Need Help,Should i keep trying or move on,its been more than yr now.

[sunshineflower]

I don’t agree with elanna or anthurium. They keep suggesting that you make more of an effort but it seems you have changed a lot of things about you. It makes me wonder whether your ex appreciates any of the things that you have done so far. I can pretty much guarantee that your ex is going to react the same way to the handwritten letter as she has with everything else you tried. Honestly I think you should move on. I think you are wasting away your days making changes for a woman that has made it very clear in words and more importantly through actions that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Think of your relationship with her as a catalyst for change..it made you into a better partner. And it looks like that was her purpose in your life. The woman that you are meant to be with would be able to move past the ways that you hurt her and would love you unconditionally. She is out there waiting to meet you. But you need to free your heart from the chains and shackles of your past in order to meet her.

[anthurium]

Poor you, you are now getting slightly different advice from us! I would say though – seriously try not to come across as needy. I wouldn’t even buy her the expensive bangles – its too much in my view. I think if you have said you are serious about marriage and children, then you have said your piece. It is important she understands you are serious about that, as I agree with Elanna – I have been there with a man that won’t commit to those things and ultimately as a woman you give up feeling very hurt and betrayed. I do think you need to act a little cool though at the same time – you need to see yourself as high value – so then she sees you as high value. It doesn’t feel like you are ready to give up, so maybe set out one last plan and say to yourself, if this doesn’t work then so be it. And that plan could include some NC till her birthday, followed by a casual reconnection. If this one last period of trying doesn’t work, then yes, it may be time to move on. Take on board everything you have learnt and be optimistic that it will be good for the next relationship. But if you want one last shot at NC followed by reconnection, then I don’t see harm in it. The good thing about NC, is you don’t have to agonise about anything – what to say or do, you just get on with life 🙂 So I hope you can enjoy that and when November comes, then some agonising begins again – but for the last time, whatever the outcome. Fingers crossed, have strength my friend

[anthurium]

And, don’t forget, you are high value, so when it comes to reconnecting, be cool 🙂 Use NC to build your life back up – then you will ooze with confidence. And if nothing happens with her, then anyway you will be in a great place to move on very quickly. Its a no lose tactic.

[kalicooldude]

Hi Anthurium/Sunshine/Elanna :

Thanks for all the comments you have done and I appreciate it very much,i have read them couple of times aleady.

So, far I agree with Elanna on this & I truly believe what she said is accurate on this 2 comments below :-

Comment # 1 from Elanna :-
She is upset, she feels betrayed, she doesn’t believe in love, she needs to be convinced. As you said she doesn’t trust you, because like in my case, you changed your mind after she broke up with you. She is simply sad about it. If she tells you ‘yes’ then she would always feel like she has forced you.

Comment # 2 from Elanna :-
No, she has not lost attraction because you have shown needy. Don’t be afraid to talk to her. She seems now punishing you, but you see, you have deserved it.
Show her that you have not given up on her and don’t let her go, she needs to know exactly how much you are prepared to do for her. She needs to know how deeply you want her so she would be able to overcome the past and the shame that she was the one asking you for commitment.
You need to accept that you are being just punished, believe me, it’s not rejection, it is a revenge.

_____________________________________________________________________________

My views & thoughts.

What I think more is that she has lost interest in love,she was the one who was committed for 4 years with giving her 100 % and I realized this after she broke up.All the time I have showed myself needy,have grown my beard,cried and begged…she got pissed and didn’t like it and mentioned (oh why are you all this,you never did for all 4 yrs when we were in relationship)

She told me numerous times that her mind is not supporting her heart and she doesn’t want me to keep waiting,so I should move on and be happy.

From last 1/5 years she have treated me like a piece of shit but I took it as I loved her & I appreciate her efforts she did for me and my daughter for 4 years.

One of the reason I want her so back desperately was my for my daughter as she was very well attached with my daughter,because at a time of divorce my daughter was only 1 and now 6,it is also very unfortunate that it happened when my last case was settled with my ex-wife.

Very frankly everyone in my circle have told me to move on as its been very long and she have treated me so bad during this time,but I have always kept a hope that one day she will realise that my love was not on words I had proved it as well.

Same time she knows that I might be not good at personnel level,but I am great person from heart and very successful professionaly & just my income is more than 5 working people in family even tho it doesn’t matter here.But,i do appreciate what she stood by with me when my ex wife made my life hell.

I am keeping my mouth and emotions shut till nov 21st and will not do anything,i feel enough has been done & enough punishment has been given to me which I deserve(no doubt) but also end of the day I am also human being & all I am doing is love so there should be not hate,if there was it should finish.

Sunshine @ she has appreciated my changes but yes she did see changes I made and noticed them even though she hasn’t expressed them.Now she feels that it is too late as in her mind she has already moved on,it is also I agree with you that I should move on and all my friends,family tells me same thing,and I surely will once I find the right one(and I am looking trust me)as it also very painful to wait and with no hope.

Thanks guys again @ anthurium @ sunshine @ elanna,love you all.I welcome your thoughts.

[kalicooldude]

I am also very confused as likes replies or posts,of trying some more time or I should give up and move on.

I know soon this pain will either get relieved or will stay for some more time.

I also feel that she is in pain too,as she really loved me from her heart and begged me for very long to get married and settled in life.

Bob Marley said :- If she’s amazing,she wont be easy.If she’s easy,she wont be amazing,If she’s worth it,you wont give up,If you give up,you’re not worthy…Truth is everybody is going to hurt you,You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

[kalicooldude]

I have decided not to do anything till her bday and see if she starts any contacts till than,i very much doubt.

