-
Posts
-
I agree Mike,
How can people move on so quick? I can understand if someone was so incredibly unhappy and was a long drawn out ending but if it was pretty much ok, still having a laugh together then how can that person just move on!? Strange.
Sharing a life together to suddenly separate and not to make much contact. It just makes you wonder what it’s all about and are there people who can just split and go separate ways and others like us that are left in pieces.Change of subject slightly here but I’ve been on this dating site for a few weeks and this guy contacted me, seemed ok ish and he didn’t really want to exchange loads of emails but he gave me his number. Been wondering whether to call or not all morning and spur of the moment decided to call his number which yes he answered but we’ve arranged to speak later as he was just about to go into a meeting.
Sounds like a nice guy.
I put phone down and burst into tears, not really sure why. Maybe a realisation that maybe I’m not ready for all this? Even if i say to myself it’s just for fun, to date, nothing serious etc. why am I so sad and tearful. I’ve no desire to reach out to my ex though which is very good!Hope all is well with everyone. How was the date atea?
mike, i couldn’t agree with what you said more. there are times i find myself laughing with friends, not thinking about it, but other times i just stare off into space and wonder what he’s doing. i really just miss him as a person and having him in my life. we have so many memories together and i just can’t accept that there wont be any others. sometimes i find myself sitting and laughing about jokes we had and i just wonder if he thinks about those and is ok never having those things happen again. it still feels surreal at times. i just wonder if he’s moving on more than me or if he sometimes sits for hours like a time like i do reminiscing on all the good times in our relationship.
belle, i actually just got back from my date…ended up spending the night which i NEVER do!!! this guy is really great and he seems to be getting very emotionally invested. I’m not really sure how to feel about that. on one hand i feel like i should go with it because i have a lot of fun with him and its been so nice hanging out with him and seeing him, but on the other i feel like its unfair to him because my heart completely belongs to my ex. but then i remind myself my ex is doing this with someone else who might already have his heart so i can’t exactly sit here waiting for him. its all very confusing. i think its completely normal for you to be tearful after that!! i was teary eyed on many first dates i went on right after the break up through dating sites. i really tried to push myself as my friends kept telling me its the only way to move on, but i would get very emotional. maybe youre not ready, but it wont hurt to just sit and talk to a nice guy over a cup of coffee or glass of wine. no pressure, but just putting yourself out there and getting dressed up for an hour will make you feel like a normal person again! just take it very slow and casual. as for having no desire to reach out to your ex, I’m happy to hear that! i had a small urge to text my ex and tell him i missed him and then i completely snapped out of it. it would’ve made the past two weeks nc for nothing and I’m determined for him to break it first and have to feel the void of not having me in his life. plus if i do want to give this new relationship a fair chance, i can’t do it when i go home and call him after. i do wonder though if this new guy starts to want to make things official or more serious if i should tell my ex so he hears it form me and give him a chance to make up his mind. i don’t know. i guess i need to keep taking things one day at a time!
Atea,
Sounds like you had a nice night. It’s good you had fun last night.
I’m having a rough day lol. Uneasy feeling all day so far. I hate feeling like this. I signed up for tinder and was going through the pictures and just wasn’t feeling it. This really should be easier. This constant good weeks followed by a few bad days is not a good feeling.
Mike, sorry you’re having a hard day 🙁 I am too. I keep thinking back on all these random memories with my ex and I just can’t believe it’s done. And then I remember he’s actually dating someone so even if he did come back it would never be the same. The whole thing is pretty devastating. I was tempted to reach out and discuss it again with him but I know there’s no point so I refrained. This whole process is so hard and frustrating
Mike,
It’s only normal to have the off day here and there, we are human after all!
The fact that the bad days are fewer than the good days is a good thing. I’m still having bad days more than the good.
I joined tinder a month or so ago and found it a bit rubbish. I get mutual matches but then nobody really wants to chat! So I’ve given up with it.
Maybe you will be more lucky.Atea, glad you had a good time with your date. He sounds like a right gent and treats you nicely. Nobody is going to match our ex’s that why we have to look at different qualities in each person and not compare them. Don’t worry about being unfair on him, it’s dating that’s all and he’s aware you’re recently out of a long term relationship.
I too am missing my ex terribly. The everyday things especially, well everything actually! Haha.I was supposed to call back this guy but I didn’t. He sounded so nice on the phone when I called earlier. I may drop him a text and tell him he can call me as and when.
He’s like a really successful guy and it puts me off a bit, I like more low key men who aren’t so driven but I guess I don’t know him and won’t hurt in having a chat.Is all so hard! Really missing my ex and wish I could have a brain transplant and forget he ever existed!
