Nervous about meeting

[surferdude]

Hi there,

Am finally meeting my ex tomorrow for a walk and to exchange our stuff tomorrow seven weeks post break up- we talked on the phone and she was really friendly the other night (without saying she wants to get back together) – I feel this is a mixed message?? She said she still wants to see me without being in a relationship but I have said that I have accepted the break up and am going to try to meet other people online – she said this was ok ? Have messaged some people online thus far but not met up with anyone. But what if the meeting tomorrow goes well and I want to persue reconciliation??

The breakup was at the end of August, my grief has peaked and is starting to get much less intense, i’ve also made improvements to my personal life – had some work issues but they are now sorted, am a lot less stressed atm (which was one of the reasons why we broke up) – probably didn’t do NC as well as what I should have (have been in touch a few times over 45 days) – only exchanged emails once in the first 30 days, she initiated this and I replied. I called her after 30 days and made the mistake of suggesting reconciliation straight up, to which she said no, but since I haven’t made that mistake again.

So my plan is to be friendly and say the balls in your court – not to suggest reconciliation tomorrow but say be in touch if you want to see me again and see what happens – can anyone give me any advice? If it doesn’t go well, ill message these other people and try and move on.

Any advice is appreciated

[patricia12]

Hi suferdude, What she said during the phone conversation was not a mixed message. She was just being friendly and wants to meet. This is a very good sign and normal after a break up. I don’t think it was a good idea for you to have told her you’re going to meet other people as that one statement alone makes it sound like you’re not serious about a possible reconciliation. There wasn’t much she could say about that other than what she did say..”Okay”. I can almost guarantee that statement made her sad. You were together 3 years and there’s a lot of history and feelings between you two that doesn’t go away quickly. The reason she didn’t agree to reconciliation when you called her after 30 days no contact is probably because she wants to see proof that you’ve changed for the better. That can only done through contacts such as phone calls, emails, and in person. She wants to see for herself that your treatment of her will be better because your work issue has been resolved and you’re less stressed now. If the meeting goes well tomorrow, I hope she will want to reunite, but she might not be anxious to reconcile so quickly and it may take some more time for her to be willing.. Yes, be friendly, sweet, and upbeat tomorrow. You could let her know you’re open to reconciliation and suggest she think about it for awhile, maybe a few weeks and if she wants to see you again to let you know because you would be very happy to see her anytime to go out and have fun together. Do NOT mention the other women again when you meet with you ex tomorrow!! Only if she says there is no chance you would ever get together again as a couple, is the time to move on and message the other women. If she wants to think about reconciling with you, be the sweetest most understanding man you can possibly be and don’t meet the other women yet. Wishing you the very best of luck!

[surferdude]

Thank you Patricia12 for your advice – I just have acted in a needy and dependant manner (and know she has also been online) and wanted to break that pattern of behaviour and demonstrate some strength and independence when I spoke to her the other day – I’m feeling heaps better and can now handle tomorrow going either way.

[patricia12]

How did the meeting go? Did you exchange your things and go for ice cream?

[patricia12]

Hi surferdude, What’s happening? Did you reconcile??

[surferdude]

Hi Patricia12, i’m unsure about it all, she seemed very upset when we met, she has had a falling our with one of her friends too, i’m a bit worried about her mental state which has put doubts in my mind about it all.

She has messaged me a couple of times in the past week, one to say she missed me, I messaged her back saying if you want to talk i’m here, but then the next day she said she just wanted to be friends – I think for now i’m just going to assume the relationship is over – if she messages me and talks about a reconciliation, then ill talk about it from there at a later date.

I did meet someone else for lunch who seems nice – she’s just had a break up too so I might just meet her for one or two fun dates, I explained that I just want to have fun and not start anything serious right now and she was cool with that – taking it really slow and see what happens. My ex seems all over the place and I I’d rather try and move forward than wait around for a reconciliation that might or might not happen.

[patricia12]

I’m glad you met someone nice and you have break ups in common, probably a lot more too. Anyway, that seems like a very good idea to meet her again for fun dates:) Seems like moving forward is also a wise decision. Wishing you the best..

[surferdude]

Thank you for your support Patricia12 too, you helped me through a very difficult time
🙂

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