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You guys, I’m really struggling. I just want to stay in bed… don’t want to live. I don’t want to do anything. I’ve started eating for comfort and i’m gaining weight. I’m a mess. I keep reaching out to my ex every 3 days and it’s terrible. I’ve made an ass of myself and i can’t seem to stop. It happens when I have a glass or two of wine š It’s like i forget about why i’m doing NC. I miss him so much in the moment that I project my feelings and think, “he must miss me too!” And reach out. UGH.
What day of NC is everyone on? I feel so hopeless and depressed. I’m afraid to live this life without my ex. He’s my family. I’ve never loved anyone like i have him, and I can’t bare this. I really believe he’s moved on. He told me he has no feelings for me back in December, and said he cares, but not like a boyfriend/girlfriend type of care. So I know he won’t be back. The only way he’d ever come back is if he dates for a few years and doesn’t meet anyone “better”. And if he sees i’ve worked out my issues.
I know I need to work on myself, but I am too depressed to. I feel suicidal. I keep thinking, if i’m still feeling this way in a few years, i’ll just end my life. I can’t live this way.
I know they say the way to get your ex back is to move on, to learn to be happy with yourself, apply LOA. But what if you can’t stop loving them? What if you’re so sad that you just can’t do this. I don’t even want to force myself to date because I don’t feel happy with anyone but him. I feel repulsed by other guys, even guys I know I should be attracted to. I know there are millions of people in this world, so many opportunities for love, but I honestly believe I won’t find this kind of feeling again. I live in a small city where people typically suck. My ex is very unique. He’s very flamboyant, a lot of people even think he’s into men, haha. His behaviour is not typical for a straight guy, and i’ve gotten so used to that! So I feel like i’m doomed to be unhappy without my ex. Like i just have to get used to being this sad.
Someone tell me this will get easier. I’m going to stop drinking so I can remain NC. I just, miss talking to my best friend. ANd it hurts so much knowing he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. How do I mean so little to him? How is this so easy? This rejection is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life.
Haha, thank you @Belle!!
I donāt know where the break up warrior queen went, I think she said something about being back soon. I hope she meant it!Gosh I am scared. Heās read it and he said heās going to reply to every question. Iām expecting short, cold and to the point answers. I agree, I do have a right to know! And itās better to know than not, I hope.
I agree with your therapist, once relationships get out of sync nobody listens to each other. Thatās what was going on between us towards the end, nobody was listening and frankly none of us were really communicating.
Yes we definitely need to take that step back, or rather step out into life and away from the past and future we had imagined. I laughed because youāre so right about the wide eyed look not knowing which way to turn, in the middle of a wreckage.
And D did indeed come back. That should relax all of us, especially you Belle! Your ex is only being an arse away from you because he canāt treat you like that to your face, he would feel guilty if he did! Heās highly emotional and I do believe that will ease, but itās not anything you should wait around for! Youāre too precious for that.
Thank you for the reassurance! Taking deep breaths here!
@atea1234 Thank you!! Youāre so rightā¦ Donāt be ruled by fear. Thanks for reminding me of that!
And also thank you for reminding me that what he responds may not be the be all end all. My ex has also been extremely up and down so Iām aware he can change his mind a lot.
Youāre right, time will tell everything. Yes, weāve got to try to let things unfold naturally and not be too controlling of everything. We sure did loose a lot of our sense of control as we were broken up with, but we should embrace the uncertainties of life and not fear them.Ladiesā¦
He just text me saying he canāt respond until Friday. He seemed quite humble in his texts, and he was doing a lot of excusing for why he canāt respond sooner, even after I said it was ok.
