Need some advice before it’s too late

[Ivan]

Me and my girlfriend just broke up about a week ago. On the day of the break up, she told me that I was too insecure and bossy, which I won’t deny it by now. She wanted to go on a diet and I was being too hard on her even though I only wanted to remind her of her diet (she occasionally eats junk food). She also told me that she has become uncomfortable with me (most probably because I was being too bossy and there was a time which I asked her a lot of questions when she and 2 of her friends were hanging out which I will mention later), although about a week before she looked okay and didn’t give any signs that she has become uncomfortable.

I really need some advice regarding some things. The first thing is that when I’m in the NC period, what should I do if she sometimes say something that might refer to me in a group chat (Me and her are in a group chat of close friends)? I really want to reply to her even if not directly but I know it would just break the NC rule.

Second, as I mentioned before, there was a time when she hung out with her friends, and one of them is a boy (not so close to her i believe) that I think she has a crush on. Her feelings to him aren’t mutual because the boy likes someone else, but when the time my NC period ends, what should I do if she has already going out with him? I’m afraid she won’t be missing me that much (if not at all) like the guide on this website says and it would just be wrong of me to talk to her in the first place.

Third, what should I if I’m still halfway into my NC period and she contacts me, saying that she misses me? Should I still not reply to her messages? Or should I end the NC period right there and start talking to her anymore? I’m afraid she will just think I’m not interested in her anymore if I don’t reply.

Lastly, how would I know if she doesn’t miss me at all and I should just give up on her?

I thank you all in advance, and I would be thankful for your answers.

P.S. She and I had an LDR because our Universities are in different cities, and we were only able to see each other physically for a few weeks on our semester breaks.

[mr_the_ex]

I can’t answer all the questions but I can give my 2 cents.

If you are in a group chat that she is in, remove yourself from the chat. No contact just doesn’t mean no talking to her, it is a period of time to work on yourself and attempt to not think about her all the time. It is a time to deal mentally with the breakup. The more they are interjected into your life (Facebook, group chats, etc.) the more difficult it is for you to process the emotional part of the breakup yourself.

I don’t know what to say about what happens if she is going out with some other guy.

If she contacts you during the no contact period, you don’t want her thinking you are done with the relationship. I think a message like “I am taking some time to think about our relationship and to work on myself” and that is it is very reasonable. It tells her that you value the relationship, doesn’t bother her and also tells her what you are doing without going into too much. If she sends a short message after that, you can ignore it until the end of the NC period because you’ve already told her what you are doing.

[Ivan]

Thanks for the advice. I would like to give a little update and also ask a few more things now.

A few days ago she texted me because she has some problems with her friends, and eventually called me to talk about it and asked me to accompany her for a while. I was worried something bad would happen if I didn’t pick up because she said she would be crushed if her friends leave her so I picked up.

In the call, we talked about some things and I eventually asked her if she does miss me (which she said she did but not too much) and said that she doesn’t regret breaking up with me.

The next day she’s still dealing with her problem with her friends, and that night we texted and she asked to call me again. This time I said yes but a bit unwillingly. In the end I ended the call in a bit “I don’t want to call you anymore” and we said goodnight. (That’s not how I really felt).

So I have a feeling that now she knows why I don’t want to contact her in a while, but I’m afraid she got the wrong idea of me not wanting to contact her because I’m pissed. In reality,I was just too sad so I said what I mentioned before. My intention is to not contact her for a while to work myself up like the guide in this website told us.

So I’m wondering, should I text her one more time to let her know that it’s not that I don’t want to contact her because I ‘hate’ her, but rather because I just need time? Or should I just continue my NC?

Oh one more question, how will I know that she will actually miss me during and after the NC period,rather than forget about me?

Thanks.

[Shesjustmaria]

I think the best thing is to send a short text stating why you acted that way on the phone and also tell her you need time. Then stick to NC for at least 30days. She can’t miss you if you talk every 3 days or so when she needs advice help etc. During this 30 days you might need to block her on everything so you won’t be tempted.

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