-
Posts
-
Belle, is this a new guy? I think you should give it a shot, have a nice meal, enjoy yourself. If you end up deciding he’s not worth the long drive then you can call it quits. I’m just worried you might regret it later if you don’t go only because of logistical reasons. You might end up having a great time!
Also I think it’s great you’re communicating with your ex. Getting everything out on the table might be what the both of you need right now.
Hi Unimare,
Thnks for your words of advice, yes I should go to meet this guy. It’s just a long way but as you say I need to get out and I might actually enjoy myself!
belle, go meet this new guy!! if its a cool place, it will be a fun night out regardless of the outcome! also just practicing some dating after all these years might be kind of fun and a bit exciting. meet him one time and if you aren’t interested then don’t do it again, but theres nothing to lose! when the guy I’ve been seeing now asked me out initially i didn’t want to go because my heart wasn’t in it and it was freezing out but all my friends forced me to do it and i think its been a great distraction for me at the moment. sometimes we need to push ourselves to leave our comfort zones – especially after the break up!
as for the emails with your ex, what a positive turn around! that is HUGE that he is still paying some of your son’s school fees. it is not necessary on his part and shows he is not ready to sever all ties yet. i would definitely view that as a small victory. i also think him responding to all of your emails speaks volumes. its all going in the right direction for sure. i still think he needs some more time to process everything and to take responsibility for his own actions, but answering your questions and communicating positively is a step in the right direction. as for you agreeing with the break up, i think its a good thing for right now. its taking some of the pressure off of him to communicate and answer honestly. i also told my ex last time we spoke that i agreed with him – that i think taking time to be single to get to know myself and also to date others to confirm how i feel about our relationship is beneficial. i think the more equal we can make the playing field, the better. I’m so happy for your good news! I’m in nc still…day 17! and i wonder if its making it easier for my ex and pushing him towards the new girl and helping him get over me. regardless i can’t be concerned about that at this point because not talking to him has definitely been helping my overall happiness
Thanks atea,
Yes I shall meet this guy, not that I really want to be I think I just need to. It would be quite good if he likes me and I don’t him… Lol. Damn it it’s the other way around!! Haha.Yes it’s a positive step the communication with my ex. He doesn’t have to contribute towards fees and he’s not liable to in any way. He never responded to my last message to him about why does he want to continue. I guess that was pushing a bit much because all he’d have to say is that he wants too that then I would dig more and more.
I just need to back off now, I’m finding NC even harder these days but now I’ve got him to a stage of responding immediately I don’t want to wreck it and start become needy again.How are you feeling atea today?
Belle, yes! It’s hard to push ourselves to go out sometimes but usually when we do we end up feeling better. About 6 weeks after my ex and I broke up my friend set me up with her boyfriends friend who always had a thing for me. We went out for a month maybe? I had zero interest but he definitely developed a crush on me and it was a great self esteem boost. I hope you at least enjoy yourself and can relax for a night! It would be great if he were interested in you regardless of whether or not you reciprocated!
I don’t even know how I feel anymore. The only way I can describe it is numb. I don’t think my ex is coming back. It’s been almost 5 months and he’s made no progress or effort at all. He’s moving on and happy and dating someone else. I just haven’t accepted that we are over yet and won’t have anymore memories. I miss him as a person and the small things about our relationship and just having him in my life. I feel so sad to think he won’t be back but day by day im losing hope and I don’t think that he will be. It’s devastating. I truly don’t think I will ever feel that same level of love, comfort, and happiness with anyone else. Im not miserable all the time anymore and try to stay focused on the positives in my life but im not really interested in dating and I still think about him constantly. I think with my Nc and his new girl he is just moving on and trying to forget and form a new life.
As for you having a hard time with Nc, I don’t think you should stress. You don’t want to come across as needy but sometimes you just need to do what feels right. There is no black or white or right or wrong in these situations. Every time I’ve felt a really strong urge to break Nc I’ve done it. A friend of mine told me everything happens for a reason so whenever I break nc I think of that based on the response I get. I have no desire to break Nc anymore simply because I have no more questions about the relationship and I won’t be his friend. It’s too painful to talk to him knowing he’s seeing someone else so I just don’t want to anymore. I need to just focus on myself and moving forward. But you can’t beat yourself up or force yourself to stick to “rules” regarding Nc. There’s no need to play games or stick to strict rules to “get him back”. There’s no formula here and you need to just follow your heart and do what feels right to you. Don’t bombard him and give him space but don’t drive yourself crazy over what you do or don’t do. Seems like you’re moving in a positive direction with him!
Area,
I know that was meant for someone else but I just want to thank you. Those at very wise words and have hit a mark with me. Although for me it’s nearly 6 months I still have hope that one day if as i believe it’s meant to be it will happen. If not my destiny will lie elsewhere.
Thanks againAtea,
I’m now 10 months in and still feel what you are saying. There is just something for whatever reason I can’t let it die totally. My thought had always been my ex really was such a low key, good girl. I enjoy what she stood for and how she handled herself. I really honestly do feel anything else will be a step down because of her morals and ethics. Like you said it’s also I enjoyed learning and started to enjoy her likes an hobbies. The fact of having to become part of someone else’s life just doesn’t interest me at te moment. I’m becoming real content was just being single and doing whatever he heck I want on a daily basis. I know I don’t want anything serious anytime soon.