Okay now he text me saying screw it, heāll respond now and wants my second email straight away when heās hit send. This is all going down ladies! I asked him if heās sure, and he hasnāt responded yet. I donāt know if he is passed out asleep or busy typing a response still. Ugh Iām nervous. I donāt want to be crushed again. Counting minutes here.Okay Iām writing this as it happens. He responded, rather coldly, to everything. He stated he did not cheat on me like I thought he had, and I actually sort of believe him this time, it was just unfortunate how it all seemed that way. He told me everyone says he seems so much happier these days, and heās smiling a lot more. That was like a punch to my stomach. However he also stated that isnāt because heās single but because a cloud has lifted from him, that he had over himself during the relationship. Still kinda hurts me to hear that. Also that he cannot imagine us together ever again because we donāt work during the hard times, only the good.
So he asked for my second email the second he had sent this. He got it, and so we were both there reading each others emails. He called me, and thanked me over and over, saying he will forever treasure the second email I sent and that it really resonated with him – and it sounded like he was crying. We hung up as I hadnāt read the rest of his email. This was when I read the part about him never wanting to be with me again. I told him I had read the whole thing but didnāt want to talk. He then texted me back that we should talk, and he called. I didnāt pick up (I was crying), but eventually called him back. We spoke for an hour I thinkā¦ He wants to send me a reply to my second email, but doesnāt want me to wait for it as it may take him some time. We spoke about the emails and about all sorts, and he seemed happy to talk to me. He hopes we can stay in contact and talk like this more. At one point it almost seemed like he was making attempts to flirt, he was definitely making jokes and trying to make me laugh and he asked āso what else is new in your lifeā hinting towards wanting to know my status with other men, which I dodged. I was the one to end the call as he seemed sleepy and has work. I tried to end it twice before but he wanted to keep talking. Of course Iām happy, but I cannot read into this too much. The man has specifically stated that he never wants to get back with me again, and that we donāt work as a couple. I donāt know how I feel. I canāt sleep. I keep thinking of how everyone else is saying he seems so much happier without me. What an awful thing. They must all be thinking good riddance:( Nobody knows what this man put me through at all as I kept everything secret, and theyāre there probably thinking I was the only one that ruined our relationship and I must have been a bitch. Good thing he at least knows thatās not the truthā¦ To be honest I think itās rather unnecessary of him to tell me how happy he seems to everyone else now, he repeated it in the phone call even. Donāt you agree? Here I am wanting to die and heās happier than ever. I donāt know what to make of this or how I feel.
@maebe
Iām so happy that you typed up this post, because I have been feeling the exact same way that youāre describing! The only difference is Iāve lost my appetite, and Iām already too skinny.
I definitely agree that you should go cold turkey off alcohol and not have any until you feel emotionally stable. My mother always said donāt drink to forget, drink to celebrate. So donāt drink when you feel sad because it can intensify it, only drink to intensify the already good!Iām not doing NC at the moment, Iām in the middle of making contact to get closure, or see if any type of friendship can be formed. Before this I did 30 days of NC.
I really think you should do the following: get yourself a therapist, check out āBrad Yatesā (especially his video on releasing emotional pain) and Actualized on youtube, read lots of self-help material, eat plenty but eat HEALTHY. You WILL feel better when you eat healthy, it just happens! Reach out to the people around you that care for you. Cry and let it out, and sleep on it!! however bad you feel, sleep on it.
I feel repulsed by other guys too – but I have actually met one other guy that I donāt feel repulsed by. Thatās all it takesā¦ just one guy. You will too, but the most important thing right now is that you work on yourself so you feel a tad more stable. You have your whole life in front of you, and as sad and as distressed as you are now, that DOES NOT equal that you will be forever, or even for very long. It is not a mathematical formula that has to be a certain way, and equal a certain result.As much as your ex was unique to you in so many ways, there will be men that will be unique to us in plenty of other ways too. It WILL get easier, I promise you!
