-
Posts
-
I also showed my sister in law my exchange of texts with my ex from Monday,Tuesday,and Wednesday. She was with my brother the whole time imwas with my ex so she knew her really well. She also said why the heck would she buy a house in this area when she would always talk about moving to New York for work..surprising to both of us. She also said its really weird the way she acts toward me in the texts. Always being so positive asking a lot of questions and using a crazy amount of exclamation points and sharing her positive news. She said as a female if she broke up with someone she would never act like that so many months down the road or even reach out. She said I don’t understand her motive. She said she thinks from what my ex has told her before we broke up that it seemed like my ex thought I was pulling away from her and that I didn’t want her anymore. This confuses me now because I have over this break up showed her I do still care.
She also thinks she might be giving me some hints about things based on her responses. I will say my ex would always do subtle hints about things and I was horrible with picking them up. I would always say to her, just tell me what you want because I don’t pick these things up. I’m oblivious a lot of the time lol.
My sister in law said what you have said Atea…I need to talk to her and explain what I feel and how I have changed. She said you will regret not doing that one more time because of how I still feel. She said if she says no that has to be it and accept her decision because I can’t keep talking to her like this as it is bad for myself moving forward. She said I don’t understand why she is still reaching out like this and being so nice, something is weird here.
Sorry for the rant
Mike,
Just a word of advice about the tarot, do your research, look out for physic fairs. I paid a fair bit of money, they don’t come cheap for a good one. Don’t just go to the first one you find as there are a lot of rubbish ones out there. Have an open mind too, the reading I had last week never gave firm answers but it’s given me enough to be able look at things how they are because I was already convinced my ex will get in touch and the reading confirmed that but also it confirmed it will never be an easy ride which again knew but it was confirmed.
I have in the past had some spot on readings and yes I have faith in them.Mike, you are going not going to spent the rest of your life alone! You’ve no idea how wrong you are in your belief! Go for a reading and it will relax you and open you up to other opportunities!
You will def meet someone! The thing is is that when you meet that person it’s up to all your experience and intuition to decide whether it’s right or not. As they say, love is blind and we need to use all our lessons learnt to be selective and pick the right person, sometimes the right person might not actually look like what we expect so keep the mind open and never judge a book by its cover.No Aphrodite didn’t reveal her lookalike or otherwise. I beleive she wants to keep anynomous as much as poss. I might be wrong but it’s the impression I get? Aphrodite? Am I right?
Soooo glad valentines day is done and dusted!
Mr cat,
It seems like you ex was very depressed on Valentine’s day. Her saying it’s dumb means the opposite and she was angry she is alone on this holiday. Girls love this holiday so her being alone was depressing. It seems like giving her space will give her more time to think about what she really wants. NC for s bit is the best thing so she can sort out her thoughts. Give her a few more weeks and then reach out in a friendly way and try to have a simple conversation and then a bit after that see if she wants to meet up
If she is posting those things on social media it is apparent she is still thinking about you. As time goes on if she continues to think this way she could start to miss you. Be patient and hopefully good things will happen. Try to,focus on what you may have done wrong and work on yourself. Going back and being the same person will not help you start a new relationship with her
Best of luck CAT
mike,
i agree with your sister in law 1000%. she is spot on. you are no longer too emotional to talk to her about how you feel. its been 9 months, you’ve improved, you’ve accepted it, and now you’ve decided you still want her back because you love her and not because you need her. i think this is the absolute time to lay it all out there for her and i also agree that you will always regret it if you don’t do it now.your ex and my ex are similar in that they are both overly friendly and nice when we talk. my ex also sends so many exclamation points, still tells me he loves me, that he’s proud of me, etc. its really not healthy for moving on. i agree with your sister in law that you should give it one final shot and tell her everything you want to say and if she still does not want to be with you, then you really need to be in complete nc and cut her from your life so that you can entirely move on and keep it in the past. i think your ex has kept the door open by being this friendly and so i think you should give it one last conversation and see how she reacts – you have nothing to lose and don’t want to live with regrets!
Thanks belle,
I’ll take your advice on the reading. I don’t know how many are in my area, but hopefully I will be able to find a solid one for my first experience. I will Google them and hopefully somewhere cons find a few reviews from customers. I have to keep an open mind in this because if I don’t I could wind up angering the reading if I start to laugh…bad defensive mechanism I have lol.
I’d imagine being s girl on Valentine’s day is worse than being a guy. Hope you all didn’t let it bother you too much. You have all been really strong lately do I’m sure you all were fine!!
Atea,
Sounds like you had a very nice Saturday! Did your friends bring that up affect you at all? Lately when my friend has been bringing it up I just tell him I can’t do this talk every Saturday night when I been drinking. It’s time to start not talking about this anymore. He was laughing at me on Monday when I said I had to go because I had to text her back. I guess I looked a bit nervous. It really appears you have continued to handle this sooo well. You are very strong and positive! It’s great news that you are getting groove back lol.
