Need Happy Birthday Plan and advise please.

[kalicooldude]

Break up : Last June 2014
After I block her from my cell phone for 3 weeks.

1 year tried everything begging,crying,1000s apologies,cards,gifts,talking to family etc,nuthing worked….always cold and don’t want to come back.This year met her in person 5/6 times more as a friend.
Tried 1st NC beginning of year and she got in touch.
Now 2nd NC started(approx.June 14) almost 80 days and no email from her.
Always communicated thru email and I was the one who started conversation.
Relationship time : 4 years.
Her behavior : Stubborn
Dedication from her :- 100 % mine was 30 % may be.
Her situation: Very better in terms of looks,job,family,status etc.
My situation : Divorced,one kid,had lot of cases but now over,no family here.

It shift after the break up my dedication became 100 % and her 0 %.

Now her bday is 21s November,she has moved on mentally but I haven’t still moved on and I still wait for her to come back.

On her bday should I :-
1) Send her email and if she replied take expensive gift(gold bangles) worth $ 13k,that she always wanted to get and asked me but I could not.

2) Just send her formal email and that’s it and not talk about anything ?

3) Just send her email and if she agrees give her just flowers and card ?

She hasn’t moved on as now,i see all depression quotes on facebook but I am not sure,i can tell that I have tried but cant move on,she really loved me and I took her for granted.

Please advise.

Cheers
calicooldude

[scatteredtracks]

I think your best option is to just send her a quick email saying happy birthday. If she replies in a positive manner then send her flowers and a card. You shouldn’t have to pay $13k to win someone’s heart – she might just take the bangles and then not speak to you again. If you think things are going well, you could ask her in another email if she received the flowers and then go from there. It all sort of depends on how she responds to you. Good luck!

[kalicooldude]

Yes,thanks scatteredtracks,i will email her one line wishing bday and see response to it and act accordingly…I think she might not respond to my email but keeping my fingers crossed.

It is very hard to move on and I never imagine my life will change like this,where I think about her everytime and its been 1/5 year now…:( sucks.

Gold bangles I thought that it might give her security that I still love her and that’s why I got expensive gift for her but you are RIGHT I cant buy her out esp she is not materialistic at all.

Thanks again !

[kalicooldude]

Anyone with ideas or views ?
If I meet in person should If she agrees which is highly doubtful,should I take some small gifts like tshirt etc ? or just flowers & cards is fine ?

[anthurium]

Hi Kali,
Good to hear from you again. Firstly congratulations on your long NC!
I think the best option is the short email, and then if there is an opportunity give her a card and flowers. So from your options, number 3 is the best. My concern with the bangles is that it will look too much given where you are both at and it will be a turn off. I think if you feel there is a chance, stick to card and flowers. Be light hearted about it – friendly rather than romantic.
Only when there is no chance left, then I can imagine a last ditch letter with the bangles (she may as well have them right) – along lines of “I can see that you have moved on and there is no chance for us now. I bought this gift for you a while ago and have been trying to find the right moment to give it to you. As our lives go separate ways now, then I hope you will accept this gift as a memento of my love for you”. In your own words obviously. This could change a 0% chance to a 1% chance as it could stimulate emotions.
For now though, stick to email, then flowers and card and lets hope this opens the door. Try not to come on too heavy too soon, keep it light if you do manage to have some meet ups with her. I think you need to appear to have moved on. Relationship Rewind recommends a fake friendship – I don’t know if it works (and I think it must be really hard to carry out when you have feelings for someone) but I think it probably does help recreate a bond when it seems all else has failed.
Good luck kali, hope everything else is well with you

[kalicooldude]

Thanks Anthurium @
You are genius

I will email her first and if she replies in positive mannery,i will ask her if we can meet up & than take flowers/card with me.
I am not sure how I will do fake friendship part,as I have still very strong feelingss and also I am not sure if she will reply to my email or would agree to meet up.

Right now I am getting all ready and nervous,just on diet plan and hitting gym,will do nice haircut a day before and will prep myself,just in case she wanted to see me in person.

Hoping it will open up the door and if not my bday is also coming up on 13th dec,so that is the 2nd option to connect and see if she wishes me bday.

If none of the options work,than I will play the bangles part and see how it goes.

I generally don’t give up so easy but this girl did hurted me bad and if she doesn’t agree on all 3 occasions, I will try to move on with my life….(

Thanks again,btw how are things at your end ? Any updates or progress.

[anthurium]

Your plans sound good. I agree on the fake friendship thing – I read on this site quite a lot of people that have developed a fake friendship and then get hurt when it doesn’t turn into anything more. Even if it worked, I don’t know if I could do it myself – it must be incredibly difficult. Though there are probably particular situations when it helps open the door I guess – if communication is proving hard to rebuild, then faking friendship is one way to do it.
For me – I don’t have any updates really. I think I probably need to devise a plan – a point at which I make contact. But really I think it is over for me and my ex so I’m mainly focussed on moving on. I think I am hesitant to restart contact because it will just make it clear that it really is over – also because I’m not sure on my approach – try to build a friendship or what. The thing is, you can’t really devise a full plan as such, because things happen in real time and you have to gauge each step based on their reaction to things. Oh, its so tough!
I don’t come on here so much any more (maybe that is a small positive sign) – but I will look out for your messages if you make any over the coming weeks. I really hope it works out for you – she was keen to marry you once and that means she sees in you the qualities she is looking for in a life partner.
All the best

[kalicooldude]

Ok.I wished my ex happy birthday today in an email,very simple 2 line email wishing her.Not sure if she will respond to it.Its been 4 months of 2nd NC now,last time I spoke to her was July2nd

I have done my part as always and left it on her.