I absolutely pined for a guy for two whole years before I met my ex. When I met him, the other guy was instantly forgotten. We never know when weāll meet that person that heals our wounds and makes it all make sense again. Sometimes we have to be our own persons to make it all make sense.Itās possible your ex doesnāt care as little for you as it comes across, he could be acting cold on purpose as to do you āa favourā. If however, it is easy for him, then heās not the right man for you anyway. I honestly believe that the universe will deliver what we want if we wish for it, though not always in the forms we had imagined, yet sometimes in better forms!
Overcoming this will make us all stronger in the long run. We have to embrace this challenge that was forced on us. We can learn a lot from it if we accept it as a challenge. Thatās all we have to accept it as, just a challenge. Right now your challenge is to feel better on a general basis, and thatās all you should be doing and looking towards. Iām right here with you and I know how you feel. You have dared to express things in this post that I havenāt said out loud, and thatās a great start as you are being open about how you feel and seeking help. We need support during these times.
Can you think of anything that could make you feel better? Weāve got your back and we are all in this boat together. The boat is taking in water, itās stormy and itās raining – but weāre patching it up and soon weāll be repainting it and setting sails in lovely weather! Hang in there, we will get through this together.Maebe,
I’m sorry you are going through such pain. Just always remember no one is worth taking your life over. Take a few minutes each day to bring up things that you are grateful for. Try to think about everything in life you will miss if you are no longer her. You only get one chance at life, don’t throw this unbeleivable opportunity away because of someone else!
Don’t forget to try to smile a few times and laugh. They say laughing also burns calories!!
@belle, i will never understand guys either!!! the week before my ex broke up with me i had cooked him dinner after work and he said “isn’t this foreshadowing what our married life will be like?!” and all summer we would drive around our hometown looking at houses and say where we would want to live, etc. i really thought all of this was such a done deal for me and now here i am! i also know my ex has been more serious with this new girl. he’s taking her out on valentines day and has become friends with her friends on Facebook. it upsets me but not as much as it did initially because i keep telling myself this girl is not me and i don’t want to be with anyone who could love someone more than me so if he ends up serious with her, he wasn’t the right one and if he ends up not feeling it, maybe he can appreciate me more. no need in stressing over what i can’t control. and tomorrow night i have a date myself!
@maebe, I’m sorry to hear you are in such pain. i know how difficult this can be but you truly can not let this guy ruin your life! i keep reminding myself that my ex was only one part of my life – i still have my school, friends, family, etc. and that has not changed. he is only one piece that is now missing but i have a lot to be grateful for. i make a list each night of 5 things that made me happy that day – even if the things are small such as eating a good meal. i have struggled with eating disorders my entire life and I’ve gotten way too skinny since this whole break up happened and I’m just now starting to put on some of the excess weight i lost. if drinking wine makes you text him, then stop drinking wine!! you need to remind yourself that every time you reach out to him you end up feeling worse and worse. he wont say anything you want to hear right now. if you don’t text him, he can’t hurt you anymore. I’m on day 10 nc right now but I’m holding it indefinitely until my ex reaches out to me. i have no more goals. he broke up with me and he knows how to reach me if he wants to fix it. i think you should try meditating/yoga and also push yourself to take baby steps. treat yourself to a manicure, go out for a cup of coffee, take a walk, etc. even if you force yourself up for an hour a day, it will just take baby steps to get where you are. don’t worry about dating for now – you aren’t ready yet! that will come in time when you feel more confident about yourself. take things slowly, one day at a time and i strongly urge you to find a therapist you can talk to. also, don’t be afraid to lean on your friends. my friends have been listening to me tirelessly babble about all of this for the past 4.5 months and they have been amazingly supportive. i feel truly lucky. hang in there and post in here when youre feeling low!
