Need Help,Should i keep trying or move on,its been more than yr now.

[anthurium]

Hi Kali
I haven’t been on here so much lately so I have just seen your updates. I am so pleased that you are starting to move on from this lady – you have tried everything and waited a long time. She is not being fair to you at all – and even if she said yes to a reconciliation – is this really the woman you want to be with for your life? (I know your answer would be yes, but think about that please!) She has played games really the last 18 months – OK she is struggling to come to terms with things – but so are most of us on this site and we don’t behave the way she has. Sorry if this sounds strong.
My suggestion is – have one grown up conversation with her – no games, just straight forward honest talking – and say that to her because you don’t want her to play games. I suggest DO NOT do this on valentines weekend – its inappropriate. If there is never going to be a reconciliation, if she says no – throw yourself into the relationship with the new girl and avoid any contact with the ex (its likely she will chase you for a bit, but its a game, like she has been doing the past X months – only participate in communication if its grown up conversation (ie reconciliation and marriage – nothing about why didn’t you go the gym years ago). I suggest having the conversation with the ex because I think you will wonder “what if” if you don’t – and that could mess with the new relationship. If the ex does not even want a conversation, well then there is your answer without even having to have the conversation.
I am pleased this is coming to a point where it will conclude – I have feared for your happiness Kali – I just don’t know how you have survived 18months of heartache and pain and false hope. It really is time for you to climb out of the situation you are in one way or another
Good luck Kali, thoughts are with you
Anth

[kalicooldude]

Thanks Anth for your kind words.Yes I have lived for almost 18 months with torture and taking stress of it every day,every minute.My ex has played this game for so long now,I know this has to an end.I am and will not regret it anymore because I did tried my best and waited patiently for so many months,i don’t think I would have to prove my love anymore to her.I am exhausted,tired and gave up already.

Yes it is to consider that as everyone have suggested I will talk to her one last time and check if she can meet up for coffee or something and than move with my serious conversation,if she comes back to reconcile its Ok if she doesn’t I am already working and getting attached to this new girl which is long distance for now but she is willing to come and move with me to california.She loves me a lot and give me respect which I deserve.

And also if my ex doesn’t want to meet for serious conversation I will get an answer that she is not interested to take this relationship further or forgot past or may be she is optimistic about future with someone else coming or have in her life.

Thanks Dear Anth,appreciate it very much.

This new girl gave me hope again,it might take some time but I am ready for her.

[kalicooldude]

Should I email her to meet up and discuss this ?

or just wait for her to call me and talk about setting up a time to meet if she agrees,of course with her available time and if she is willing to meet up ?

[anthurium]

Just get it done – I would message the ex to suggest a meet up and chat about things (preferably not Valentines day). If she says no – you could suggest that its important a few things are spoken about once and for all. If she still says no – move on with the new girl and don’t look back, in my view. Really try not to let it drag on. I am so so pleased for you – I am dating someone new but for me it just makes things worse. I have given up on my ex, but it doesn’t mean I don’t think about him and wish I was with him. But I realise I have done everything myself too and there is nothing more I can do but try to rebuild my life without him and move on 🙁 I don’t know, do you think we will ever completely move on Kali? Is it possible it will always be lurking there – the one that got away so to speak. Sometimes it feels like even with all this time it doesn’t go away. Sorry, don’t mean to bring you down! Your new love interest will help greatly!

[kalicooldude]

Yup ! I agreed with you,it is soo tough.I am very scared to do final closure and not sure how I will handle it or she would come and meet me in person,i highly doubt she will come and see me or I might just have to talk when she comes on her own to see me.I am sure she cant handle final closure too.

But one thing is there,that it is very tough road ahead but there are good people also around,i never knew that after my divorce with my ex wife that I will fall in love again and find such a nice girl,same thing I am not sure what my future holds but we all need to keep going on this life journey.

Good luck my dear Anth I know how it feels to be find replacement for love or try to show that you are happy,but I know you sincerely tried at your end.

