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Posts
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@Nell I am feeling a bit better. Its only 4 days into actual NC, we haven’t truly spoken about anything other than bills and our apartment in a month now. He still doesn’t care at all. I doubt he even remembers or cares its our anniversary. We broke up five months ago. Last time we were truly spending time together, the first week in January, he cried and said he would be heartbroken if we didn’t stay friends, then he immediately met this girl and completely cut me out of his life 100%. He probably wouldn’t care if I died right now. I just don’t know what happened to him, he was never like this to me even after our nasty post breakup fights or when he was with the other girl he dated after me. I guess this one isn’t a rebound. When we met, we both agreed we had never felt this way about anyone before and it was a bond we had. What if he feels that way towards me, making it easy to completely forget about me?
Today I had to go into his work to buy something for my business. We had spoken a couple months ago and he said he wouldn’t mind if I had to stop into the store if I needed to buy anything. I still attempted to stay on the opposite end of the store as him, but what I needed was unfortunately right where his station is. One of his coworkers who used to be really nice to me immediately started chatting to him on the radio so every single employee (about 20 people+) heard I was in there and started following me and staring. It was awful, I was so embarrassed. I didn’t go in there for him at all, in fact if I could have bought that item without having to drive 20 minutes to the next city over I would have gone some place else. Its not my fault he works a 5 minute walk from our apartment; in fact thats why we moved here, for HIM. Ugh, it was so dumb. Guess I can’t even shop in my own city without being treated like crap because of him. What did he tell these people for them to become so hostile towards me when all I wanted was to buy something really quickly?
@Nell
I don’t know if things seemed to be moving fast, but she was definitely pursuing me more than any other woman I was talking to at the time.She told me I believe couple months in that she knew right away I was the one she wanted. She also wanted me to move in about three months in, which I thought was fast but her friends were even referring to it and even asked me if I was going to. Maybe that’s a norm for them? I told her let’s give it a year which seemed more reasonable to me.
She always kept bringing up how there was something about me and she felt instantly I was perfect for her etc. so I don’t know if it’s true or rebound? Lol. She had been single for three months before me and was dating a lot according to her and even blew off the guys she was in contact with still for me.
Very confusing and she still hasn’t responded to my last text on Wednesday, leaves me wondering if I try contacting again or waiting indefinitely for her to initiate since now we’re on “good terms”
@Nell
Hey so after my NC I was thinking of sending this to my ex. You seem very knowledgable so I was hoping I could get your opinion!! Before I went NC we had a big argument so I wanted to start with an apology but was questionable about the length?? Please give me your opinion!!“Hi Alanna, I acted like a real jerk the last time we spoke. I was angry and I’m sorry for the mean things I said. The truth is, I was on my phone waaay too much when I should’ve been paying more attention to you. Sometimes I’d look at stupid things, but there’s no excuse for that. I never meant to be condescending when we hung out, but in your eyes I was. This time apart has let me think much more clearly. By the way, have you seen Better Call Saul yet? They actually said Walter and Jesse might be in season 2!! Anyways, if you ever wanna smoke or talk, just let me know”.
@knitterz Omg. That experience sounds mortifying! How immature of him to go blab who knows what at his workplace and then all those people would act like that. My heart goes out to you. It’s probably better that you don’t know what he said or don’t think about it. After my breakup a couple people came to me and told me things my ex had been telling everyone about me, majority of it made up and really awful stuff! And blamed everything on me to boot. As if the hurt from the breakup isn’t enough, and then that on top! I made a mental note that my next guy will know how to keep his mouth shut. That’s horrible and I hate that you had to go through that. 🙁
@confusedbutok I don’t get the impression that you were a rebound for her. If she was doing a lot of dating and there were other guys in the picture, then that makes me think she just really liked you and wanted to be with you. My thinking is that if she wanted to rebound she could have chosen the first guy that came along? My ex and I moved in together within the first few months we were dating, haha, so I don’t know if that is normal or not, though our circumstances were different. Wish I could advise you on contacting her or not, but I’m not sure what would be best at this point. I keep forgetting to get kik!
@kevinsmusicrox I think that sounds pretty good. You apologized for your part in things and left it open for her to reach out to you. Hang on to it and think it over a few times during NC and then you can revise it or decide if that’s still what you want to say when the time comes.Guys, how do you deal with this Valentine’s day? I feel depressed as I haven’t been in weeks,even more knowing she’s with someone else and that one year ago I had gone to meet her and we were so happy. Its fucking sad.
Happy V day to all!!♡♡
Ita been a while since I posted, because Im at the peak of filing season and I have had a lot of work. I followed my friends suggestion about the flowers, and yes he got mad as hell. Today he is coming over, Im cooking dinner because I really dont like going out on days like these,service is bad and food overpriced. Besides I am a wonderful cook, something I know he appreciates and gives me an opportunity to remind him what he has been missing. We are seeing a comedy play at a local theater afterwards, and we will take it from there. We have been 14 days without any argument,except the flowers subject, bit I reassured him I knew nothing and no one has come forward to claim deed. I know I got him thinking. Im playing innocent because he can get very angry and start a fight that I must be cautious not to follow. I hope that today goes well.