@aphrodite, it sounds like the interactions with your ex went pretty well today. i agree that was kind of rude that everyone tells him he seems happier now. i mean we all want honesty from our exes but hearing they’re happy when we’re miserable is like a punch in the stomach. I’m not surprised though because i said initially i think all of our exes would be feeling happiness and relief right away as they were the ones who ended it. i think the best shot of them going back on their decisions or changing their minds is going to be months down the road when the relief and happiness subsides and reality sets in and they really start to think about what they lost. only then will they truly know what they want going forward. but I’m glad your ex is being open and honest with you and is communicating and emotional – that is definitely a good sign! he is definitely sad and thinks about you and i also do think he is trying to not send you mixed signals or confuse you. i think truly only time will tell what will happen for any of us. i would continue to give him space – maybe you don’t need strict nc but give him his space and time to really evaluate everything.
@mike2014, any updates with meeting up with your ex?!Morning Aphrodite,
It’s good you got a response so soon from him.
It’s great you were both able to discuss thoughts and feelings but I agree some of the things he said must have really hurt. I guess him saying he doesn’t see you two together again must have been very painful equally as the comment of how happy he is now.
I thought it was lame how he coped out of how you two don’t work in bad times. Who the hell does! That’s why it’s called bad times. Still,how he sees it is personal to him.
He’s saying things that he’s convinced himself to give reason why he no longer wants to be in the relationship then he’s clarifying it further by saying you two don’t work as a couple. That’s not true because you’ve lasted 10 yrs!
To say to you that he’s really happy now is very hurtful, saying how people notice how happy he is, is totally unnecessary. I may say something like that if I was resentful and can imagine my ex saying that to me.
Again for him to say he never wants to get back with you is how he feels now, how can he tell,how he will feel months down the line. Everything he’s saying is what he feels like today.It was good you were able to have a laugh with him relax together. As for the flirting I believe that was part of the relationship wasn’t it? A sexually driven relationship, he’s not completely dropped that part then!
Very nice he asked about your life too, something I can’t imagine my ex every asking to me!Aphrodite, you thought he had a girlfriend. What made you think that?
How do you feel now about the communication and how things went? It sounds positive.
After all that’s happened I don’t think either of our ex’s are suddenly going to turn around and ask us out or to see us anytime soon.
Remember for both our ex’s that they are accepting new lives away from us and are adapting so and that takes strength so really at this point they are focusing on that rather than even thinking about us, let alone think about a reconciliation.
They are Both trying to move forward. I think we are in for the long run here Aphrodite and this is going to take some time!
Again, we need to carry on with the process of mourning and moving on because until such a time then it’s out of our control to an extent.
For you I think to give it time and get in contact for a nice chat as he stated and work it from there but the most important part of this is that you must focus on your own life and not hang on to waiting for the next call to him.How do you feel now? Have you slept much?
I woke really early this morning to usual thought of my ex. The one think that’s hurting more than anything is how herman just totally cut me off. It’s like I was this 6-12 month relationship, that he’s ended it and he’s moving on. No need for contact type attitude. It’s staggering how he is.
It’s also dawned on me that he’s really moving on with life, sorting out somewhere to live and making his own plans in life and putting me totally behind him.
I’ve lied to so many people so far especially over christmas about our status. I got christmas cards to both myself and him and I’ve just not been strong enough to say we are no longer together. Because he works away I’ve just said he’s away right now.
I really though my ex would have kept up some kind of contact for my son, watching him play sports and attending school functions. Ok I know he’s away right now but He doesn’t want to communicate in anyway at all or ask anything about my son which I find just the worst thing ever.
Is he really that bitter or is it his way how he moves on from a relationship?Hes so screwed up it’s beyond words.
Atea,
We wound up texting for alittle over an hour each of the past 3 nights.
It was nice to just converse with her. She always is happy to talk and shares a lot with me which she doesn’t have to. Always says it was a great talk and nice to hear from me. Always considerate and the past two nights says I know you have to be up at 6, am I keeping you up and such.
It’s weird because we still I feel have a connection when we talk, but it could just beat that is all it will ever be. She has no problem asking me questions or telling me what’s going on in her personal life. She even said wow you seem so different and was shocked with some of the things I have been doing. I’m happy she knows I’m changed and better.
