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To top it all off i profusely apologised for ‘interrogating him’ instead of joking around about it, showing i have a spine… 🙁
Advice for all!
This is harsh but I will say it…. Blast me all you like!The last week since my breakthrough decision to leave my ex in the past has been the happiest I’ve been for the last 2/3 months since we split.
Atea, your ex sucks, sorry he does. He has no idea what he’s done to you like the rest of our ex’s, he’s left you to deal with it. He’s not bothered you don’t eat, sleep or enjoy life. He’s having a good old time! Like the rest of our ex’s, blissfully ignorant of everything else around them expect their own little self obsessed worlds.
Your ex does not deserve you to “check in” come May! What the hell!?Aphrodite, stop looking at his music! Everytime you do you cry!
If you can really accept that all our relationships are over, we are going to move on! Non of this ” oh I’m going to NC 30 days ” it’s rubbish. The way forward is leaving these guys in the past. They don’t care, they don’t want to be with us, they don’t think of us, or wonder what we are doing.
All of them have not cared at all and Infact I think ateas s ex is prob the worst because he’s giving a miniscule of hope and that’s wrong.
He’s either in or out but saying to check in come May! What the f***!I’ve accepted I will never be with my ex again, I think about our old times and I say to myself, more fool him. He’s the on that’s made a bad choice and it’s out my hands. I reminisce and there is nothing I can do. So, I value the memories that I will never forget but the future is about making new ones and the longer you pine after someone who does t want to be with you the sadder you will be.
Accept they won’t be back. Have a life, fun times, laugh again, move on.
Yes they will all make contact in 6 months, a year maybe, two even! Maybe sooner. But really, do we want to be with guys who really could do this all again to us. There are some really nice honest funny people out there that are very attractive! Why not go out and sample what’s on offer out there and enjoy life!
Sorry if I’ve upset people, but the sooner you accept they won’t be back the better you will be in a very very strong position.
Double shots all round!
Had to cut my last post short. My boss was looking at me on my phone.
What does this mean for you?
I don’t think it really changes anything. He told he wanted to see others and that’s what he is doing. You wanted to talk to him in May and you still can do that. I dot know what to make f the new girl and no one knows how that will play out. There is chance he moves on with her, but also it ends because she isn’t you and he starts to realize what he lost. I’d really try even tho it’s goin to be hard to not try to find out what he is doing till you are ready for a final confrontation with him.
@belle I agree.
I’m so tired of feeling this way and i’m trying my best to let go. But It’s so hard to stop thinking “maybe come July we’ll start talking again…”
I should tell him to shove off when he contacts me next! I know I deserve more, we all do, but i feel so empty without him. Letting go isn’t easy, but i want to.
I’ve set up a busier life for me starting tomorrow, so i hope this helps. Time to rebuild every one! We need to find happiness within ourselves, away from our exes.
If only i didn’t have to see my ex at parties 🙁 having mutual friends sucks!
Belle,
Beleive me I agree with you. I have felt the same way you do for quit some time now. I have had my angry and mad days and just said efff it so many times. I personally do go out at least two nights a week and try to meet people. I have been with other girls during my break. I have tried to find someone else. It just so happens they all turned out to be psychos or girls with no self respect so I treated them like trash and out them out on the curb.
For me it comes back to this all the time. My ex made me a better person. She was really genuinly a great great girl. Those are so hard to find I beleive. A small part of me doesn’t want to give up on a US again. Honestly, she didn’t give up on me, during the end of our relationship, I gave up on her. I did force her hand to make this decisin. I can’t sit her and blame her for her choice. When I say it was my fault, beleave me it really was. She put so much more into than me at the end. This is why I have been hesitant to reach out and try again, maybe I feel like she deserves better than me. She has left some hope alive and still reaches out. Does that mean something? I don’t know. She has been emotional everytime, does that mean something? I don’t know.
I will man up and give it one last try, honestly because she is worth fighting for and makes me a better person. I just hope a part of her still feels like movig forward I can make her s better person too.
Atea,
I hope you are feeling better sweetie.
Maebe,
Its just ive been here before and i know the dumpees are left will a raw deal. Life stops.
Its a mind over matter thing and until you decide to move on you wont. It reakly is as simple as that. I dont know why ive gone on this auto mode of fuck it and move on. Experience undef the belt knows exactly what happens if you dont drop it and move on.
Dont get me wrong, i love my ex but how can i keep my respect when he has no respect for me or even want to listen to me. No, hes got the problem and he is not going to let me not move on.Mike
Your story comes across so jaggered, emotional, torn and clearly so much love for one another.
Ive been following your story but may have not commented as much as the others but ive been observing.
I feel youve still got some more life lessons to go, this is not bad nor a relection of you but i think by the things youve said that you take hurt out on women, you may disrespect them.
