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Posts
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@Nell
I’m sure they are thinking of you during NC. Some people like myself have this problem where everywhere you go reminds you of your ex. If you and your ex had great times together and went everywhere together than I’m sure they’re thinking of you. I wish I could transform some of my depression into anger like you. Today is definitely the hardest day. I’ve been crying like a baby all day and I still have to go to work. They say it gets easier but I swear it seems like it’s only getting harder…@kevinsmusicrox same here. We did go everywhere together, did everything you can imagine together, this includes dates, sex, moments at home, everywhere…but i really doubt she ever thinks about me considering she’s with someone else and seems so happy and it makes me sick. I wanna make this sadness into anger but…i just feel like crying here like a baby too. I fucking miss her and I thought i was getting better. And i was, i was lesser sad day by day…until today. I still love her like before.
Sorry guys, if im writing too much.
I feel you guys. I have to admit, after my NC period and brief text exchanges on “friendly terms” I think it’s making healing worse. If she doesn’t respond it takes its toll on me and I’m left feeling, do I text again?! Stop trying to contact? Maybe going NC is the ultimate solution? I don’t know.
Too bad we can’t somehow get a glimpse into their minds so see if they’re thinking about us as well.
Happy Valentine’s Day all! I hope everyone has done their best to keep their chin up.
For me, it’s been 65 days since the breakup and 22 days since last contact. The most sent would be a brief message about something like her getting her things, which she still has not done or gotten back to me about. Not my problem anymore and I will not be responding to her about it should she ask again.
Ex’s new relationship has lasted a week thus far to my knowledge, unhappy as it may look on my ex’s end. Ironic it started a week before Vday and the day after I made a post about visiting a friend (old long distance ex) this summer. I find it a little sad that my ex is now a rebound in a rebound relationship, but probably hasn’t rationally realized it yet. Both parties involved are rebounding hard honestly and it’s like watching two trains about to hit head on.
Despite all of this, I came across something interesting:
I’ve done a lot of reading up on GIGs (grass is greener syndrome) and my ex seems to fit it to a tee. It’s a comfort to know she truly is just confused and thinking there might be better out there (and boy, oh, boy did her naive little sister help to push her on that with reasoning that she might regret not seeing what else is out there; ironically, her sister neglected to mention that she might regret leaving as well). From what I’ve read, most dumpers with GIGs really start to realize the grass is not greener after a few months of strict NC. Reconciliation is possible, but more often than not when the GIGs dumper realizes how good they had it and want to come back the dumpee has moved on already. Dumpee has had time to heal and dumper never really did deal with the breakup, so it hits the dumper pretty hard.
I guess for me I miss my old ex, before she started to get squirrely, started lying shamelessly again, became insecure and confused about everything, compromised her standards soooo very much, and played the victim. The person I see she is now is just… very disappointing. I almost feel like she’s dead to me and our friends look at her mostly with disgust (her actions have not been tasteful). They say she’ll be back in time once she realizes what she had with me. I’m sure she will, but it will probably be too little too late.
@Nell They are still thinking of us, like others have said. I know my ex has at least one reminder daily. She took the coffee maker I gave her for our 4th anniversary together with her when she moved out. She’s a big coffee drinker and I’m sure it crosses her mind daily. We also did just about everything together. Ex is unable to take care of herself, so I’m sure she misses that as well and certainly will when she gets sick/run down– and she looks like she’s constantly run down these days from what I’ve heard. And let’s not forget the dog she adopted that I fought in her favor with the landlords about her getting, despite my better judgement. There’s also the matter of me giving her her first tattoo… good luck not seeing that everyday and thinking about it! Heh. I could go on, but it’d be impossible to just forget and move on so quick, especially after a long term relationship.@knitterz I think that part is almost as hard as the breakup itself. I keep asking myself how I could be so blind, so stupid? I think it’s a good sign your ex texted you. You are definitely on his mind. I think that is something good that came out of that experience. I think letting him dangle and not answering him is a good idea.
@kevinsmusicrox I agree and in my logical mind know that to be true. I don’t really worry too much about if he is thinking of me or not anymore. I’m just having regrets about all I did for him and he didn’t appreciate it. I know anger seems like a better place to be than depression, but it isn’t fun either. It’s exhausting. I can’t wait until I’ve mostly moved on and don’t have any deep or emotional reactions anymore.
@confusedbutok I know how you feel. I felt better when I was in NC, but having interaction or lack thereof afterwards left me feeling like garbage.