She shared some big news she had going on and I showed a supportive side which really floundered at the end. I even mentioned if she needs help with it to let me know to which she responded with a I definitely will and thanks so much for offering I really appreciate it. At first the news got me a bit nervous but she answered my concern herself which was good.
With her news, I can’t ask for her back yet. She’s got too much goin on and the timing is just not right. I’m hoping she does reach out for the help and I can show her in person I’m different than how I was at the end. Soon when she is settled in, I will take a stab at reconciliation.
How have you all been?
good morning all,
i got a terrible night of sleep after finding out my ex is still seeing this girl (semi seriously). i need to stop focusing on him and worrying about me. my friend who i was with last night told me how she’s been having all these 2-3 month flings here and there and i can’t obsess over this because he made it clear he wanted to date other girls so now he’s taking the chance but now I’m panicking because I’m not talking to him and he’s spending a lot of time with her, he will fall for her and become serious. its driving me insane. i cannot ask him about it again but its eating me up inside.
@belle, I’m angry for you that your ex hasn’t even checked in about your son. I’m sure after so many years together that must be one of the must hurtful parts. it must be so difficult that he just cut the contact. maybe its easier for him because he’s been away. when does he come back for good? truthfully I’m not sure what you did that was so hurtful to him but i think the only thing to do is just give him the time and space to get over the hurt. i can tell through your posts how much you really love him, so i think its best to just hold out on the nc and then go back and try again. i always say i think its easier to walk away once you’ve truly tried everything. my ex promised i would hear it from him if he started to become very serious with this girl so i guess if i don’t hear from him before my birthday i should assume it didn’t develop into that. my birthday is now 75 days out…seems like a long time to keep nc but I’m determined. i know i can count on hearing from him then regardless and i think we both definitely need time and space now that he’s seriously seeing someone else and i need to keep trying to get beyond the resentment and get over him because theres a good chance even if he does come back, it will be years from now when he’s starting to feel more ready to settle down. i need to put him out of my mind and try to enjoy my date later tonight@mik2014, sounds like you are on a good path. its good to stay friendly and on good terms and ease back into each others lives more and you will ask her about reconciling when the time is right, but so far all signs are looking good – I’m really happy for you! and happy youre showing her all her positive changes
Mike, that’s great news! It’s fab to watch the friendship unfold like this. You’re playing it like a cool cucumber ! Lol
I wish I was more like you!
You setting everything up for a reconciliation. You’re very dedicated šAtea,
Why he hates me so much is because in fallouts with my ex I would go on a date site and if D ever got in touch I would respond, only if my ex and I had a fall out may I add.
It my reaching out for comfort when things got tough with my ex and I and now I’ve realised I’ve abandoment issues I now know why I acted the way I did.
However, my ex is fed up with it. He feels he loved me so much,gave so much, sacrificed a lot for me to behave like that. I basically pushed him away and now he’s decided he can’t do it anymore.
I never cheated on him,but he sees it differently. He’s sensitive to that and his tolerance is lower than what someone else’s would be.As for your ex, I would find it very hard to believe that he’s found Miss Right straight after you! You’re very emotionally involved and you will automatically think the worst so try relax a little over it. Yes, easier said than done I know. The odds him meeting Miss Right are slim, massively slim! He’s gone out to date other women and that’s exactly what he’s doing!
Try and enjoy your date tonight… After all what’s good for the goose eh!How’s Aphrodite today??
Yep it really was a punch to the stomach and Iām still feeling it. Iām not sure his happiness and relief will pass and turn into missing me, as he was struggling for a long time in our relationship. The sad truth of it is that my mistrust in him and everything difficult going on in my life was really bringing him down, which I understand. I just wish I had known, that he had told me, as I wasnāt aware how badly he was taking everything. His boundaries were invisible, but I should have known they were there, and understood his hints. I will never be so emotionally open and expecting of a man again, because it just ends in tears.