Belle,
Sounds like things are picking up for you!! Ex is being more responsive and going on dates. Sweet deal! Best of luck with the new experience.
Mike, I agree. The guy I’ve been seeing is a distraction but nothing more. I genuinely don’t want another relationship right now.
I wonder if us feeling this way about our exes means something or if we’re just stubborn/in denial. Sometimes I wonder if feeling this devoted to him means that we really do have something special and he will be back or if everyone just feels this way after a break up. I just can’t see myself getting serious with anyone else and im not sure what that means. Maybe a year or two from now I’ll feel differently
Atea,
I wish it meant something. I wish it meant something to her. My feeling is even tho she is nice she obviously has no thoughts of reconciling. I obviously did too much for her to want to try again. She isn’t dating to my knowledge and her brother has always laughed that off when I would ask how she is. Maybe she’s a lesbian lol. I don’t know what she wants moving forward in life. I just know she isn’t someone who is forward and very shy and won’t rush into anything with anyone. Maybe she is happy at the moment being single.
We obviously had something special considering we spent many years with these people. I feel like I don’t have years to wait. I’m getting older and if I want to have a family need to get moving on that. It’s not the best sous toon to not have a family and be turning 30. I don’t want to find the express lane, but time is ticking and I’m not someone who wants to move fast with anyone.
Mike, I also wish my ex would appreciate how much loyalty I’ve always had towards our relationship. I don’t think he’s thinking about the future or marriage at all right now because we are too young which makes me think he won’t be considering possibly reconciling for years and then it will be too late.
Do you still plan on talking to your ex about how you feel? She seems really confusing and I have no idea how she would react to that, but I still think you should try. Are you putting it off for a few weeks or have you decided not to bring it up?
I want to bring it and talk to her. This whole situation with her buying a freaking house means she is in no way prepared for a talk. She is someone who gets stressed quick. It’s a horrible time and she will just be overwhelmed and shut down. I know her all to well to know now is a bad time. If she contacts me on my birthday at the end of the month I will ask a few days after to try and set something up. I’m not concerned with her denying my request to hang out since she openly stated in December to me she would still want to do it. She is the one who brought that up. I just need to let it all loose one more time and explain how much she really does mean to me at this current moment in time. Will it go well, I really don’t know
I think it’s great you know her well enough to not do it at a time where it might be overwhelming to her. Telling her how you feel one last time I think will be really beneficial to you. If she does want to reconcile, you will be glad you waited and improved yourself and im sure you will have a much stronger relationship. But even if she doesn’t want to reconcile then you will have hopefully the closure you need to try to put it behind you as best you can. im sure your ex will be emotional just seeing you for the first time after many months as well. Im sure she will reach out on your birthday and you will go from there. I do hope it goes well for you and I have a good feeling about it all! I hope she gets the house thing sorted out soon so you don’t have to wait too much longer to talk to her. Im so impressed with your patience throughout this. Im so impatient – definitely one of my biggest struggles!
It’s just amazing how fast time really does go. I feel like it was too long since I last saw her, but it was before Christmas, wow. I really did get a great sense for her as a person. I still even now don’t want to put any added stress knowing how she deals with. It’s stupid I know. I want to maximize my chance for her to finally really open up. I won’t stand for just her crying if that happens this time. Questions will be asked and my thoughts will be expressed. It’s hard but must be done.
I just really want to know what she was thinking and maybe why there is no chance to try again. Why has she been so emotional as well I need to ask. Cause that makes little sense.
How are you today Atea?
Mike, I agree. Even if she doesn’t want to reconcile you deserve answers. She needs to explain why she’s been so emotional and her real motives behind the break up and if she won’t reconcile, why she won’t. After so many years together you deserve answers.
Im feeling very numb. Im getting used to a life without my ex but I just really miss having him and I sadly don’t think he’s going to be back to reconcile. So much time has passed and it’s really crazy. I guess I’m adjusting to this new norm but im not happy and I just feel like there’s nothing I can do to improve this situation. It just sucks overall.
Didn’t take long for my ex to start getting bitter, in fact I’m getting really tired of it. He makes accusations but then doesn’t explain himself.
I’m becoming to the idea that he’s just a tad immature and childish for me. On the other hand I think it’s quite funny how he is.On another note, I’ve cancelled my date tomorrow. Interestingly I text him to apologise and that I thought the distance was too great and again apologised. Anyway, I text him an hour and half ago and he’s not responded. Maybe he won’t which is good because I made the right decision. If he was keen he would have responded and said he was sorry and suggested to meet closer my way. As of yet he hasn’t so presently so I’m glad I used my intuition.
Mike
Yes you deserve answers and it’s not unreasonable to get emotional, if she cries that’s ok. If she cries a lot is it her way of getting out of situations? I don’t know some people can turn water works on too easily. I maybe wrong though and she maybe genuinely emotional and distressed.Atea,
I think we will all feel the void until it’s filled again. I don’t think we ever feel fulfilled being on our own. We can adjust and adapt but we are all meant to be with someone at the end of the day so until the void gets filled I don’t think you will ever be truly happy. Enough time and adjusting needs to happen before we can move on. I don’t think any of us are near that time at all. We need to address all issues before even considering a meaningful relationship, it will take time but you will know when the time is right. That’s another reason why I ditched this guy tomorrow, the distance and I think his personality doesn’t suit me so it’s a waste of time right now. I’d rather go out with the girls and have fun at the moment. Early days still!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.