People do the strangest of things, a lot of people see that behaviour as face value but quite often there are hidden meanings behind actions.
For example you may go out and hit on girls, use them to a degree and people may judge you on that but underneather youre hurting.
A girl who would maybe sleep with you on a first date you see as a slapper but she may have issues she cant even talk about or even acknowledge. The so called trash out there may have some huge issues.
Yes there are some idiots out there but even the idiots need to be treated with respect.Mike, tune into your compasionate side, try to look at everybodys actions and think the alternative of why they do things.
Give people time and space and allow them to voice opinion, if its something you dont like then look at it in another dimension to what you usually do.not going to lie, checking this thread has actually become one of my favorite activities! it makes me laugh!
@belle, i laughed out loud from your post!!! you are actually so right. all of our exes suck. they are all out enjoying themselves on dates, with friends, etc. and we are sitting here being miserable. i like that you say it like it is – my ex sucks! he quickly went from favorite ex on this thread to least favorite!! i will not check in come may. if he contacts me on my birthday then i will hear him out and hear his developments. as of now he is out of my life. i will discuss him on this board until its all out of my system but I’m done discussing it with friends and I’m definitely done discussing it with him! this is truly his loss and he will realize that one day – whether it be next month, next year, or when he is already married to someone else! i feel so confident this is his loss. and i have a date thursday night with a better looking guy who is on tv so he can eff off. lets see how happy he is 3 months from now when i have not initiated one word to him. he is DEAD to me. i need to get on board with you. tonight i am going to get a drink with one of my good guy friends from hs who hates my ex so we will take good riddance shots!
@aphrodite, don’t beat yourself up. i flat out called my ex last night to ask him details about his new girlfriend. i mean come on you can’t get more awkward than that! i keep telling myself we will get to a point of no longer wanting to reach out so may as well get it out of our system now. don’t listen to his music – don’t follow him at all. I’ve removed my ex from every piece of social media and it feels liberating. good luck to him and his new girlfriend now. onto the next one!
@maebe, you will find a lovely guy who does not treat you as friends with benefits. its possible to enjoy sex with someone else and you will eventually and you will find someone who wants it ALL with you – a relationship included. in belles words, your ex sucks!!!
@mike2014, you will always wonder if you don’t lay it all on the table for your ex. tell her how you feel! i know it can be scary to be vulnerable like that but truthfully you have every reason to believe it might result in reconciling and if it doesnt – what is the loss? you are already not together!Belle,
Iv already said this. I don’t really like people in general. I can be the most personable guy at times and other times walk right by you without saying hello. People have always told me I need to smile more, I guess my demeanor is one that looks angry. People who really know me see I’m nice and have a great personality. I don’t let people in easily. I have a cold side to those I care not to deal with at times. I can also be very outgoing but also for long stretches am very quiet and a loner. To those who I really care about I will do anything for and help out. To people I don’t really care about I just mind my own business. I know how I am as a person and have actually changed a lot recently. Outside of my family, close friends and at one point my ex I’m not generally open with people or all that caring.
you can have your opinion about me disrespecting woman, that’s fine.
Hi Aphrodite you offered me some great advice on one of my posts but my situation took a turn for the worse and would love for you to go read my latest posts because I’m struggling on what to do now…thanks please comment back with advice!
@belle a lot of things you said really rang true to me! Especially when you think about it like this – the saddest we are, is when we reminisce about the good times with our exes. But guess what, they experienced the same thing, they have the same memories, and yet they chose to give those up, drop us, and only think about us as a passing thought “sometimes”. And now thats the only memory of my ex that I’m willing to look back upon. Although they say anger isn’t a very healthy emotion, it actually really is. It gives me the power to keep moving. I also really recognized what @atea1234 said – he is DEAD to me… I say that a lot. Because it’s true in a way. I’ve grieved for him and now he’s out of my life – I don’t see him, or talk to him, the person he was to me really is dead. Anyway, @atea1234 I’m glad you joined us on moving forward. @Aphrodite now it’s your turn! It’s time to let go of the sadness and be angry and motivated with the rest of us! 😛
@mike2014 although I think you’re a nice guy and I’m rooting for you to make amends with your ex, I just want to say a few things. I don’t know why I ignored it before, I guess we’re all suffering here and kind of on the same team, but now that Belle drew attention to it, it really bothers me that you’re calling these women that you’ve been having casual encounters with slappers. That’s a bit rich.
Firstly, if they’re looking for casual sex, that doesn’t make them a slut. Does it make a man one? No? Same rule applies.