[anthurium]

You see this gives us all hope – after you split from your wife you never thought you would fall in love again – yet you did. This is encouraging. I think we all feel that we just wont feel love like that again. But people do (that hurts writing that because it means he will, or has already even – but it also means hopefully you and I will again). Good luck to you dear Kali, keep us in the loop, I will try to look out for you in the coming days / weeks. Be strong in the chat with the ex, you are a person of high value and you have someone already in love with you and wanting to be with you.

[kalicooldude]

After long wait of 2 years I gave up on more trying,tried everything possible to get her back.

Now no more trying,if it is not meant to be,no matter how hard you try it won’t come to you.

Good Luck to all my friends and broken heart ones.

Wish you all speedy recovery and moving towards better future.

Now,i feel that once the serious relationship goes thru break up phase and it is more than 6months to year and there is no patch up,your chances are almost none.

[anthurium]

Hi Kali
How are you? I am hoping you are dating the other girl that was keen on you? 🙂 I think it is a wise move that we must move on. Ironically I came on here because I was dating someone new and I think it isn’t working out – but it has made me completely get over my ex. I am thinking about the new one and rarely think about my ex! So finally finally, I feel I am TRULY over my ex – it happened in stages but overall I guess it took over a year. I still have a massive soft spot for him (occasionally we still see each other as we still are shared assets) but I don’t feel like I want to be with him any more.
Having said that, I do feel that sometimes couples get back together years and years later. I don’t want that – I am not hoping for it. But for other people out there, it can happen. The important thing though is to move on in the mean time – live life, meet a new partner. That way you can really see what life has to offer and what you want out in a relationship.
Kali, warm wishes to you
Anth

[kalicooldude]

Please read my thread before you say your suggestions.

My g/f and I dated for 4 years and it was 100 % from her side,mine was less as I had lot going on with my ex wife.
My g/f wanted to marry me like crazy and said everyday,she wants to marry me.I couldn’t do that time as I still had case pending with my ex wife.
Around June 2014 I blocked my g/f for 2 weeks and things were never same.She was not the same girl anymore she went distant,pissed off,mad,confused and kept telling me move on.

Well I never loose hope,i tried tried tried it can be her bday gifts,valentine,talking to her sister,family,finding excuses to talk with her

She kept giving me mixed signals for 2 years and never said I love you but she did talk about marriage once in while or came see me or came my home.

Last month her mother was sick,i went to check on her mother and gave flowers,so my g/f said she wants to get engagement done on Oct 1st her mom bday.I said Ok and I was surprise,well we had fight again and keeping all the fights happened in 2 years it was from her side I never inititated.

Now I she has picture on facebook with her family friend last week and this week the guy put new picture looks like engagement and everyone giving them congrats as happy couple.

2 weeks I try to say hello on her and she my family has fixed my wedding and I should understand.

We come from very different religions and I have baggage with divorce,daughter.She was single and no baggage.

Now I am confused that like 2 weeks she was looking for ring with me in mall and putting dresses on,now all of the sudden what happen ?

But 2 years she has done is fight,went distant,not talked with me for months,blocked me few times.

I am broken and now have no clue about my love life or future.I really loved this girl and also proved my love during this break up time.

Please advise.
kalicooldude

[Anna]

Hi Kali,

If you have feelings for her never give up. You never know what the outcome will be. Your happiness is in your hands. You just need to decide if she is the one who makes you happy. I admire you.

[kalicooldude]

Hi Elena,I have not given up from last 2/5 years and trust me I did a lot,she was always pissed,angry,distant and never respected me.She treated me like shit.I have gifts,apologies,bday present,good with her family,worked on myself,controlled my anger but she never saw any changes in me and remain same cold and distant,I said her I love you every time we talked or met but she never said I love you too.Now she said her family fixed her wedding and they are happy and she is happy because they are happy.What do you want me to do now,cry to her or beg to come back or tell her to rethink,all this doesn’t make sense to me,keep in mind she is happy and after so much of my wait & love if I can’t get her back I don’t think it will make sense,I have to let her go.I am tired and heart broken with this mixed feelings and confused behavior of her from last 2/5 years.Now she has decided to move on with other guy so it’s fine !

