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Good for you atea, I hope you have an enjoyable evening, it beats sitting in looking at this site! Lol, no disrespect to anyone!
It really is a step in the right direction to start socialising and maybe getting kissed! Yay!
The last time I saw D which was last Sunday I actually came home feeling on top of the world! I actually thought I could Infact sleep with this guy! Lol…. But on second thoughts that would be a bad idea as I’m certainly no where ready for that level of intimacy with him and all the emotions. I think it would set me back and I would pine for my ex even more.Going on dates is fun remember… Time out from our turmoil and makes NC less painful. Afterall our ex’s choose not to be with us so what do they expect!?
I don’t think any of our ex’s have thought about us seriously with other partners. It would send them crazy I’m sure!@belle, my ex is in such denial. He thinks I am so in love with him that no one will compare and he can take all the time in the world screwing around with whoever only to return when he feels “ready”. I would love for that day to come and for me to have already fallen for someone else! Im not sure how likely that is in all honesty but you never know till you put yourself out there right? I know my ex is already sleeping with this new girl so he’s wasted no time there! I’ve had my fair share of drunk kisses at bars since the break up (the first two months or so my friends swore it was the only way to feel better). Truth is none of them made any difference to making me feel better or worse. I did make out with this guy after the date thursday but didn’t want to take the plunge for more than that since we had only been out two or three times before. Eventually im going to pull the plug and just do it though. If my ex and I so reconcile down the road and he’s slept with multiple girls and I hadn’t with any guys it would haunt me. And if we don’t reconcile then I must get used to experiencing others. Im feeling rather strong today for some reason. I woke up thinking “wow this is really ex’s loss. What an idiot! He’s throwing all of this away for the possibility he could fall for another girls besides me. Good luck to him!” Im very confident a relationship like ours was hard to come by and if after some time and dating the wrong girls he comes to realize that then he can make it up to me and im sure we will be much stronger overall but if he genuinely finds a greater love elsewhere then I’ll have to be happy for him and know there is something else better out there for me as well. But why wait for his decision? I need to start viewing this break up more mutually. If we reconcile we both need to be equally on board and me sitting and waiting for him will eventually Lead to me being miserable and resenting him even if he does return. If I go out, live my life and have fun, maybe I can appreciate some of the freedom out of this. For the first Saturday night I feel excited to go out as a single girl! Im hoping this confidence stays with me for the first few weeks of strict Nc so I can get used to it. When my ex does reach out to “check in” my goal is to not be the needy sad girl I’ve been for the last 4 months regardless of the outcome. I need to be confident independent and strong!
@atea1234 how about instead of waiting to fall in love with someone else to show your ex he can’t walk away and expect you to still be there, you fall so in love with yourself you can’t fathom why someone could treat you that way and just get you back when he feels like it? You could be your own white knight, showing the rest of the world how you truly deserve to be treated. Just something to think about…
Atea, your thoughts are exactly like mine. My ex is a fool for his own insecurity issues and constant blame on my behalf.
I remember when D and I finished I was heart broken and realised the only way forward is to date someone, rebound… Go all the way.. I wanted to find someone to sleep with too because I felt that was my way of cutting off all ties.
I can’t remember how long it was but it was around about the 6 month mark. I found this guy who was OK ish attractiveness but owned a Porche! Hehe…. How shallow was I! Lol by the way, he was recently separated and I guess wanted the same as me.
We actually had sex twice and you know, it was ok. I felt I got my attractiveness back from the months of grieving. From then on I just moved on…and maybe another year or so met my ex. When I met him, there was no rushing to bed because I had a lot of respect for him and I didn’t want to ruin anything by rushing.My experience, re bounds do help move on. At the right time with the right person.
I’ve never had sleazy sex, never. Never one night stand. There has to be a connection and enjoyment of company as well.
There is nothing wrong in saying that you don’t want anything too serious because of recently out a relationship.It’s suits some people and others it doesn’t.
@belle, im so glad you can relate. i was very up front with this guy i saw on thursday. told him i just got out of a 7 year relationship and was just starting to date and not ready for anything super serious and he said he totally understood. i agree. theres something about just spending so much time alone lately thats made me feel unattractive. I’m a young, attractive girl and i don’t want to be essentially wasting my prime years pining for someone who isn’t interested at the moment. i would never have a one night stand, but i also might not find myself in another relationship for a few more years so don’t feel the need to wait till then either. i agree it needs to be the next love of my life, but just something for fun. i started dating my ex at 15 so I’ve never slept with anyone else in my life. but many of my friends who have gotten out of relationships have said rebounds helped them pull themselves out of the funk and can just be a nice distraction. I’m not forcing anything but i think it wouldn’t be the worst decision in the world for me!