Secondly, it looks like those women are actually looking for something else – warmth and kindness maybe? obviously they are wounded and weak if they are drawn to someone that “looks angry” and is “unpleasant to most people” (sorry cant find direct quotes, Im on my phone) instead of someone who would actually treat them right, but coming from a position of weakness yourself (you just choose to find your release through casual sex), I really dont think you’re in a position to judge. You don’t know their story. If you don’t respect them, then don’t sleep with them. What does that say about you? Sorry, it really really bothered me. You dont have to agree of course, but maybe spare it some thought?hi everyone,
i am still feeling very physically nauseous about the news from my ex yesterday. does anyone have any advice for me?!?!@atea1234 Thank you for the support yesterday! I did make a fool of myself, but I managed to turn it around with texting him after. He’s under the impression that I have some big news to tell him (because on the phone I said I didn’t want to tell him why I called after all), I think he thinks I’m about to tell him I’m in a relationship, getting engaged or pregnant. He tends to jump to conclusions like that about me. He was pushing me wanting to know, but he finally let it go. I’ll get back to him with my email when I’m ready to send it. The guy really can’t stand when I don’t tell him something. I know he dreamt of me tonight.
@unimare – I don’t know how all of you have entered into this empowered state! I’m definitely dragging behind. I do sense that I’m getting closer though. I have to take my time to write the email, and make sure everything I wanted to say has been said so that I can get a sense of closure. It’s important I don’t rush it.Last night I stayed up until 5am typing on it, I made the downfall of our relationship into a beautiful story that i think will make him laugh and cry.
@atea1234 Just read your last post. I really feel for you, because I would be torn apart if it were me! Hang in there, because this hurts like anything now, but you will come to a place where it no longer hurts as much. You are going to become so strong and confident, and you may meet a man you didn’t know you could even dream of. What you are going through is probably the toughest it can get after a break up – so atea, it cannot get worse than this! That means once you feel better, you can only go up from where you are now! You need to get some power back in you, and you will get that from staying out of contact with him, grieving and ultimately empowering yourself. He is a fool for letting what you had go. Remember your gut feeling? There is no doubt he will be back one day, on his knees. You will have a chance to talk to him again if you want to. But for now you have to take care of your own health and staying in contact with him is not healthy for you at the time being. You are going to thrive in life again, atea. Open up to life, and you will see there is so much more out there for you.Sometimes we look so long at the closed door, that we do not realise which other doors have opened for us. You can grieve that the door is now closed, but ultimately you will see which other doors are now open. You deserve better than to feel this way, but unfortunately that is only something you can control. When you are ready to really let him go, let him go. Send him on his merry way and say goodbye to his spirit that resides in you taking over your thoughts. This is your time atea, and it’s just beginning! Let him go when you’re ready. 🙂
@atea1234
For actually feeling physically sick, I recommend taking a walk outdoors (or a run maybe?), doing some exercise to an empowering tracklist, drinking (vitamin)water or a fresh fruit smoothie, getting some sleep (if you cant, then take a sleeping pill), watching mindless funny tv shows. And hmm maybe burning/shredding somethinG that reminds you of him? 😛@aphrodite, thank you for your post. sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before going up and i think thats where I am right now. i know i have a long journey ahead of me and this will hurt a lot. i need to think of me more and not about him and his new relationship. he was so honest from day 1 this is what he would be doing with this time so i can’t even say I’m so surprised. i keep reminding myself that this girl is not me. if he genuinely prefers this new relationship over what we had then there is nothing i can do. but i am the only me in the world and if he is ok with letting that go then i must let him go too. i do have my gut feeling he will be back and i am sure we will discuss this again. he mentioned in may so we will see. but its unhealthy for me to be in contact right now. its too painful and i have to focus on me and my own healing. i have no more questions for him and nothing left to say. i need to get through this very difficult time and then things will start looking up. i just need to ride out the emotions of this for now. i am grieving him and i am cutting him out of my life to the best of my ability. he is still in my thoughts constantly but I’m hoping through no contact that i can focus on my own life and leave him behind. i have no control over if and when he would be back so all i can do is try my best to move on and not expect it and if he does it will be my choice.
im grieving him for now and i know i deserve more than this. i need to take care of myself – more eating and sleeping and in many ways this is back to the first month of our break up. but again, he will never meet another me again. if he is happier with another girl so then be it but i know how special our relationship is and when things start to develop with other girls he will surely see the differences. if he still doesnt appreciate our relationship that is out of my control. I’m doing my best to let go but i know this will take time. no contact is truly the only way. someone told me yesterday i will likely look back years from now and think of this as one of the worst times of my life but regardless of the outcome, one year for now i feel feel proud and strong and accomplished for what i have been through regardless of the outcome. i just need to be patient because time is really all that will help me feel stronger and that will guide me down a future path. i don’t feel ready to let him go from my thoughts yet but i feel ready to stop all the contact. heres to hoping a few months from now with real nc i will begin to truly feel better. hopefully this is as bad as it gets
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