I stupidly sent a friendly text last night, after we had spoken. I didnāt get a response, though I didnāt ask any questions either, but I added a link to a funny video. I think I just should have left it with the phone call. I take his lack of reply as an āoh no, weāre not that close!! Donāt you read into anything from last night!!ā.
Iām definitely going to give him space. Sadly though, I think this is the endā¦ He will be sending me an email but there wonāt be any hints of reconciliation in it, it will be his closure:(
And I know I will be crushed once more when I read itā¦ if he still hasnāt replied to my text until tomorrow, Iāll take that as a clear sign from him that nothing will come from further contact and this is set in stone.
@Belle yes absolutely it was equally painful to hear he doesnāt see us getting together again, however he has already said that before – but hearing that heās happier without me was novel. I wish he hadnāt told me.And I agree, nobody works in bad times. Maybe he will find out one day how good we actually did work considering the issues we were under both in the relationship and outside of it – though I sort of donāt imagine he will have a relationship as bad as what we had towards the end. And yes we did last 10 years, though a lot of it was rocky. In the end he didnāt want to stick it out even though we were quite close to a phase where there would have been far less stress involved.
It hurts me sooo much to hear others are noticing and commenting on how happy he seems. It really crushes me actually, I find it hard finding appropriate words to describe how I feel about it, soul-crushed perhaps. Did I really drag him down that much?? I feel sick when I think about it, considering how much of a wreck I am and have been all this time! I agree if those words had come from your ex, they would have been said in spite. However my ex seemed proud of himself, and like he wanted to share his happiness about how others are saying heās happier, not considering how it would make me feel to hear it. I think he used it more as a way to justify to me that he made the right decision to break up because heās happier now. Ugh Iām utterly crushed. I wish I could get a hug from you because I really need one right about now! I feel like my life is falling to pieces. He really didnāt need to tell me thatā¦!! Of course heās not going to ever want to be with me again if heās seeming happier than heās been in years now!! Itās over, he didnāt respond to my text, and I was stupid and naive to be so hopeful last night. This is so destructive to my self-confidence, Iām not entirely sure how to handle this.
Yes I thought he had something going on with a girl he met while we were together, and thatās still possible. I donāt want to go into it, but I do have reason to suspect it, and everyone I tell agrees. Itās clear that if there is something between them, itās not serious, because I hope to god he would have told me if it was.
Although I felt better and hopeful last night, I really donāt at all today. His lack of response to my text sets the bar for where he stands, and considering everything he said, there is no reason to believe he will ever want to be with me or see me again. Iām now thinking this was more closure to him, than starting up something (which I stupidly felt it could be last night). Yep we are definitely in it for the long run, Belle!
Youāre right, I should not at all wait for him, though I do of course feel anticipation for his response to my second email, maybe just to get it done and rip the bandage off already. I was such a fool for being hopeful! Itās like realising all over again that weāre through, yet I canāt still comprehend it. I’m sorry for repeating myself a bit here, I’m just really quite emotionalI didnāt sleep much at all! A friend called me after that needing someone to talk to, so Iām quite exhausted.
I want to read his email response again, but I canāt bring myself to it. Itās going to hurt too much.
I agree, it is staggering how your ex is behaving towards you and your son after having been in such long relationship with you. I think if he can forget you this easily Belle, you should do whatever it takes not to pine for him.
I completely understand why you have kept it from the people around you. Itās all a very vulnerable situation and getting sympathy and pity can make it harder at times. However it could help you to get support, so when youāre ready I do think you should begin to let people know.I canāt tell you if this is him just being bitter, him moving on from the relationship or both. But I can tell you that you have to treat this as him moving on. Thatās the information you have been given, so thatās what you should attempt to come to terms with and work with here. Yes, he is quite screwed up, and itās screwed up that we can pine for people who treat us so horribly and are so neglectful.