Belle,
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Have you ever seen it?
It’s about a guy and girl who gets out of a long relationship and have a procedure done to erase each other out of their memories. It’s really a crazy, but good movie. I won’t ruin what happens.
Just the title made me smile! I long for eternal sunshine! Lol
I shall check it out
belle,
i feel the same way! i miss the small things about my relationship. i wonder if my ex feels the same way! i just wonder if months of nc will make any difference to him at all. its still crazy to me to think we’ll never be together again. will i even see him again?! i hate all these unknowns! i also still have more bad days than good days but i think i am learning how to better manage them now. don’t rush the dating thing! you’ll do it when youre ready. i try to keep an open mind but its really hard. I’m always wishing to check in with my ex and wonder what he’s thinking but he has no idea. sometimes i wonder now that its been almost 5 months if that means something – he hasn’t missed me enough yet to want to reconcile, so will he really feels differently three months from now? I’m still hopeful but i think I’m starting to come to terms that he most likely will not be back. its all so sad for me to think aboutThat’s a great point atea. It sucks knowing my ex doesn’t miss me enough to want to reconcile. I just wish I knew what the hell she wanted or expected. Guess I’m going to have to ask lol
mike, i agree. you’ve been broken up for much longer than me but eventually I’m just going to have to ask. i can’t live the next few years wondering what he’s thinking. if he ever does reach out to me I’m going to really ask him what he thinks will happen in the future. i guess 5 months in the grand scheme of things isn’t that long to know, but if another 5 months from now i still feel no closure and like i haven’t moved on then i will need him to answer some questions for me!
Same here, it’s like all those memories and good time,the intimacy, laughter, In house jokes meant nothing. How can someone just so easily disregard it all and move on.
Yes mike you’re going to have to ask.
Atea, you don’t know if you will be together again with him but for now he’s sadly not around and that’s why we try have a life away from them. I do believe he will be back but it all depends on the timing. It’s a bit like me and my ex, he might just leave it a tad too long. If that’s the case then it’s just not meant to be and happier days maybe with someone new. It’s so tragic though… We shared such special special times and the thought we will never do that again is soul destroying.
We are a sad bunch tonight! Lol
I’m blaming it all on this cold weather belle. It’s brutal here. Miss someone to help keep me warm at night. I used to call her the microwave lol. Yea memories are a sure fire killer for me. When I wrote the letter I put my five favorite memories. Can’t get those experiences back.
Gosh tonight has just been horrible!! Although I’m sorry to hear you have all had bad nights tonight, it does somehow help to know we’re not alone don’t you think?
I hyperventilated two times today from all this and have been crying so much. I went a bit nuts and started texting him about all sorts. I told him I was feeling very lonely tonight, and asked if he too had those nights. He said “I guess, sometimes”. I called him but he was on the phone, and when he was done, over an hour later, he asked if it was important as he was sleepy and I said no, another time.
I read through his email response again and he is basically saying that being with me the past three years was hell, how our arguments gave him heart palpitations and he was in a constant state of fear and stress. I’m just so upset! It’s so frustrating that he’s telling me all this now, now that I cannot do anything about it! I had absolutely no idea it was this bad for him, and I feel terrible. Our arguments were over me being upset with something he had done, and I did have reason to be upset! For instance forgetting our 10 year anniversary and once reminded spending it getting high and playing computer games with his friends. Those sorts of things would upset me and make me feel worth very little. There’s an internal battle now where I don’t know how I could have caused him this much pain (when I was the one in pain from his actions), I feel so bad but I also feel so angry that he didn’t tell me and for how he treated me. I don’t know what think anymore… perhaps it was all my fault?
How can he be this fine with not having said goodbye to me and never seeing me again ever? I suppose knowing now how he really felt during the last years of our relationship answers that question… Who on earth wants to go back to someone that gave them heart palpitations and when they’re happier now? Tonight I actually felt like I was dying as I was hyperventilating, but I’m living on the fact that I had an amazing valentines day. My friends say I’m one of the most chill and level headed persons they know so I just don’t know how to add this all up. Then again my friends were not in a relationship with me…It’s all so unfortunate and I completely feel everything all of you are saying! I want to say “how can they throw it all away?” as well but in my case I’ve realised there wasn’t much to throw away apparently but rather something to be freed of. My ego is so hurt by this right now! Him saying people say he’s so much happier now and seems like a new person has really crushed me, and that he only feels lonely sometimes but then goes off to play computer games and is fine again. He lives alone, doesn’t know many people in his city and doesn’t even seem to miss me. Am I that horrible? Is he somehow doing this on purpose to make me feel bad? It really seemed like he was showing off to me when he repeated it on the phone, wanting to rub it in my face. Is he making me out to be the bad guy so he doesn’t have to feel guilty for the things he did? I have to talk to him about this… I can’t understand why he felt it necessary to tell me he’s seeming so happy and to tell me how awful everything was for him when he knows so well how destroyed I was by everything he did. I don’t understand his actions and I’m so confused. This feels like yet another slap in the face but this time it feels like it’s entirely on purpose.
