Neutral Response after No Contact

[angel510]

Hi everyone,

I recently finished 30 days of no contact with my ex. We broke up at the end of December after an argument and shortly after I went into a panic about losing him and texted and called frequently. I am sure I came off as desperate. He would not take my calls or my texts. So I decided to go no contact. I finished the 30 days (did not hear from him during this time). On Thursday I texted him and asked how he was doing. I got back a very neutral response. He just said he was doing okay and nothing was new – he’s just been working a lot. He said he wasn’t mad at me. I apologized for overreacting after the break up and he said “it’s ok”. Let me also note he is not someone to write long texts even under normal circumstances, so the short responses were not surprising to me. The conversation ended at this point because I was getting ready to go to sleep.

So I guess my question is, how should I take this neutral response? Yes it would have been ideal for him to be excited to hear from me, but honestly I was just happy he responded and it wasn’t negative.

Where should I go from here? How soon before I initiate contact again if he doesn’t contact me? It’s so tough because today is Valentine’s Day.

Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks.

[pink85a]

Did he ask you any questions in his texts? Did he seem interested in your life?

Have you spoken with him since last Thuraday? How was valentines day??? I hope you didn’t contact him!!

I really believe this no contact rule works in 3 ways – to get them back, to heal you, and if it doesn’t work, to forget about them!

[ellie96]

Hi!! So, I think that the fact that he texted you back is a good sign. If he is a stubborn person, you will get those kind of responses.

However, I think you should wait for him to contact you as of right now. I’d say after a week or so, then you can contact him and see if maybe he wants to meet up!

[kalicooldude]

Hi Angel : If he is replying he is interested but may be hurt or doesn’t want to show his emotional part,take it slow and see the responses as moving forward and act accordingly,but don’t do too many texts or calls.It is the most tough situation after the break up and I know it hurts esp when you controlled it for 30 days.

What was the reason for your break up and how long you guys were together ?

Are you in 510 area code ? I am in Fremont….LOL

[angel510]

Thanks for the responses. I also think if he is responding there is still some interest on his part (at least I hope so). We broke up after a disagreement over finances. We’ve been together for just under 3 years. We’ve had issues in the past, as he can be difficult to get along with. He has severe depression and can be very withdrawn at times. Hence, when I got the short responses I wasn’t totally surprised because that isn’t really out of the ordinary for him. I was just glad he responded and it wasn’t negative.

So far I haven’t heard from him. I was thinking about making contact again either this weekend or early next week? I even thought about asking him if he wants to meet up for coffee or lunch? Is it too soon? What do you guys think? I really want to contact him now, but I know it is best to hold off. This is just so hard!

[ellie96]

Maybe it would be a good idea to ask him to lunch or for coffee! I understand what it feels like to have depression because I have it as well. If he has the chemical imbalance (like me) he needs therapy and will have the be medicated for the rest of his life. So it will make him feel good to know someone cares. Don’t be too overbearing. Don’t talk to him about his depression or the relationship unless he brings it up. Even then, do not give advice. As much as you want to, giving advice to a depressed person actually pushes them further away. Research depression and learn to understand it. Just take things slow, but it would mean something to him if you reached out.

[angel510]

So I contacted him tonight and we talked for a bit. He is working out of town this weekend. But I told him I am off on Monday and we should have lunch or coffee. He said as long as he gets back in town at a decent time on Sunday night he is totally up for it. I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but just several weeks ago he would not respond to my calls or texts. I am very happy right now, but still cautiously optimistic. I really feel like I’m making progress and for what it’s worth, I really think the 30 day no contact helped a lot.

[ellie96]

No, this is definitely a big deal and I am soooo happy for you 🙂 now it is just time to be yourself! Don’t talk about the relationship and the depression like I told you not to. If he brings up the relationship just say “I just want to start fresh. Remember the good, and erase the bad.” If he brings up his depression, don’t give him advice and don’t crowd him with questions why. Just let him know you’re here and that if he ever needs to vent, you’re definitely there. Other than that, be a friend. Be the girl he fell in love with. No negativity. You have to let me know how it goes 🙂

[angel510]

Thanks for the reply. I have been good about not bringing up the relationship and don’t plan to anytime soon. I feel like if I did it might scare him off. I am really hoping he is able to meet up tomorrow – trying not to get my hopes up in case he is not. In any case, I really do feel like I’ve made some progress. Hope it continues!!

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