Well after all we are all free agents!
I do feel that it’s kind of being un faithful to the ex, I’m sure you feel the same too. That’s something we need to get over though because we are single and free to see whoever we like.
Just dating and going out will do no harm. The more we move away from our ex’s the more attractive we will be all around. There is nothing worse than someone pinning after an ex after all these months. I know it hasn’t been that long yet but you know what I mean.
We might as well date while we mourn! Lol
Remember, we are not looking for replacements! We are looking for different things now in people. When I was getting over D I kept looking a guys like him, or had same interests, I was looking for a carbon copy. People have so many different aspects to offer and just because our ex seemed to tick most boxes it shouldn’t put us off looking for different boxes to tick. Sorry, that’s a bit muddled, I’m sure you get what I mean!
i understand what you mean! and its true. I’ve been comparing every guy i meet to my ex and always date with him in the back of my mind and i need to stop. no guy, no matter how amazing, will measure up to the 7 years of love and history my ex and i have on a first date. i need to be open minded. we should date while we mourn!!! if nothing else, its a nice distraction. I’m not expecting to meet anyone serious right now but you never know. I’ve been feeling the same way that its unfaithful to my ex because my whole heart is still entirely with him honestly, but he is actually seeing someone else semi seriously!!! so clearly he feels no guilt over that at all. he even encouraged me to date because its what he’s doing and he things we can both benefit from getting to know others so we can view our relationship in comparison relationships with others.
i also agree the more we get away from our exes, the better it will be overall. i feel like my ex consumes my entire life – all my thoughts, all my conversations, etc. it would just be nice and exciting to have something else to talk about for once!! sitting here and wishing for them to return and pining after them does none of us any good. if they come back, they will make the decision on their own. but if my ex came back after having all these experiences and i had just been sitting her miserably i think our reconciliation would be destined to fail. i need to pick myself up and start to do things and get on with my life. i still have hope he’ll be back but i need to prepare for a life without him if he doesnt and I’ve been stalling the last 4 months. I’m not forcing myself to full speed just move on but I’m really trying to start taking the steps i need to. 6 months from now i hope i can be in a whole new place. i also think i desperately need to be strong enough to keep nc. every time my ex and i talk it screws with my emotions completely. i will never get over him if we stay in contact. i need to let it go – he will tell me if he wants to talk about things or has a change of heart. but for now i need to make sure i take care of myself and not waste years of my life over all of this. i just want to feel happy again!And we will be happy again! That is guaranteed! Remember this is a life lesson and we need to take it all on board.
I know how you feel about your ex atea. Your journey has been painful but there is a silver lining and sometimes we are dealt with these painful times for a reason but at the time we can’t see that.
I too feel my ex will come back, but until then I need to move on because like you said how sad we would be if we didn’t move on. They would view us as being unmotivated unattractive people.It’s fine to date in the mean time, we need to do it!
yes and i am really learning a lot about myself through all of this. a break up between my ex and i was inevitable and i had known it for years. even when we were 17 he would say he wished we met later in life because he couldn’t imagine going through life only ever being with one person no matter how amazing our relationship was. he just put it off for years because he was scared i think and i just hoped his doubts would go away. if this wasn’t happening now, it would’ve happened years from now, or he would’ve ended up breaking an engagement or having an affair after we got married. as painful as this has been for me, I’m not bitter because he’s doing what he needs to do for him and if we ever are going to have a successful relationship in the future he knew he would need this.
i really think your ex will be back too – he is just being a stubborn baby right now and wants to make you suffer. but its true, if they come back and we have nothing exciting to tell them about what we’ve done or how we’ve been, we will look so unattractive. i think dating is healthy after a break up. i actually found some attractive qualities in this new guy that i found my ex didn’t have. after so many years of being together, my ex got lazy with the romance. this new guy was clearly on his best behavior and its nice to be treated well!
not sure if this helps anyone else but I’ve been setting myself really small goals to accomplish and its been helping. today i went grocery shopping and made myself a really delicious and healthy meal! since my ex and i broke up I’ve had a hard time feeling like myself and doing my normal routines and now I’m tired of that and have been setting myself goals to get back on track with my schoolwork, catching up with friends, etc. i cannot let him rule my life!! this time is about meGood for you atea, you really sound like you’re steaming ahead now.