Is Aphrodite doing ok?
I feel like I havnt seen her post in a long time?
Well hope you are doing well Aphrodite!
Sorry I have another question,
I know a lot of you gals always say that this guy isn’t emotional or expressing of his feeling enough? It’s obvious a turn off for you.
As a guy I don’t know really any guys who are like that. Are their really guys out there who act like this?
Also I have always been told since I was young thst girls like strong men and such lol. Wouldn’t showing weakness be a turn off to girls? And you all think guys are complicated, well I think the same about girls:
They never tell you want they want but think you should just know. Always try subtle things to get you to notice them or something they are wearing you bought them. If my ex wore something I bought her when we would go out and I didn’t notice she would get so upset lol. Want you to be strong, but also be emotionally open. Never forget anything you have said to them. Have to have a huge planner with everything planned for the next month. It’s crazy lol. And you all thought you have it bad!!!
@mike2014 Yes I’m here! A lot going on at the minute so I’ll try to respond to things at a later point. My valentines was really good, spent it partying and didn’t even think of my ex as I was having too much fun:) It was the best possible valentines day I could have had considering everything.
A big contrast from how I feel today! I’m trying to resist contacting him.There are quite a few interested guys, but I’m being very cold towards them. I don’t want to date around because that could make me move on from my ex (or feel more pain as they won’t compare), and I guess a large part of me actually doesn’t want to move on. I still have hope, so I’m unable to face that there is no way of getting him back. It just won’t sink in that he’s willing to let me go – that he has let me go. I’m also worried that if I do move on, I won’t want him back even if he does change his mind. I want him to want me back and I want to want that as well. So complicated isn’t it?
Yes, @Belle is right, I prefer being private but I can say her guess was the closest.
Aphrodite,
So glad you had a good time yesterday! Now, that’s Xmas, NYE and valentines over! Good riddance! LolI know exactly what you mean about afraid to move on. The same thoughts have gone through my head too.
We are not suddenly going to move on just like that and it will take a good part of this year to come to terms. It will be a slow transition and one day we will be ready to leave it all in the past but only when we are ready.
I’ve thought the exact same as you, worried I will move on and he comes back when it will all be too late.
We are all from long term relationships and it will take a long long time to be ready to accept someone new.I’m glad I got something right when it came to our looks! Haha
mike,
it doesnt so much bother me when my friends bring up the relationship because i honestly like discussing it. i don’t like keeping things in and i find it easier to process everything when i discuss it with my friends. the only thing thats annoying is hearing so many differing opinions. some of my friends love my ex and are dead set we will reconcile and get married and some of my friends think after this i need to really let him go and move on and a lot of them have resentment because we took a brief break for about two months a year and a half ago for the same reasons and they are angry that he wanted to get back together only to do the same thing again, for real this time.as for guys being strong and showing emotions – i think its definitely a balance! i liked that my ex wasn’t overly emotional and was strong and rational because i can definitely be dramatic and a bit emotional at times. but i will say he was always good about communicating his feelings. he’s really laid back so it took a lot to rattle him. if i was upset with him, sometimes he would play it off like it wasn’t a big deal and that would bother me but he’s ver non confrontational and i learned to deal with that. I’m extremely confrontational so many of our “arguments” were me talking for hours about how i feel and him just saying he’s sorry he hurt me, but it usually worked for us. i just liked to get out everything i was feeling! and its funny what you said about your ex getting angry for you not noticing things or picking up on certain things. my ex would always say that to me – that i expected him to read my mind and if i wanted him to do something why don’t i just say it. i guess just a difference between girls and guys.
Aphrodite,
your thoughts are mine exactly! i have so much hope and am still so dead set on reconciling with my ex that a part of me doesnt WANT to move on. its really strange sometimes ill find myself happy and thinking about something else and i almost feel guilty for it. I’m also nervous that my ex will want me back after I’ve already moved on. its such a tough balance. it is so complicated. i want him to want me back before I’ve gotten to the point of moving on, but I’m not sure how likely that is to happen. plus i do think a part of me will be resentful if i don’t try to move on as well. so many unknowns and i just keep telling myself that whatever is meant to be will be and i need to stop scheming. I’m glad you had a good valentines day though!belle,
i think youre right that its a slow process and i think for all of us it will just be about timing – if our exes come back before we’ve shred that last ounce of hope for them. I’m seeing the new guy tonight and have treated myself to a manicure/pedicure and a blow-dry to try to get myself feeling good before the date! for some reason i feel happier and back to myself lately and i almost wish my ex knew it. i guess they have some kind of sixth sense. i do wonder when i will hear from him again.Atea,
Me too! I feel so much better, have spring in step and wish my ex knew how I feel.
I guess by NC they will soon know that we are no longer contacting them and that’s when it will dawn on them that we really are getting happier and as you know that’s when the penny will drop and they will then start thinking about us more, wondering if we are moving on ourselves. That’s when we will hear from them.