I stayed round a friend’s and I’ve been a little busy which is why I haven’t been writing so much. I’m going to be a bit of a nomad for a while. I don’t feel like I have a home anymore as my home was with him…
My mom told me to count my blessings, so I’ll be trying to do that. She told me he’s thinking of everything that’s going well in his life and so it grows, whereas I’m thinking of all that’s gone wrong, and so that grows.As for my plan ahead – I got none. At this point I’ll just be contacting him when I really feel like it. I’m in a state of f**k it, the guy doesn’t want me ever again anyway so what have I got to loose. If I felt there was real hope I would play it cool but despite my gut feeling – the reality is he’s told me many times now we won’t work again.
Sorry for the rant and being dramatic, I’ve been particularly emotional the past few days. that rant did help a bit though. I hope you all wake up feeling better!!! I’m off to bed now and I’ll be listing up my blessings. We have to get through this guys! I wish I had a magic wand to fix us all! What a ride this is
belle, i agree with you. it really is tragic! the sad truth is that my ex is not around right now and youre right this will truly come down to timing. i think he will be back eventually at some point to discuss things, maybe try again, or see where we stand and i think thats why a large part of me doesnt want to allow myself to move on. its really a struggle. i hope through keeping nc he starts to really worry about losing me and that can speed up the whole process. i feel better on the whole overall, i just still miss him a lot. someone once told me dumpers usually have a sixth sense just when you start to move on and feel happiness again, they come back. i wonder if that will be the case for me!
mike, i agree. its 1000% the cold weather. i do miss having someone to keep me warm at night! and spending lots of time inside just makes us think more about our exes.
aphrodite, I’m sorry to hear youre having a hard time 🙁 i agree its nice we are all in this together and not alone! you cannot take blame for the way your ex treated you in your relationship or for it ending. it always takes two. I’m sure your ex has good days and bad days just like the rest of us. in a way i think you should view this transition in your life as a way to make a fresh start – maybe move somewhere different or start a new career – you have so many possibilities for right now. i also still think its a positive that your ex is communicating with you. my sister once told me when a guy is done, he is just done and he wont bother picking up calls, answering texts, etc. and none of our exes have reached that point so that is definitely a positive. its hard to plan ahead really. I’m trying to take things one day at a time. as for whether or not you keep nc, i feel like it will personally hit you when youre ready for it. I’m finally at a point where i don’t want to reach out to my ex because it causes too much pain and doesnt change the situation but i think i only reached that point from contacting too much and always getting let down. you need to just keep following your heart and doing what feels right. its true to count your blessings as well. i really do write down 5 things every night that made me happy that day and its truly helped. sending hugs your way and i hope your feel better soon! keep ranting in here if it helps!!
@Aphrodite
Maybe you should meet him for a talk (when you’re emotionally ready of course). I think you should really think about what he said and if you can believe that to be true or if you think he’s just being vindictive. If it’s at all possible that he had those physical reactions to when you two argued. It’s understandable that you didn’t know, but now that you do, I think it would be therapeutic if eventually apologized to him for that (not for everything! not for your relationship ending! just that you’re sorry he felt that way and you’re sorry that you didn’t know, so you might have been able to do something..). Obviously he also has things to be sorry about, but it’s a two way street, and it might be a good thing to be the bigger person and maybe then he’ll follow suit. I feel like your relationship suffered due to poor communication – he couldn’t communicate what was bothering him, and you couldn’t communicate what was bothering you in a way that he was capable of understanding or responding. These kinds of things happen a lot! But I really think it would do you both a world of good to get these things off your chest. Also, I’m sure he will miss you eventually, right now he might still be feeling the relief part, if he was really suffering so much from your arguments, but once those memories dissolve, he can remember the good again. Which is why I think it’s important you continue communication until you reach a common ground. He already seemed quite open to it in that he read your letters and replied to them. Try to take some time to let go of the personal hurt from what he said and really try to understand his side. Even if he’s not a big enough person to do the same, at least you should be able to feel better and definitely you shouldn’t feel guilty. Relationships are a two way street and he was not communicating his reservations to you.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.