[Anna]

You know people think that they have moved on and then they go back to their true love. Keep your dignity and don’t be ashamed of your feelings.
Good luck and don’t make your life a torture, she will get it one day, if not maybe the future has something better for you! ☺

[FishingTheSky]

Hey kalicooldude,
I am sorry you are still suffering so much about your ex.
I do admire the persistence and patience you have showed through all these years; it’s amazing and bittersweet. I want to tell you that it’s ok if you want to move on, you have done whatever you could to keep this relationship afloat and you won’t have regrets. Unfortunately your ex doesn’t seem to be interested in anymore and you have to learn to accept and for now.
Although, speaking from a voice of a hopeless romantic and dreamer, maybe this is not the end of it, like Elanna hinted at; only death is certain. You can let her go now and go on with your life, with a flebile hope in your heart that one day the destiny might present you another chance with her. You will be happy again whatever happens.
Gook luck and stay strong!

[kalicooldude]

Hi Elanna & Fishing.

Thanks for the comments,i am fine with my life but all I am SURPRISED is that this girl has not putten 1 % effort from her side during this break up,99 % efforts were me and I was her target to get mad,angry or pissed off with no reasons and take the past anger at me.

But this girl has also came to see me or talk with me on her mood,i cant understand is that 2 weeks back she told me that we will get engagement done on Oct 1st and also went with me to see rings and dresses she will wear,again when we were looking she started fighting with me as I told salesperson about my budget.

and she also went out with me to city 4 weeks back where she did hold my hand and kissed me not on lips.

So how come this girl moved on so quick to relationship with this person or wedding,keeping this girl comes from very typical muslim background.Also I see this new guy that she claims is getting married,comes from same background and he had consoled her all this year which is visible at her facebook page.Now the guy also have profile picture at facebook with her,and friends gave them congrats for happy life.

My concern is she is with me 2 weeks back looking for rings and now all of the sudden this guy came to picture and she tells me her family is happy so she is happy there too.

I am confused as hell but same time looking at there picture on facebook gave me peace and strength to move on.

[anthurium]

Hi Kali 🙂
Its been a while! I am confused by your latest update – was she intending on marrying you? and then switched and is now marrying someone else? or was she just shopping for rings / dresses with you while being engaged to someone else?
All I can say Kali is – I understand how you feel, but you do need to rebuild your life without this lady at the focal point of it. She may come back one day – and there is nothing wrong with harbouring some hope even for years. But please don’t let this rule your life. You may be missing out on some great happiness.
My situation …. I still miss my ex after over 18 months, I still love him. I see him occasionally for a few admin things we have and seeing him just makes me feel warmer to him. But I realise we aren’t meant to be together. There were some things that just were not right in the relationship. In some ways I should be thankful to him for being strong in not coming back to me. He has now been with someone new for almost a year I think. He seems happy. But I know he sometimes wonders about the future with me that he has given up. I can see this from sometimes his reactions or body language. But I also know he will not come back – at least not any time soon. He needs to explore this new relationship. If in years to come he decides he wants to spend his life with me and make the right compromises, well then maybe it will be too late (I might be committed to someone else), maybe it will be good timing. But I have to build my new life without him and if there is any remote chance of a reconciliation ever – it has to be driven by him because otherwise it will not work – he will not make the right compromises every relationship needs. I am kind to him when I see him but I respect his space, his new relationship etc
So similar is the case for you I feel. You need to let go a little – try to move on, even if you will always harbour some love for her and some hope – you can achieve “moving on”. I know my ex still loves me – I know it doesn’t disappear – but he has moved on and rebuilt his life. And I am starting to, yes even though I love him and miss him. I think for you it might be better not to see this lady for a while because she seems to be treating you unfairly. I wonder if she enjoys playing with your emotions. Its messing with your life Kali – you broke up over 2 years ago now and one minute she doesn’t want to talk to you and the next you are shopping for engagement rings. Its very confusing for all involved. Kali, you may *always* love her – and that is OK – more than OK its wonderful – but it doesn’t mean you should be together and it doesn’t mean you cant be happy with someone else. The old saying is that if you love someone, let them go. I see my “letting go” of my ex as my ultimate gift to him – to help him find happiness. One day he may return but I’m not waiting any more. What will be will be.
Sorry for the long post – my heart goes out to you Kali. Be strong, be happy
x

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