I will not take any expensive gifts and will just email her on her bday and see the response and decide on things for future.

But right now I am just invisible till Nov her bday.

Thanks guys @

[anthurium]

Good luck kalicooldude, pleased you have a plan – that’s half the battle. I see that you mention she treated you badly. While you are in NC, it is worth thinking about whether a reconciliation is the right choice for *you*. But I don’t want to be one of the ones that just say move on – everyone says that and its not easy to do when its not really what you want to do. I think a good stint of NC and then one more aim at reconnecting is a good plan for you. But maybe say to yourself, this is the last stint, one last go. Hopefully it will work 🙂 But if not, you don’t want to end up going on for years and years – life is too valuable and there are other opportunities for love. Be strong, thoughts are with you

[kalicooldude]

Hi Anthurium : Thanks for the response,i appreciate it.Yes she treated me badly when I pushed her to limits,or was crying and esp when I did talked with her sister & best friend about our relationship and how she doesn’t want to come back.

Not sure she was overall very negative towards life and me,she had back pain which she claimed is because of my stress and pain I have given her all the time.

She is stubborn girl and just uses her own mind,pure scorpio and doesn’t tell anyone whats in her mind.

I am very confident that I want her to be my life partner.It was like she was behind me for 2 years to get married and did anything possible so I say yes to her for marriage,and it shifted right after she decided to break up after a fight and I did everything possible in this world to get her back.

In my scenario she never talked with me,or met me or showed any interest,so it became just 100 % effort from my side to convince her to get married right after I felt that now I have lost her.

Lets see I will wait till her bday,after that I will give up.In the meantime if I find someone nice and loving I will go with her and start fresh life.

Not sure she looks happy now on facebook and one week she has depressing quotes and one week nice smiling,nice make up picture with her g/f.She does that on cover and profile pictures,her friends and timeline is hidden.

3 days back her sister called me to check how I am doing and texted me,which I didn’t responded as I don’t want her sister also to know whats happening in my life.

let me know if If you have more thoughts ? I am very tired of this but Its just all worth the pain if she comes back but if she doesn’t atleast she would realize in some point that I did loved her from bottom of my heart

[anthurium]

It sounds like you are thinking rationally and calmly – believe in your plan, have hope. I hope you find happiness whether with her or with someone else. Good luck

[kalicooldude]

Hi Anthuirum and Elanna :

Quick Question :

My ex changes her profile and cover picture on facebook with different depressing quotes about love and sometimes a picture with her g/f
Her friends and timeline is hidden,i have deleted my facebook few weeks ago and but I do have 1/2 fake id where I keep checking her cover/profile photos.

What does that means ?

Like her profile or cover pictures get changed over the weekend,like her new profile(background picture) quote is :-
” loving the wrong person doesn’t mean you are stupid,it was stupid of that person not to appreciate your love ”

I mean last week she had quote of don’t love too much don’t trust too much because that too much will hurt you so much.

I am more than willing to work with her on each and everything and ready to settle,so why she is putting all this quotes for or may be there is someone else involved and I am just keep thinking about it.

Please advise.Thanks in advance @

[anthurium]

Its really hard to say – we don’t know what she has been up to this past year and whether she has been hurt by someone else. It is possible that she is referring to the hurt she felt in and after your relationship but neither we nor you can know this. I would suggest to delete your fake facebook profiles – its not good to keep checking up on her on facebook as it doesn’t give you the space and calm that you need. And try as much as you can not to over-analyse things she says or does on social media – I know, its easier said than done. But try to heal yourself over the next few weeks, focus on your own life. It will show if / when you do meet up.

[kalicooldude]

I know anthurium.Thanks for advice as always.If you were local I should have took you to dinner or show you san Francisco around…:))

She is putting new love hurt quotes every week on her profile and cover pictures,and you need to remember now I am on invisible mode I am not on facebook,whatsapp and moreover I don’t talk to her sister also.

So if she is putting quotes either she got hurt with any other guy she fall in love into or may be it is for me.In both cases I do think I have win win situation,if it was for someone else she is broken now or if it is for me she have started missing me and strict NC is working.

I am taking it easy and relaxing till her bday,same time I am open for another relationship as it is been 1/5 years.

[anthurium]

Thank you for the invite 🙂 You are being so strong, I’m really pleased for you. It is intriguing whats behind these comments she puts on Facebook but your view on it is right, although no-one wishes her to feel sad – it probably means she isn’t in a happy relationship right now. It is good for you. Your timing in November could be good. It looks like she needs to heal from whatever is causing her to put up these comments and hopefully you will both be in a good place in late November and both able to consider a new relationship. It is good also you are open to a new relationship with someone else, if that opportunity arises – I think you have a chance with your ex but we don’t know how she feels inside and whether she would want to reconcile. Stay strong kalicooldude!

[kalicooldude]

Ok Thanks Anthurium for your advise all the time,i guess I now left it on time,it will heal…I don’t think I have chance and its fine,i will not regret as I really tried very hard to have her back…like they say if it is not in destiny no matter what you do,you will not get it.

Keeping my invisible mode till her bday on 21st Nov…that’s it for now.Doing less stalking to her facebook now and literally I can only see her cover page and profile picture only,so It doesn’t give me much details anyways.

[Wondering412]

Kali,

Looks like you and I are in the same boat.

How about coming out to NYC and we can wingman for each other?

[Author]

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