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I wasn’t sure whether this should go under No Contact or Reconciliation. I have been in no contact since my boyfriend broke up with me right days ago. What I have trouble with is social media. I have his YouTube and know his Instagram. I was checking his Instagram last night when I noticed some things he posted either got deleted. Curious, I wondered if he was doing some cleaning out on his Youtube portion of things. That’s where I saw a new video I hadn’t noticed before. I didn’t listen to it and had my phone muted because I knew hearing his voice would just make my heart ache. But he titled the video referencing me (I won’t give out the name of the video for privacy reasons) and he left a quote in the description. The quote is: “ “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” – Steve Maraboli.” I have not contacted him, but I’m just afraid of what this means. Does it mean that he’s using me for material by posting this song? Does he want my attention? Is he moving forward and does this mean that I have absolutely no chance of trying to get him back? I’m really confused, scared, and hurt. Not sure what I should do.
Also, I try my best not to look at his social media, but sometimes I just find myself looking at it. Should I unfriend him on all accounts? Or is there some tip that someone can give me that I can say to myself every time I want to look? Thank you for your time and reading.
@kikiAsakura All this stress over a guy you never met in person?
The caption under the video says it all”.. unless you realize the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” He wants you to realize the situation is over and wants you to move on. Stop looking at his social media and every time you’re tempted, tell yourself it won’t help you move forward.Just thought I’d do a little update here. I ended up feeling self destructive towards myself about a week ago and decided to change on of my frequent social media tabs to a deleted user (without actually deleting my social media account). I felt like this was much needed because I was having difficulties with some of my friends telling me I needed to move on right away and cut my ex out of my life altogether. I had not contacted my ex since the breakup, and it had been less than two weeks when some of my friends were being mean to me. I felt like I needed to shut off social media and not be tempted to go keep checking back in. So by doing so, I spent three days in that “deleted user” state and ended up barely touching my phone. It was a bit hard, but I felt like my head had become clearer with less people coming at me, telling me what I should do.
Now during this period, my ex reached out and messaged me. He said that he was really concerned for me and cares a lot about me. He was worried that I’d do something harmful to myself during this period as I cut off everyone and didn’t tell anyone where I was going or what I was doing. He mentioned that he missed me and he wished his feelings didn’t change. He missed talking to me, missed being with me and feeling how he did. He wished he could have me in his life as a friend at the very least or just know that I was okay. I thought about what the EBP book and some e-mails I received and just briefly reached out to him. I thanked him for his message and said that I needed to do some thinking on my own so I changed my user name. I then just followed the advice of saying that I am still hurting from the breakup and need to give both of us space and when I felt like I could, I would reach out as a friend to him again. I asked him to be understanding of this and he didn’t reply back, to which I feel was his way of understanding.
Over the weekend, we were both playing the same game (but not in contact with each other just in the same game at the same time). I got a bit obsessive and asked a mutual friend to check what he was doing. When he told me that he saw my ex flirting with some other girl, I broke down immediately. I started to panic and hate myself and felt like it was all my fault this happened. I’ve been very confused and trying to work through the AHW and reading the book while working on myself through this. But I just am confused as to what these nine months meant to him and if it was meaningful at all. One of my other mutual friends said that it would be a good idea to unfriend him from all social media until I felt okay. I went ahead and did that but it was very difficult. I cried a lot and I felt angry at my friend. He’s able to talk to my ex and hang out with him and be okay with him moving on and I honestly feel hurt and jealous towards him. I know it’s unfair of me to feel that way. I want my ex to be happy. I just feel like I was never good enough for him. And I just keep wondering about all the unleft things that happened between us. My anxiety has been pretty bad since the weekend and I have been feeling really confused and overwhelmed with my emotions. It’s like going through a breakup all over again by cutting off ties with him.
Am I doing a goos thing by unfriending my ex during this time period? Should I unfriend our mutual friend who I’m jealous of? He’s a nice guy and helps me through a lot, but I know that when I go through my anxiety/panic attacks and I try to talk to him, he kind of ignores me too. He’s younger so I understand it might be a lot for him to deal with, but I feel hurt when I feel ignored. I don’t know what to do.
On a side note, I started to work out. Tomorrow I will be heading back home from vacation so I can start working and saving to get my own place. I will continue to make therapy appointments for myself too.
@KikiAsakura If you have a habit of hurting yourself when you’re depressed, seek the counsel of a professional therapist. If fact, it might be a good idea to seek counsel also because your emotions are out of control.
All this drama about a guy you never met is silly. And unfriending your friends is immature just because they think you should move on. You should stop obsessing and talking about your ex with your friends. Avoid the guy who is a friend of your ex if you can’t stop being jealous of him. Sorry, but you sound young and immature. Years from now you’re going to look back and see how silly your thoughts and behaviors were..
I’m glad you will continue to make therapy appointments:) I think it will help you.
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