@atea1234 I really feel for you. I would be panicking just as much as you, if not more. He has told you he will say if things get serious, so at least you have that. To be honest I think you could benefit from thinking worst case scenario hereā¦ that way you wonāt get as upset if it happens and you will be positively surprised if it doesnāt. What do you think? Will you still hold up hope and wait for him to reach out on your birthday? And I agree, the best you can do is try to put him in a little box like Belle talked about, and leave him there for now, go out and enjoy your date!@belle, we are all human and all make mistakes. personally, i don’t think those mistakes are unforgivable at all – they are natural hiccups that are experienced in a lot of relationships. does your ex have trust issues from past relationships? i am excited for my date tonight and trying not to think about my ex and this new girl because truthfully no one can predict it – not even him right now. i will say that i feel a strong power behind nc now for the first time. one of my best friends told me initially that i would get to a point of not wanting to reach out anymore and i can safely say I’ve reached it. i don’t want to hear his voice or catch up about stupid things or discuss our relationship. i just want my space to get on with my life and only want to hear from him if he wants to salvage our relationship. so maybe this is a good step?
@aphrodite, im so sorry youre going through this. it can be awful and gut wrenching. i hope you get a nice reply from him and maybe some nice closure will be good for you? I’m not an advocate of false hope but i also do believe that nothing is forever. i have friends whose parents got divorced and re married each other! the truth is, none of us can ever predict this stuff. its just important to keep moving forward and getting your life back and let whatever is meant to be with your ex or someone else just fall into place naturally. i hope this new hunky guy can at least provide some entrainment for you! i definitely would give him space for right now. last night probably stirred up a lot of emotions from him as well – even if he does feel happy and like a weight has been lifted, he obviously has his moments of missing you as well. you were together 10 years!! and his willingness to communicate with you now says something too. he’s not obligated to give you closure or anything. as for my situation, i truthfully cannot predict this situation with the new girl. i think a reason i am so sad is because i know even if we do reconcile things will never be the same. we were each others first loves and first everything and our relationship always felt so pure – something i was so proud of. i knew he never felt anything for other girls and vice versa so i was very confident in what we had. now, even if we do reconcile, our relationship is tainted and i think i will forever hold resentment and never accept him having feelings for another girl. that being said, my ex told me from day 1 that he would be using this time to date other girls – that he had to know if he could have a strong connection with someone else, so i can’t say it really has changed anything about our breakup. i wish i didn’t know for the most part and i guess i didn’t expect him to find someone kind of serious before i did just because he wasn’t looking initially, but the reason we broke up was for him to date others, so he is actually sticking with what he told me initially and he told me he would never return to me unless he did this, so all in all, it can’t be 100% a bad thing. he did tell me if it was getting to the point of getting very serious and i do appreciate that and i would imagine it would take a few more months for him to tell if it will get to that point. right now I’m struggling with holding onto hope and balancing that with moving on. i know as time goes on he will be comparing his relationship with this girl more and more to the one we shared and i don’t know her, but i know we set the bar high with our connection. at the end of the day if he decides to get serious with her i think i will realize he wasn’t the right one for me all along and maybe that will give me the push i need to move forward. for now I’m still waiting for him to contact me on my birthday as its making nc easier because there is an end in sight. we are at an age that we all have graduated college just last year and are just starting to enter the dating scene – in college it is very different! a lot of my friends date guys for 2-3 months and it never develops into anything more. i have no idea how his relationship will unfold and i think its too soon to tell. I’m just doing my best to put him out of my mind for now and focus on my date tonight. i think if he reaches out on my birthday and is still seeing this girl and is still happier single after 8 months post break up i will begin to view it with different eyes.i also think we will both benefit from these 3 months nc. everyday is still a struggle though and i just want the sadness to end and stop thinking about it. i really can’t plan the future – he could come back tomorrow or never or he could fall in love with this girl or never love anyone else – possibilities are endless and i need to let go a little. its so hard for me as i am such a control freak but i am trying!Aphrodite… Big hugs!!!