If something happened and plans are screwed my Plan B is going to an 80s party that a local and very popular radio station is throwing at the Sheraton hotel. They do that every year, its called the Magic love sessions, and you dress in red if you are with partner and black if you are single. I promised myself that if things go awry this weekend I will put an end to this and start moving on with purpose and intent.
It sucks, but I cant drag my heart on the road because now he wants to do power plays. Last night I was at a bday party, and one guy was getting very friendly. He was cute but younger than me by I think at least 8 years. It flattered me his approach, and he insisted I stayed when I was leaving. I have had many men going dandy with me since it is very evident I am single, and some have asked because they dont see pics of us anymore. But the truth is I still care for my ex a lot, and thats why Im playing my last card today, wish me luck.Those who are still alone, I suggest find something fun to do. Gather some single friends and go somewhere, throw a small party, do something, anything but dwell in the past or the misery of the moment. It hurts to be out there in a festive ambiance with your heart bleeding, but think of yourself as a gladiator, we are Kings and Queens of the arena. Maybe the sun wont shine right out,but at least the clouds disperse and toi can survive this cruelest of holidays to all of us.
Thanks. You are right…its very hard to find any indicators.
Everyone,
Happy V day. Probably the hardest day to get by.
My ex is going to have a date with a her new bf on valentines…I am feeling lesser hopeful now. All these holidays queued up is making things really difficult.
Is it good for me if my ex spends more time on her own from her new bf or is it bad?
I’ve never had vday with my ex but it is hitting me today even if I don’t believe in the “holiday” though thoughts like to play out that she’s with someone showering her with all the cliches and taking her mind off me.
I can relate to all of you… Believe it or not but my ex and I were separated last V-day too but reconciled soon after. I can only imagine what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with…
It’s tough when your ex leaves with one of many excuses as “you didn’t appreciate me and didn’t surprise me with flowers/gifts” so naturally I’m left to think any new guy knows to do just that! Leaving me on the side lines :-/
She said the same type of shit to me. What sucks is that just a couple of weeks before she promised she would be my valentine and that she would always be with me forever… Then she left me with some lame, half assed excuse… I just don’t get how anyone can toss out all of the fun and good you did for them so easily…
“Behind every complaint there is deep personal longing.” — John Gottman
If she complains, “You NEVER hold my hand,” she is aching for connection. One of the most important skills we can learn is not to criticize when we want connection. But above all, we can try to understand when the desire to connect is really what’s underlying a complaint or blame.Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I’m feeling bitter. I was thinking back to all of our past Valentine’s and realized I was always the one putting in the effort. I usually cooked a fancier than normal dinner, either bought or baked a treat, and always made him a homemade card. There were only a 2 or 3 times where he made me a card or picked up some chocolate. I’ve never experienced the whole getting dressed up and going out or getting flowers or anything of that sort. Not that it’s about all that, but I want to feel special sometimes and he never did that for me. It was like this on every holiday and special occasion, too.
When I would tell him what I wanted or would like for him to do he would get upset and throw it back at me, telling me to buy the stuff or make the plans! I just wanted him to show some effort, give me a little romance, something. I’m angry that I keep looking back and seeing all these red flags, and I’m feeling upset with myself that I stayed with this guy for so long.
@kevinsmusicrox “Then she left me with some lame, half assed excuse… I just don’t get how anyone can toss out all of the fun and good you did for them so easily.” I used to ask myself this same thing constantly! Now, I’ve just made up my mind that my ex is a bunch of nasty words that I won’t repeat here. I think I’m fully in hate with him right now.
@Carmine828 I wish you the best of luck with your plan today! I really hope it goes well for you. I’ll be thinking of you, keep us posted. And thank you for posting that last quote. I think that it’s so true.@Nell hindsight tells us a lot about the character of someone, even ourselves. It’s always hard to look back and see all these things that you should have paid attention to at the time and taken those as a sign, but love is blinding sometimes. You loved him, so you let his imperfections go and made the best of crappy situations. I had an ex that was like that, never did anything nice for me ever. He never even said I looked cute, ever! I ended up moving on and finding much much better than him and guess what? He has been chasing me for about 5 months now, has taken me to dinner, told me how pretty I look, buys me cute little presents, etc. It took him a while, but he says he finally realizes he treated me horribly because he had this mental image of how the world works and it wasn’t the way it really is. Don’t give up hope, just keep moving forward and expecting the best. Maybe your ex will come around and see he was an idiot and start proving to you he can be this great man, or someone else will come into your life who is even better than your ex who will treat you that way from the start.
My ex texted me fairly early this morning, for him at least. He asked if I came into his work to pay him for the electric bill yesterday. I already paid him and he hasn’t texted me for going on 2 weeks now, hasn’t texted me with anything other than bills in over a month. I feel like him asking if I came into his work, when he completely ignored me and his coworkers were all jerks, and the fact he texted me so early was that he is curious as to why I was there if it wasn’t him. I used to bring him coffee or a snack or little gifts when he was at work and after his first rebound he told me that was one of the things he really missed about us. I think it was bothering him I came into his work for something other than him dressed up (got a really pretty new dress I was wearing for a different reason) and he wants to know what I was up to without his new girlfriend knowing. I’m not going to answer, he can think about me today and suffer, wondering where I am and what I am doing.
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