Need a bit of advice

[Wayne Cubed]

Hi all,

Here’s the low down on my situation. My ex and I officially ended just over 3 months ago, she ended it with me because she said she didn’t think she could give me what she believes I deserve but that she still loved me. So I actually started NC and was working my way through bettering myself and she texted me 3 days into it and said she thought she was making the biggest mistake of her life and she wanted me. I took that as she wanted to try to work on things, so started talking again but things still didn’t quite seem right with her. A month later she ended it again, so I started NC again. NC has helped me a lot and helped me realise what I needed to work on. My ex would send me the occasional message, which I gave short but not rude answers to. Fast forward to now and I felt like it was time to send the elephant in the room text, which I did. She responded back to me and thanked me for the kind words and the apology but she also said “If I’m honest I don’t think it’s the end but maybe that’s my problem”. I responded back and thanked her for her kind words and just said it’s not always the end but it’s good to reset and start fresh. She then said, “Sometimes it is the end with people. I don’t feel like it is this time”. Now, I took all of that talk to be very positive that she is thinking about me and has thought long and hard about us. I ended the conversation on a positive note, to which she said take care of yourself. What I’m wondering is, is she getting confused because I’ve said I accepted the end of our relationship? Does she think I want nothing to do with her now? Should I clarify that or just take the 5 days and message again? Thanks!

[pepijn]

Personally, I think it sounds pretty positive. It seems she misses you. I would not immediately shout it from the roof that you want something with her again, rather stick to the plan and slowly build up communication. After a while you can flirt a bit, that should send the message without sounding desperate. You do not want to have a relationship that ends in a month again, so rather take things slow and think about why she is saying things and what it means to you.

[patricia12]

@waynecubed – You wrote:”..she thought she was making the biggest mistake of her life and she wanted me. I took that as she wanted to try to work on things, so started talking again..”

My questions are, did you two sit down and calmly discuss what went wrong and what both of you could do to improve a possible reuniting? IE: what things would you each change in order to make the other happy. Also, how long were you together?

I agree with pepijn in that the situation seems to have positive potential, but you can’t go back to the same old way of interacting with each other. Apparently there are improvements that need to be made, maybe on both sides. I don’t understand what she meant by you deserve more than she can give you, so all these things need to be discussed in order to try and work through them.

I think she knows how you feel and that she misses you. Accepting the end of the relationship shows respect for her decision, but it doesn’t mean she thinks you don’t want anything to do with her.

I suggest (in another week or two) sending a message or calling and ask if she would like to meet up to discuss the situation and try to work through the problems.

Good luck:)

[Wayne Cubed]

Thanks guys for the responses. I’m just taking it slow at the moment. She has sent a couple flirty like messages to me but I’m trying to not to be full on and messaging her all the time. Gives her space and time to think, I believe.

@patricia We we’re together for just under 3 years. We did discuss the problems previously. My ex unfortunately suffers from depression/anxiety and lack of confidence in her self. This has come about from previous relationships where she was mentally and physically abused. I think from my perspective and what I’ve realised is that I needed to be more supportive and encouraging. I know I’d get frustrated when she slipped into the darker parts of her depression and I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it all. She’s finally gotten back into therapy so I knows she’s on a better course now.

To be honest, I’m not exactly sure myself what she meant by “she can’t give me what I deserve”, I think she possibly wasn’t in a good place mentally? At this point I don’t want to push her for answers. I’m enjoying the occasional conversation and I’ll work towards her opening up about what she meant by those things she said.

Thanks again!

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