Thanks everyone,wish me luck…now it is almost 1 year 6 months I am waiting for this girl and have not moved on.

Never knew love can change me so much.

[kalicooldude]

No response from her…:(

[kalicooldude]

I guess once the girl closes the heart and do break up,you cant open it no matter what you do to bring the relationship back.

I think I am done,i wished her bday thru email after doing 4 months of NC and it was 2nd NC,but she didn’t even bothered to reply thank you.

I will try to move on by end of the year,not worth waiting and working to get her back even I didn’t give up for 1/5 years.

Good Luck everyone.

[redvelvet]

Wow 4 months and she didn’t even say thx. Seems like she doesn’t want to revisit the past to fix things. This girl definitely sounds like she has moved on. I have an ex similar to you in my life. He sends me random messages, tries to deliver flowers and call me. He won’t give up even though it’s been years since we have been together!! But I’m so over him and I don’t reply to e-mail messages/calls/texts because I feel like I would lead him on and hurt him even further. I think your ex feels the same way. A girl will re-open her
her heart after a breakup but she definitely has to feel like the relationship is worth fighting for, she can see herself growing older with him and she’s got to madly be in love with him. Your ex sounds like she’s the opposite of all those things in that list so I wish you luck in moving on.

[kalicooldude]

Yes,she was in madly in love and begged me for 2 years to get married but I could not as of my personnel reasons.(ex wife divorce + other issues)

Now I have been trying from 1/5 years and she don’t even budge,she is not seeing anyone else but doesn’t want to come back to me.

I have done my best to bring her back to my life and proposed her to get married which was her long time wish,but now she doesn’t want to do anything related to me,no phone call,no text and not even emails.

I think it is worth for me to move on now…:( I did made lot of changes and worked on all my mistakes but still she is not opening up door or giving me atleast last chance.

f*** this stupid love

[anthurium]

Hi Kali
I’m sorry to hear this. Its still quite soon though – perhaps give it a few days and see if she responds. Then maybe the absolute last ditch effort – send the bangles but make it clear its a goodbye thing – you bought them ages ago, not sure what to do with them so figure she may as well have them as a memento of you. Wish her well in her life. Make it clear you are disappearing. Then I’m afraid, you need to assume you wont hear from her, and move on. There is 1% chance she might respond to the message but really its your sign to yourself that its over.
I’m so sorry Kali. I thought redvelvet’s response was useful – its a reminder that the other side can feel very differently about things to us. I think we are both in this situation. I am starting to move on to be honest – I don’t come on this site so much any more, I’m focussing on my life, as I know you are too. I miss my ex less (though writing that makes me feel a bit sad – he really is slipping away 🙁 Kali, we’ll find new partners because we are genuine, warm people – and we have learnt by our past relationships. Warm wishes for you

[redvelvet]

@Kalicooldude, I don’t agree with Anthurium on sending your ex the bangles. She is just going to see it as a really pathetic attempt at trying to buy her love. I know because my ex sends me expensive things all the time and I give them to charity. I’d use the money that you were going to spend on the bangles on something awesome for yourself. I think you have done enough last ditch efforts.

When an ex truly cuts you out of her life, she won’t care if you make a goodbye gesture or if you disappear or not because you aren’t in her life anyways. To her, she’s emotionally detached from you and the relationship so it makes no difference on the things that you do. She doesn’t want to have a memento of you or the relationship because it will only be a reminder that you guys didn’t work out. That’s my perspective from dealing with an ex bf who refuses to let go even though it’s been ten years since we dated.

[kalicooldude]

I am sorry for late response,i am sure my ex is emotionaly detached herself from me and the bangles are not going to make any difference.It is just me who is not accepting the fact even thou it is 1/5 years.

She didn’t even bothered to say thank you in an email.I spoke to her sister and gave her a very small gifts, which she gave it to her and asked her that she should go back with me as I am waiting for long time but my ex response to her sister was very rude and basically told her to mind your own business.

My ex is one of girl who once closes door it is very hard to open,her sister told me that one time she closed the door on her and didn’t speak with her for 2/5 years even though it was her real sister.

She also said she is not sure what is in her mind,and she is not seeing any other guy at this time.

I am not giving bangles and my bday is 13th dec so I will see if she wishes me or not.

Thanks guys for support.When relationship ends it is loose for both parties not just one,so she also gave her 4 years to me and also will have unpredicted future and the same applies to me as well.

REDVELET 10 yrs is very long time either you have too many qualities that this guy is not giving up or may be he is big time looser that he is not getting anything.This is long time and also I feel if other person gets a good partner they don’t care about previous partners anymore,end of the day it is all about how you get partner in future.If it is better than ex you don’t care or if it is worse you regret and feel it was part of your destiny.

Thanks both red @ anthirum.

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