@ThePhoenix Hey! She still hasn’t gotten her stuff yet? I’ve been wondering for some time if my ex isn’t having Gigs. One thing he told me during the breakup was that he was having fantasies of being alone or being with someone else. Wtf? Some friends and family that I’ve spoken to, don’t know what gigs is, but seem to think along those lines. They all think he thinks he is better off and will soon come to a harsh realization. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it would make sense. He’s always been envious of other people, situations, etc. Most of his friends are single, I could see him thinking it’s really great and better than being with me. I’d be interested in what you think about that. I’ve already decided I don’t want him back, so if he has a change of heart, well, he’s screwed!@Nell Nope, not yet. I’m thinking it’s one of her idiotic failsafes. She has to have a plan for everything because she has come to expect failure and disappointment at every turn. I’m guessing this is a way for her to avoid getting her stuff when she comes running back [again]. Sounds like my ex though too– everyone thinking they think they’re better off but will hit the ground face first. -rolls eyes-
Sounds like he’s got GIGs to me. I’m of a more rational mindset and work hard in life. I don’t see the point in running to supposed greener pastures when I have two good hands and a strong back to do the labor myself. But everyone is different I suppose and some want things in the here and now instead of doing the leg work. -shrug-
Honestly it sounds like the majority of us are better off, but that could be the booze talking.
I want to say hi to you all and wish you a happy Valentine’s Day. I’m new here; I wish I had found this site sooner!! My ex bf broke up with me in December. We were together as a couple for five months bur we’ve known each other for many years, since college. Of course I made all the mistakes after the breakup but I have been doing NC for about the past three weeks. I still miss him and love him but I don’t feel as desperate as before. I have been reading the boards today… It has kept me from torturing myself on facebook! Thank you all and I wish you all the best.
@cc
Welcome! The post breakup deal definitely is challenging to us dumpees but you’ll take away from it learning experiences and insights. Of course it doesn’t cure the fact we want our exes back :-/ lolI could use some input, my last contact with my ex was Wednesday via text (On good friendly terms) where she stopped responding. Today in my neck of the woods we got hit with a blizzard and I’m tempted to send her a quick text asking how she’s holding out in this weather. Bad idea?
Well, I can honestly say I probably screwed up last night. I ended up messaging her this:
“Hi Alanna, I acted like a real jerk the last time we spoke. The truth is, I was on my phone waaay too much when I should’ve been paying more attention to you. Sometimes I’d look at stupid things, but there’s no excuse for that. I never meant to be condescending when we hung out, but in your eyes I was. I’m sorry for hurting you so bad. I’ve been straying far away from those things on my phone, gonna start counseling soon and have been watching my mouth before I speak to people. I’ve even been putting my phone down!! By the way, have you seen Better Call Saul yet? They actually said Walter and Jesse might be in season 2 after all!! Anyways, if you ever wanna smoke or even want some company, let me know”.
Only about 9 days of NC, and I got weak… No response. I didn’t ask her out, show up at her door, call her or give her a present. I just wanted her to know in detail that I’m sorry for my actions and am currently fixing them whether she wants to reconcile or not. Hopefully she’ll think it over. She’s gotta be missing me a little though. She couldn’t get enough of me and now she cut me loose cold turkey… All I can do is cry, restart NC, pray and “try” to live life…@kevinsmusic
Don’t sweat it. In my experience I realized an apology is more for your own soul rather than for someone else. I bet it felt good to write it out and send, but the anxiety of wanting/waiting for a response diminishes the good nobility of it.I don’t know your relationship but I wouldn’t have mentioned the smoking bit, it’s just an invite to see you in her eyes. Better to have left that out and be completely neutral. But then again I don’t know her or your past relationship it could be seen differently in her eyes.
She always wanted to smoke with me but I was never into it until after she left. I said that because if she still has any feelings for me, maybe that would be a way for us to meet up and talk… She was obsessed with me before the break up… That’s why I have to believe she’s still thinking about me and considering getting back together… We’ve been separated before but never this long.. My dad even told me not to expect a response, so I didn’t. I don’t regret sending it, I just hope she realizes that we were meant to be and that I have always and will always be there for her.. (Not in a needy way)… What should I do now just restart NC? It seems like there’s nothing to do but that…
Just restart NC. My ex was obsessed with me too, sometimes more than me, i thought and she ended up being with someone else in a matter of weeks after we ended…and it still lasts. Take it with a grain of salt.
@archola
There’s a good possibility they’re rebounding though. I hear some rebounds can last for a few months and almost NEVER last. I’ll be heart broken if I find out my ex becomes close with another man but if it happens this soon I’ll know it’s nothing real. Still hurts of course. To be honest my ex was beautiful but didn’t have many friends.. Not trying to be mean but if people aren’t willing to hang out with her… Maybe she’ll miss me.. I know this sounds really fucked up but the last time this happened she was stranded and needed my help. We lasted for several months after that..@kevinsmusic
Lucky for you, my ex’s friends only bad mouthed me lol pertaining to money! They felt I should have paid for everything. My ex would defend me but that doesn’t mean they’re going to make it easy for her to ever take me back.@kevinsmusicrox Yeah, i gave up thinking it’s a rebound. Its almost 3 months and they seem happy for what I read and etc. I need to move on and if eventually is a rebound I’ll know. If you can read my messages before you see I’ve been hurt like hell too and you can see how she acted with me and she was really obsessed with me and suddenly…yeah.
Hang in there mate and I wish you all happiness. If it’s with her, even better.
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