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I broke up in November 20 – I broke it off because he did not want to take the relationship to the next level. I implemented the no contact. 10 days in he calls me – just talking general light things. Then he drunk dialed me a few weeks later – I was so sure I got him back . We talked for almost 2 hours , he said all the right things, he missed me etc. He said he’d like to call again the next day – but then no news until after Christmas then New Year. I messaged him to wish him Happy New Year – it was just a cordial chat. Then again no news for weeks. On January 17 he called, said he needed to see me. We hung out again, but again he said he was afraid to take the relationship further . He disappeared on me again for a few weeks. I broke the no contact, reached out to him … and as I had hoped, we started hanging out again like old times. I was happy …But the problem was still there, the relationship was not progressing and he refused to talk about it. Few weeks of hanging out … and now I’m doing the no contact again. But I will not make the same mistake, i.e. responding to his text or call.. or ever reaching out until the 2 months are over. It’s been 32 days now, he’s only tried to reach me twice. After Day 30, it’s getting better and I am becoming more normal. It’s not a linear process, there were moments where I just broke down, had a few meltdowns. But overall, I am getting better- that is what counts!
I have done the no contact in the past. For me, it nearly always works. Once I did no contact for 6 months.we started a relationship after that , after 2 years the man married me . Marriage lasted 5 years. 6 months no contact was a breeze at the time, because I was not that into him in the first place…
After my divorce I dated a guy, broke up because he didn’t believe in marriage. Did the the no contact, 2 months in we got back together .. then we lived together. Things eventually did not work out though.
Hey Violet13,
Even though your situation is entirely different from mine, I was wondering as to your personal guidelines for NC, like, how do you know when to end NC, and are you usually the one to end it?
Me and my ex broke up on September after 9 months of a really intense relationship (for the record, I’m 24, she’s 22); we’ve been on and off these past 7 months, during which, for almost 2 months we’ve tried getting back, only for her to realize she’s not ready yet.
So now it’s my 40 something day of NC, she contacted me a few times, and I did the mistake of answering, knowing she hasn’t finished figuring the stuff she said she needed to figure out.
All in all, while NC doesn’t actually SOLVE anything, it makes you realize if the relationship is worth pursuing, and hopefully, makes the other side miss you
id definitely be interested in hearing how you knew when to break your nc and stuff too!
Hi Phonis and Joe
Ideally it is the other party that breaks no contact – but that doesn’t always happen. Kevin wrote an interesting article on it here and here
With my ex husband, 6 months he did not contact me, because he was extremely stubborn but the love was always there . As mentioned, I was not crazy in love with him – after six months I just approached him at a party and said : “hey come on ! Let’s talk again. I’m sorry if I was wrong ….” And like a switch was turned on …he fell in love with me, like nothing I have ever seen and it lead to marriage. The logic is that his respect and love grew for me as he saw I can live without him – this is THE KEY.
the only time you can break no contact for it to work is at a minimum a month, but ideally after 2 months of absolute no contact. The true indication however is YOUR readiness. To break no contact you must show that you are absolutely fine without them, and you are in control. This is your only chance to turn things around. With my current ex, even though we were together only for 5 months, a month of no contact is not enough; my feelings were still very intense. After 2 months, i will be ready, but who knows? i might want to forget him instead.
No contact always works – they will always come back (relationship or not, but they will always come back, from my experience) … You have to make time your friend; and this is extremely hard to do. You have to allow months to pass and allow yourself to ‘move on’ ; have a great life.
Also, I say it always works because it’s the fastest route for you to heal. regardless the outcome, I am a true believer in no contact.
Hey Violet13,
To be honest, at this point I know I’m ready to break NC, but I know she still isn’t, that she still has stuff she hasn’t finished figuring out yet…
If it’s not too much to ask, I’d appreciate if you could read my thread, maybe give me your opinion of it all?
I read your thread Joe. How long has it been now with now contact for this last phase? I would suggest at least 60 days, if you are strong enough.
in my humble opinion, you’ve also been too honest – telling her the door is open if she wants to fall in love again ; also ‘convincing her’ to talk on the phone etc. she knows you still want her and this kills the spark/attraction/mistery . An extended period of no contact can help in this case. You have to somehow show that you have moved on and only then will she wonder if she made a mistake. It will take time.
That’s my two cents
Well, since she contacted me, 2 weeks, before that, almost a month. Fact of the matter, even if I did need to convince her a bit, we wouldn’t have talked if she didn’t want to.
But I agree, I was too honest. She knows she still means a lot to me, though, after her sending that message, I assume I mean something to her too.
I’m gonna keep NC for another month or so; thing is, we got this sort of spring-break coming up, 3 days of parties down south, so while she may or may not do something there, I think it’ll help her realize if a relationship with me is worth having.
Regardless, right now I feel really well, I don’t wanna get back with her right now cuz I know she’s still confused with herself (she told me as much) and that getting back together now would be too soon.
So right now I’m sort of moving on; sort of, because I still believe there’s a chance here, but I’m sober enough to know it won’t happen as soon as I’d like it to.
heres my thread violet! maybe you could shed some light on this situation!
Update: i found out she had a “boyfriend” 2 weeks after our breakup. However around 5 weeks after they got together he kinda just stopped talking to her. she also told her mom and friends that i was verbally abusive, although thats the furthest thing form the truth and her best friends called her on it and told her i wasn’t. Ive now been NC about month nd a half and i actually feel greatI don’t agree with @ violet.
NC is done so other party takes negativity out from there mind,it gives you time to be confident and come out of a mess.Also time heals but if there was no love between both couple there is nothing that can work out.
It is better idea to read what KEVIN said and evaluate your situation.
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