Food is sooooo important as it can have a big impact on how we feel inside and out. I’ve been really neglecting myself so much so I got this nasty cold! I’m going to get the juicer out again! Really need to fuel up on goodness.Small goals lead to big things.
I’m desperate for a manicure myself! Nails are shocking!
Nearly midnight here in London so I’m going to sign out for now and be back in the morning! Lol
Keep positive atea, it’s his loss and he will regret it big time!
Your a wonderful girl and he’s soon going to realise what freaks are out there! LolNight night
thanks belle, today was my first positive day in a while, but I’m prepared for many bad days as well as good ones to follow this. many more days of this roller coaster ride are ahead! small goals lead to big things is so true – i really keep telling myself to take baby steps – to do one small thing each day that will make me feel happy and thats a start. thanks for the kind words!! i hope he does regret it big time! only time will tell i guess. i hope you sleep well! talking to you everyday is more entertaining than my ex anyway!!!
Gah, I’m feeling very uneasy today. I’ve been rewriting my letter over and over again and I feel like it’s just poisoning me sitting there in my draft box. I wish I could send it already and be done with it. But I said I would wait until “friendship day”, because if he doesn’t reach out then either, then I can be sure that he deserves my letter – which has gotten increasingly vicious actually. Or do you think it would make it worse if he does make a pointless insincere gesture on Vday and I should send it before just in case?
Uf. 6 more days.How is everyone else?
hi @unimare,
i personally don’t think it matters when you send the letter. i don’t think your ex will really read much into which day he receives it. if you are tempted to send it today, do it. you’ve been through enough nc already! but if you want to wait, i know you can hold out another 6 days! i think it feels therapeutic to let things all out and send them. i don’t think most guys would think to make gestures to their ex on vday so i def wouldn’t be holding out waiting for that. just send it when the time feels right for you.
i feel sad but trying so hard to move forward. i have absolutely no choice. my ex is seeing someone and this is something he’s told me is absolutely necessary for him to do if were ever to have a future so i have to let him go. I’m trying to do it with maturity and with class but it is so difficult. i just feel sad all the time thinking of him being with her and possibly not coming back to me. but nc is good for now and i keep reminding myself the pain is temporary and will pass and if he doesnt come back i will move on in time. such a long journey ahead…Unimare, it’s highly unlikely any of us will get any contact on VDay! I think we can safely say that.
Do you not want to reconcile with him by the way?Atea,
Today I went to,a town my ex and I always went to together, I didn’t want to go but had no choice as my son had a party there. I did feel sad as there were lots of reminders but on the whole not too bad. I just wanted to go to one shop, I have this like locality card for this shop and I noticed he was the last one to use it when he went to town and picked a few things up for me. Hey ho.
Onwards and upwards eh!
Do remember this girl is the first girl he’s met since you, she is not going to be the love of his life, he’s using her because how the hell can he jump from you to her in such short time. Well he can’t. He’s using her and I would feel sorry for her because she might really like him but there is no way he will settle for the first girl he meets!! So calm down and take a deep breath!
We are all so sad individually, I can’t tell you how close my ex and I were, we had our issues and he’s throwing each and everyone at me. Each time I get in touch he throws the next bit of ammunition at me, I guess he needs to get it out his system but it’s so unfair because he rakes up things that happened years ago! Like, about 18 months ago I slapped him round the face (yes I know), well now he’s mentioned that!!!! If it’s not date sites, it’s Texting from D to the slap round the face to bloody car parking issues! It’s like he’s convincing himself not to be with me and is thinking of every small thing I’ve done and giving reason to why he no longer wants to be with me.
He really needs to live in fairy tale land! Since has anyone been perfect and hasn’t messed up. Apart from him that is!I’m hoping after he’s dealt with all his problems associated with me then the good memories will come back. The good times were just the best, we would laugh together over nothing at times. We were so similar.
As you say atea, TIME!Well, like I said, it’s also “friendship day” here.. but I guess you’re right and he would avoid it in fear of sending any mixed signals anyway. And no, I don’t want to reconcile. Ok, I will read it a couple more times and then send it! I can already feel the burden lifting! Will reply back here later x
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