The one thing that we are all experiencing is the small amount of hope that leads to another tidal wave of rejection emotions.
You WILL find that guy who will make you open up and give yourself completely. Agreed you will be more cautious because you’ve been hurt, but that’s not a bad thing. The right guy with all of us will make us feel secure and loved and because of our experiences we will be on guard until we feel it’s ok to be ourselves in a relationship.
I can imagine how drained you are Aphrodite, most days I’m exhausted by all this and on the days that the tears start flowing it’s even more exhausting. On a positive note, like us all,we’ve learnt so much about ourselves. We are lining up our futures to be better equipped to enter new relationships whether with ex’s or new people with eyes wide open. We won’t make the same mistakes anymore and we will demand nothing but respect and loyalty.
My opinion of your ex telling you how people have expressed how happy he looks is a bit far fetched! It’s was very hurtful think to say to you and unnecessary. I doubt people have noticed a change in him!!! I doubt very much he stayed with you miserable as sin that it reflected in his personality for now people to suddenly notice a change!
When a 10 yr relationship ends it’s a very life changing moment and can be very sad for both parties, even if you don’t get on. There will be happy memories and however much he wants to part from you, it’s an emotional time to let go of someone.
I think this happy person is a bit of a front. Some guys don’t like showing their true emotional side and rather show what he thinks he should show. It’s just my opinion.Big hugs to you, and wine, chocolate, cake, weed and hunky men! š
Gals,
I will say I give you all credit for the effort you have put into reconciling. You have done so much. You are all very strong people. It’s so tough sending those emails, making those calls, sending those texts. You have all asked the tough questions and I’m impressed.
I haven’t asked a tough question since July. I guess I wish I was as strong as the 3 of you.
Aphrodite,
I’m sorry you didn’t get a great response. I’m not sure what to think about people noticing him being happy. I know some of my friends have said they are Seeing a change in me and how I’m actually reaching out to them to do things since the summer. They were like you actually want to go out now wen before you were content with not doing much the last few years. It’s possible they see a change in him but it doesn’t have to mean he’s happy necessarily.
I hear you, the next relationships we have will be nothing like the last. It just can’t be.
Area,
Lovely to hear you’re sounding strong! Enjoy it while it lasts! And long may it last!I believe my ex was hurt in his last relationship. He found texts on his wife’s phone and I guess it’s reappearing again with me!! Oh dear!
I’ve recently expressed to him about his trust issues that he brought into the relationship because he would act funny on a few occasions when I was going out with girlfriends. I would put money on it he had issues before he met me.
However, he says he developed the trust issues whilst in the relationship with me. Well, he’s so in denial about a lot that if he wants to believe that then he can. If he doesn’t want to reflect on himself and just question himself whether or not he did have issues then more fool him.I think in time he will realise the bigger picture. I think he has a lot of personal learning to do. He claims his innocence over everything nearly and wants to do what suits him. It will come back and bite him at a later date for sure. We have these lessons in life for reasons, his lesson is yet to come.
We need to learn from the lessons or we will keep making the same mistakes over and over.
As for my ex…. History is repeating himself is it not!@belle,
I think your ex will truly learn a valuable lesson about forgiveness and love and loss through this. You had a great relationship and it’s not like you cheated on him! No one can be perfect all the time. That was one of the things I loved about my past relationship – we were both very forgiving. Long distance and young age brought us all types of problems but we both always remained committed to each other through it. I think we handled conflict well together. After all, out relationship didn’t end because of conflict. I did begin to feel under appreciated towards the end but I think it was because he knew what he
was going to do and took some time to mental prepare and detach himself from me.You mentioned that your ex had seen you on dating sites in the past. Have you ever broken up before this?
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