me after she broke it off. I didn’t want to seem like I was bitter or having a hard time…in fact I wanted to convey that my life was great! So I did respond to her a little. Now I’m totally NC…what bothers me though is that she has stopped trying to text (for now at least), but she is snap chatting me. I have not opened a single one of her snap chats, but she continues to keep snapping me. I don’t know why! But I guess it’s just a sign that she doesn’t want me to forget her…I only hope that sign turns into her wanting to get back together. Time will tell.
@Nell
I did send that. To my surprise she responded saying thank you and that her work office was only 59 degrees. I then asked how work has been, she said “very good and snow lol” so I then said “it snows in the office? Weird :p Surprised you haven’t just been working from home” (because she has that option)She never responded to that. I hate when she just stops lol.
Hey guys,
My ex contacted me just now asking me if she still has her phone insurance (she cracked her screen); I replied back answering the question and advised her to give it to a professional to get it fixed as well as providing her with the details of one.
I did that because it was me who bought her that phone and kind of hurts if it is replaced.
Does this mean I have broken NC or can I continue?
There was nothing personal exchanged.
@Martin
You should have said “look you didn’t have to crack your phone screen just to have a reason to talk to me 😉Lol kidding. I don’t think it means you broke NC I mean it was something pertaining to a bond you both had. Kind of like how NC is applied to people who have kids.
I’d say you’re good.
hahaha thanks!! ok that is good news. I did however send the exact same message on Facebook as well. She first messaged me on Google hangouts, I replied on there…then saw her status update on Facebook and PMed her there too (copy-paste).
Day 8. Woke up really early after having a horrible nightmare and felt extremely extremely angry towards my ex. Went back to sleep, dreamed he was my prince charming of sorts in this really weird dream. Woke up, now I don’t really know what I’m feeling. A bit sad, a bit numb, a bit done with him and this crap. I am just going to focus on work today and try and not think about him or any of this.
I hope everyone is doing well today!
@HeatherJane82 You’re welcome. Something we have to bear in mind is that we may be tricking ourselves into thinking they appear happy. And let’s not forget they try to rush the new relationship in order to fill the void created from old one. In my particular case, this new relationship they have have rebounding on both sides… that just screams trouble in my eyes in the future. I know I thought that at first they seemed happy but it clicked that it’s all a ruse. I’ve known my ex for over 15 years: growing up together our paths would cross a lot, 2 years as best friends before dating and 5 years after that in an intimate relationship. I literally know her on every level, good and bad, even if she’d like to debate that. She is doing her best to give off the impression that she’s happy enough and to any person that doesn’t know her well she would truly appear that way (this includes her family as she’s more of a black sheep). But her facial expressions in pictures betray her, especially the eyes and fake smile, and her lack of personal involvement with the rebound say otherwise. She is an incredibly animated girl and it’s almost like it’s not there at all in this new relationship. Very, very mild and complacent almost… meanwhile this rebound girl is obsessing horribly. Very one sided.
To give a brief rundown of my story, I was working toward proposing to my ex this year. I feel she misinterpreted my intentions as she had no clue about the proposal and interpreted my actions as me being “too involved” and “too into” the relationship, as she put it. She gave me a plethora of excuses like she was grasping for straws with breaking up, despite telling me things were good about a month before the split. I have no doubt that she has a bad case of GIGs (grass is greener syndrome).
Essentially the dumper with GIGs think there might be better things out there, even if things were going well in the relationship before they ended it and want to see if there are greener pastures. It’s just something they have to get out of their system and either find out the grass is greener elsewhere or not (and more often it’s not at all). More often than not they come back in time realizing they’ve made a mistake, regret it, and miss what they had. But at that point the dumpee has most likely moved on.
Your ex sounds like mine in that regard: GIGs
Hope that helped some!
@ThePhoenix I just don’t know what to believe anymore. I miss him so much. 30 days of NC is nowhere near enough for my case. I need to let the new relationship play out and hopefully end soon. I am terrified that he won’t come back even if it does end. My head knows I deserve better than the way he has treated me but my heart refuses to listen. We were talking marriage and kids. It took me 7 years to find someone that I click with again on such a deep level after my first love and even though we were only together 7 months, I truly believed he was the one.
I don’t know how to deal with the pain in the meantime though. I know time will help but it keeps getting worse. I don’t know how he could just move on so quickly and not even care. Oh I’m sure some little part of him cares but you don’t do this to the person you love, or claimed you did.Broke NC like an idiot. I don’t understand why we can’t even be friends. Its killing me. He is one of my best friends, my soul mate. Even if we never get back together in our entire lives I miss our friendship so so so much. I miss my friend 🙁
@HeatherJane82 I know it’s tough, hon. We all miss our exes, even if they did some pretty crappy things. It’s hard when you’ve planned a future only to be told “yeah, not gonna happen anymore.” But people really don’t move on that quickly and I’ve been told the above by my ex multiple times now (but she came back every time).
It’s normal for humans to want to avoid or get past something that has caused any sort of pain. When you get a cold all you want is to be better again. But when you’re healthy you take it for granted. When you get a bad cold again, you remember to be thankful for your health. It’s no different than emotional things like a break up. You want the pain to go away, but with all things it takes time to heal.
No, you don’t do things like this to someone you love but we all do things we regret at times, even with love. We don’t mean to hurt those we care about but sometimes it just happens, even if we go out of our way to try to ensure it doesn’t happen.
@knitterz I know where you’re coming from and I’m so sorry to hear that you’re hurting. You’re not an idiot, you’re hurt. Be gentle with yourself. My ex is also one of my best friends and I consider her my soul mate too… and she felt the same way. But the way I see it, if time and space is what could be the best gift I give her at this moment, even if it may potentially be the last one I ever give, then I will gladly give it. For me, the important gifts I gave were usually intangible: love, kindness, an abundance of forgiveness, patience, understanding, and absolute loyalty. It’s harder to give those things when you’re hurting, but I think it makes you a better person in the long run.Everyone,
Stay strong and keep your head up, stay busy, find something you enjoy and do it if you feel down. Find a project to start or a new hobby. Go out with friends or family. Keep a gratitude journal. Find inspirational quotes/pictures and put them up where you’ll see them often. For me, my friend gave me a plaque of a quote from Winnie the Pooh (not my thing, but the message means a lot to me and empowers me): “Promise me you’ll always remember: you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” It’s beside my apt door so I see it several times every day and it really sends a message. Hang in there! We’ll get trough this.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.