For you, well your ex could contact you at any time, I don’t think we can predict as it could be very random. As for me, I’ve a long wait, maybe in 3 months!?! Haha. My ex will def contact me, but it can’t see it any time soon.How nice to have a mani/pedi and blow dry! Pushing the boat out I see! Lucky guy. Hope you have a good time tonight. Just enjoy it for what it is. Again, your ex is doing it so why not you!
Does your ex know about your new guy?belle,
i agree. clearly we have both had a difficult time sticking with nc! i think if we really get beyond the 6 week mark and keep up with the nc they will for sure be wondering what happened to us and where we went and if we are really moving on. youre right that that is when they will probably contact us. i think my ex will hold out the next 2.5 months but we will see. I’m happy i have this end point in sight or i think keeping nc indefinitely would be much more difficult.i am really trying to give this new relationship a chance! he’s a great guy and has been really nice to me and youre right – my ex is doing it so i should be as well. even if it is just a rebound or a fling/distraction, why not?! its nice to feel wanted and appreciated. when my ex and i spoke two weeks ago i told him i had just started seeing someone casually and he cut me off and told me he didn’t want any details or to know about it. when i saw him in december he told me he never wants to talk about or hear about or thinking about who I’m dating or what I’m doing. so when i mentioned this, he changed the subject and said he didn’t want to discuss these things – that if i wanted to ask questions about who he was seeing he would answer me but that he certainly didn’t want to know any details about me unless i was starting something serious. so yes, he knows. he also knows i dated quite a bit after the break up – i had a rebound that lasted like 6 weeks and he knew about that because we were still speaking and he knew i had been on a couple random first dates because i actually had run into two of his friends on two different occasions! he is aware I’ve been dating but i haven’t really developed real feelings yet so i don’t think he’s threatened. plus me calling him two weeks ago kind of reaffirmed that I’m still hung up on it. the only way to send the message that I’m moving on is through nc. I’ve never been one to keep it or be secretive about my feelings so he will be curious to see! and for now I’m just riding out this new relationship – well see what happens going forward. I’m not sure i want anything serious but until he mentions he does, why not just have fun with it!?
Atea,
You sound quite like me. Sensitive! Up till now the NC has been awful. I agree if we can do strict NC for 6 weeks they will really start questioning whether we’ve moved on and that’s when we will hear from them. I know it’s been out of our control to not contact them, the emotions become too strong and we cave in because it becomes unbearable.
Maybe this time we are both in a better position to really keep to NC because as you say every time we make contact we are proving that we are still hung up on them.
The last time I contacted my ex he was actually asking questions, not being nice and still angry. So he’s still not indifferent. This is obviously a good sign.
However, I do wonder if a few months more down the track if I will want him back. He might need to grovel! Lol!Have a good night out atea, I’m off to sleep as nearly midnight over here.
Let us know how the date goes. Have fun!belle,
i agree. I’ve had no control over my actions when I’ve broken nc. its like a huge temptation comes over me and i simply can’t help myself. i will say now that I don’t want to break nc anymore. nothing my ex says helps. if he says he’s not thinking about me and i should move on, i feel crushed. but if he says he loves me and will be back eventually, i feel even more confused. i feel in a good position to keep nc this time because i feel its my ex’s responsibility to break it and i have nothing else to say. he will be shocked if i keep it and i think he needs to feel scared about me moving on and i need to take some control back over my own emotions! my ex and i had a really nice, mature, and honest conversation two weeks ago so ill leave it at that until he feels ready to discuss something further. both of our exes are not indifferent so i think they will reach out eventually. i agree! I’m not sure if ill still really want him as badly – the more time passes, the more i feel myself closing off to him. and if he does come back, i want him to earn it!i will update you with how the date goes! hope youre sleeping well!
Aphrodite,
“I guess a large part of me actually doesn’t want to move on. I still have hope, so I’m unable to face that there is no way of getting him back. It just won’t sink in that he’s willing to let me go – that he has let me go.”
I hear ya. Many days I feel the same way. Ultimately, there was a reason all of us who talk in this thread should feel this way. We spent so many years with these people. These were not just a quick fling relationship for like 6 months (still don’t even think those are real relationships).Their was a lot of love shared. lot of memories. A lot of time invested. I struggle just packing all that up and moving my tent elsewhere. We did have a great connection with these people. It’s so hard to just completely let go. I don’t understand how some people can just move on so quickly after getting like divorced after so many years of being with someone…sometimes a feel jealous of those people. I try to forget some days and not think about her. I have days where I feel good and weeks sometimes. I also have nights like last night when it’s an off night and I catch myself sitting at the bar with friends and just being distant for awhile thinking about her and having that uneasy feeling resurface.
If I ever really sit down and think to myself she will never be in my life again…I know it still doesn’t sit well and hurts. I try really hard to bury that thought deep inside.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.